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Originally written by Milu:

EDIT2 in Finnish - to Riibu: Kun noita mielipiteitä kyselit teksteistäsi, niin mä voin antaa oman arvioni, jos kiinnostaa. (Suomenkielisistä siis - englanninkielen vivahteita en osaa riittävästi pystyäkseni semmoiseen.)

Yleisesti ottaen: tarinoiden aiheet herättävät kiinnostusta ja kertomusten kulku myös.

Kannattaa tosin huomioida tekstissä asioita kuten: passiivissa sanotaan aina "oli tehty" tai "ei ollut tehty", ei koskaan "olivat tehty", ja muu oikeakielisyys. Toisekseen, kannattaa harkita tarkkaan, mitkä sanat ovat kirjakieltä ja mitkä eivät (esim. "känny".) Ihan muutamassa tapauksessa lauseenrakennettakin voisi oikoa - yleensä ei kannata käyttää käänteistä sanajärjestystä muuta kuin jos on hyvä syy. Kannattaa myös karsia lauseista minimiin ne sanat, joissa ei ole uutta informaatiota lukijalle, esim: "Marko katsoi veteen ja näki kuvajaisensa heijastuvan säälittävän surullisena takaisin silmiinsä."

Toivottavasti en takertunut toivottua enemmän yksityiskohtiin, mutta tämä on tällaista sinänsä tärkeää kielellistä asiaa, jota tuli mieleen noita lukiessa.

Mutta ihan kiinnostavia juttuja. Toki (riippuu siitä, mitä tarkoitusta varten ne on kirjoitettu) niiden itsekunkin juonta/ideaa voisi varmaan vielä kehittää eteenpäinkin...?

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Originally written by Thuryl:

Oh, stop fishing for compliments and let your work speak for itself. One thing I'll say for you is that you have plenty of ideas, although I imagine your writing loses a fair bit in the translation.

There seems to be a theme of loss running through your work. It's none of my business, of course, but I wonder if you feel as if there's something important to you that you've lost.

By the way, I dig how you did the Kafka thing with the protagonist's name in Patient II.

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Originally written by spy.there:

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Originally written by The Great 4808:

Er, if you read the whole thread, you'd know that AiS is short for Animal in Swedish, Riibu's moniker. So...yeah.

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Thanks ben, could not see the wood for the trees, but it's quite usual for me. >_<

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Aw gee, now I got interested.

Hmm, it's true that the games are far too long to be adapted into a movie(s) on their own, but with some changes it might be possible. For one, you could skip first and second completely, only explaining the background of these in the third. Then there's many, many things from the game you can exclude, like most of the towns, places, subquests and so on. Some things could be combined. Most of the running around would have to be cut, some things would have to be altered into something simpler..

Erm, 'many years ago a great empire formed. It gained control of all the land, but it did not rule wisely. It hunted those who were different, and fought to deprave the land of uniqueness. People who resisted it's reign, were sent to a horrible prison. Miles and miles under the surface, an under-world... Avernum (or Exile).
One day, a group of bold heroes encountered a powerful mage, who was embittered of her exile from the surface. The mage encouraged the heroes to find a way to slay the emperor, and with her help they did. The empire was enraged by the death of their emperor, and as the late emperor's only descendant was only a child, the adviser, a powerful wizard, took control of the empire. He begun a war against Avernum. Teleports were built so that the empire's armies could descend below the surface, though none were big enough to allow the vast quantity of the empire's entire army to go down at once. The empire had started to built a bigger teleport, one that could transport much more people down, but Avernum had great heroes. They destroyed the portal after many adventures, with the help of strange beings from even farther below the ground.
And now... Avernum has its own portal, and they have found a way back to the surface, at last. Avernum wishes no war, it only wants sun again, and nature. All that has been only a distant and vague dream for so long.'

I'm not very good at improvising, it seems. I guess I should just stick with odd stories. At least I know what I'm writing about with them.

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