The Spiderweb Art Movement.
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Monday, September 18 2006 06:51
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Come one, come all, to what will hopefully be a showcasing of the talent here on Spiderweb. The idea is you post a piece of art, be it literature, a drawing, or whatever, and let your fellow members comment them! All of the work posted here remain the property of those who post them, and any comments made should be constructive and helpful, rather than just "yeah, your story sucks". I'll get the ball rolling, with some of my woeful poetry... Virginity Spent Twilight settles slowly, Beneath a bitter cherry sky, Within the city’s sickly glow, A hundred voices sigh: “I’m tired of waking lonely, I’m sick of all I see, From this ‘life’ I’m “living”, Will no one rescue me?” And in the dreary moonlit night, A wind stirs treetops tall, Behind the windows of the world, A hundred voices call: “I’m tired of feeling empty, I’m sick of all I hear, In every waking moment, I wish to feel you near.” And in the cluttered bedrooms, Of the ones who cry these pleas, The words of one just like them Will bring them to their knees. -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
Master
Member # 5977
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written Monday, September 18 2006 07:02
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Well, you already know that my opinion on your poem. I liked it a lot. The way you expres that hopelesness, that pure depression of the poem is something you are already well aware of it being something I find very beautifull. Also the way you constructed this poem (comment - spoken text - comment - spoken text - comment, or however you would like to put it) I find quite special and very nice. the way you end, focusing on only one of the group, is something I also find quite beautifull. Here is a poem I wrote while being depressed: ---- Looking outside the window Looking outside the window, I see blackness. The blackness of sorrow and pain. They are falling like a thousand drops, Pouring out like rain. The sun has vanished, Hiding behind the clouds. Thunder and lightning rule the day, While a thousand living corpses walk the world, Smelling of decay. And if the sun would come, Were there anything to see? How about the trees? How about the flowers? In between them all the bees? Lightning and thunder struck them down, And all that remains are their trunks, Equal to big, dark towers. That is what became of the trees, What became of the flowers. And if the clouds would remain, What would happen next? The world would turn insane, Making people mad. A darkness and fear would rule the day. Sun is our hope, To shine brightly all day, It will never go away, Making people happy, Making people free. The sun will need our help, For all those clouds are thick and evil. Their lightning will not strike us again, Together we will ban them from the world, I know we can… But thunder and lightning is still there, The sky remains untouched. For all I see is blackness, (Blackness like in death,) And all I can do about it, Is not much and even less. ----- To understand what exactly I mean: It wrote it while getting heavily depressed about The conflict in the middle east. I chose israel's side, as I always do (please, don't start a discussion about this). However, while it was inspired by this conflict I'm talking about terrorism as a whole, and not only the Palastines and Hesbollah. -------------------- Play and rate my scenarios: Where the rivers meet View my upcoming scenario: The Nephil Search: Escape. Give us your drek! Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00 |
Cartographer
Member # 1851
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written Monday, September 18 2006 07:12
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How about a comment simply to say "Yes, I like it"? I have to admit, I've never really understood poetry. The most I enjoy when the verses rhyme, but other than that I haven't been able to get in to the whole idea. Poetry might be too deep for me. :P Okay, so I like both of your poems. I do not mind the subjects either; rather they fit into the sort of things I like to read and write. More constructive criticism I can't quite offer. Your poems work and it's my personal view that if it's good enough, it doesn't need to be perfect (as impossible as that is). Since I don't write poems, but short stories, I won't be posting anything wholly here. Not that my short stories are that long, but I think my posts would be unnecessarily long. Instead I give you a link to one of my most emotional pieces I've written. It's actually a little bit wrong in interpreting those verses, but its point still stands. Written when I was feeling very down. -------------------- "I'm not crazy!" "Well, whatever. Maybe you just ate something really questionable, or perhaps someone hit you on the head with something large, blunt and heavy just now. By the way..." Gil nudged Grul pointedly. Ooh! Homepage - Blog - Geneforge, +2, +3 - My Elfwood Gallery and DevArt page So many strange ones around. Don't you think? Posts: 1308 | Registered: Sunday, September 8 2002 07:00 |
Too Sexy for my Title
Member # 5654
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written Monday, September 18 2006 09:24
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quote:Ditto. I don't think I've ever written a good poem. I actually convinced my friend to give me some of her poems for poetry class in high school. I was that bad at it. But a boring two hour class can do wonders for your writing appetite. Anyways, I wrote this poem a couple of days ago. It's short, which I hate. And my rhyming sucks, but I'm used to it. I hope you like it "I'm alone, lonely and upset, and at the moment you left My knees knelt, my heart melt, and I just felt completely bent I wanted someone to pull out my poor and dear heart And just rip it apart Shred it into pieces and slaughter it until there's absolutely nothing left" Posts: 1035 | Registered: Friday, April 1 2005 08:00 |
Lifecrafter
Member # 6403
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written Monday, September 18 2006 10:31
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One of my favorite pieces of poetry, written by Scott "Fadekiller" I-don't-know-his-last-name. quote: -------------------- ??? ?????? ???? ????? Posts: 883 | Registered: Wednesday, October 19 2005 07:00 |
Cartographer
Member # 1851
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written Monday, September 18 2006 16:52
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Okay, okay. This is a good start, but it's not enough. I think perhaps, instead of just showing off something little, we need to give more. Because giving is good and so give we must. Not necessarily your works, although they may be the point. I like reading and writing (they are my obsessions), but why do you do it? Why do you write? What are you motivations or perhaps.. your passions? Personally, I'm simply enthralled by all the things that could never be real. I love fantasy beyond all other genres. Hell, I'd rather read about living a life rather than live one myself. Right now it's nearly 5am and I am not sleepy one bit. I've just read a bunch of short stories and intend to read a bunch more. This is partially because I'm sort of trying to avoid thinking about a story and partially because I AM thinking about it. It's another personal challenge. I mean to write something I've never had the guts to even consider writing before. Yes. Romancing. >.> But that's just me. I get obsessed. But it's not all there is. There's also the humorous story about a troll, a mermaid and a centaur and I can barely wait to write another chapter. And at the same time I wish I was (re)writing my last year's NaNo story, or just writing this year's NaNo story (October, November, come faster!). Not to mention all the short stories I've wanted to cleanup and finish for years. What about you? What are you doing right now? Anything you feel like putting down on paper, so to say? Any topics that feel interesting? Characters, situations, scenes? I crave more words. Surely you have what I need. Don't you? EDIT: I can't help but think I must be some kind of ravenous monster who is after your very thoughts. It is pleasing mental image. :) [ Monday, September 18, 2006 16:54: Message edited by: The Green Dragon ] -------------------- "I'm not crazy!" "Well, whatever. Maybe you just ate something really questionable, or perhaps someone hit you on the head with something large, blunt and heavy just now. By the way..." Gil nudged Grul pointedly. Ooh! Homepage - Blog - Geneforge, +2, +3 - My Elfwood Gallery and DevArt page So many strange ones around. Don't you think? Posts: 1308 | Registered: Sunday, September 8 2002 07:00 |
Guardian
Member # 2238
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written Monday, September 18 2006 17:53
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I'm currently writing lyrics for a musical project I've had underway for about... 2 weeks. In short, it's a story about a boy and a girl (of course). There's a bit more depth to it, obviously, but I won't disclose that just yet. I've also been coming up with idea after idea for a game project my roommate and I have decided to undertake. The various ideas have mostly been in the fantasy swords-n-sorcery realm, in the shape of a cooperative hack 'n slash through story driven campaigns. I like the idea, but I've recently been toying with the setting, and I think it would be cool to have it set in a pre-KoToR, Star Wars history. I'm talkin' ancient. All this, school work, and friendship drama have left little time for my drawing. Sad, I know. Maybe I'll throw something together later this week to present. -------------------- DEMON PLAY, DEMON OUT! Posts: 1582 | Registered: Wednesday, November 13 2002 08:00 |
? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
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written Monday, September 18 2006 20:07
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I met this guy from Nantucket who kept his wife's head in a bucket. Life wasn't done with 'er, She's just ugly as an ogre. Now, how can I end this with f*****? And on that note I will forever cease composing poetry. -------------------- quote: Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00 |
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Monday, September 18 2006 20:57
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Somehow this has drifted implicitly toward poetry. So I'd like to post a reminder that if you have visual art or prose to share, that can go in here too... I haven't been productive lately. Productive = "have written a single creative word" and lately = "the last couple of months". So for now I'll dredge something up from my collection, and later try to write something new (a Mountain of Shadows post'd be favorite). Which I posted here before. It's not much to look at either, in the "making-sense" department. I wrote it in the train while on caffeine and some sleep deprivation. Those factors produce strangeness. quote: -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
Off With Their Heads
Member # 4045
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written Monday, September 18 2006 21:41
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I wrote this six years ago. It's a sonnet. I think I've posted it before. Most people don't get it when they first read it. quote: -------------------- Arancaytar: Every time you ask people to compare TM and Kel, you endanger the poor, fluffy kittens. Smoo: Get ready to face the walls! Ephesos: In conclusion, yarr. Kelandon's Pink and Pretty Page!!: the authorized location for all things by me The Archive of all released BoE scenarios ever Posts: 7968 | Registered: Saturday, February 28 2004 08:00 |
Master
Member # 5977
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 03:40
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People, Nikki's intentions with this thread was not only to show off your poem/story/whatever, but you also had to comment on previously shown works made by fellow members. Until now only i and the green dragon (Riibu?) did that. -------------------- Play and rate my scenarios: Where the rivers meet View my upcoming scenario: The Nephil Search: Escape. Give us your drek! Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00 |
Warrior
Member # 7223
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 05:29
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Never Run The man walked. He walked (never running) down the rainy dark street. He knew the bad things were coming for him. He (don't run never run) walked. Run and the bad (very bad) things will get you. Yes they will (yes they will) get you. Just like they got (red everywhere) Papa. They come (yes they do) even now. For you. The bad things. But always remember. Never (run) run. [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 05:31: Message edited by: Elijah ] -------------------- Polaris The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. - H.P. Lovecraft Posts: 164 | Registered: Wednesday, June 14 2006 07:00 |
Cartographer
Member # 1851
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 09:07
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Yes, I'm Riibu. I think that requiring commenting on others' works is.. only an ideal. :\ I did suspect some lack of motivation, but it's hardly that bad. Well, we've read all of these poems, obviously, and probably liked them to some degree. But if no one has anything to add, then we can't really ask that either. Anyway, enough critising! It's negative and we definitely want all kinds of positive thoughts flowing through this thread, affecting people's minds and brains for some creative working... Happy thoughts, everyone! Think happy thoughts! [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 09:08: Message edited by: The Green Dragon ] -------------------- "I'm not crazy!" "Well, whatever. Maybe you just ate something really questionable, or perhaps someone hit you on the head with something large, blunt and heavy just now. By the way..." Gil nudged Grul pointedly. Ooh! Homepage - Blog - Geneforge, +2, +3 - My Elfwood Gallery and DevArt page So many strange ones around. Don't you think? Posts: 1308 | Registered: Sunday, September 8 2002 07:00 |
Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 09:40
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All the poems here are amazing. I loved yours Marl, which is why I told you to post it in the first place. :P And Riibu - your short stories...wow. I loved the change in styles in the first one. It actually made me well up. Thank you. And Kel, I get it. I think. Using the sonnet to this end has been done before, notably by Shakespeare. But still... Poem of the week goes to Salmon. But only for making profanities an essential part of his work. Huzaar! And Riibu, happiness is nice - I'll get to work writing something joyful, since I'm actually feeling good. Until then... White Noise “Oh blessed be the lonely” The choir sings, it lies, “And blessed are the quiet” It sways and then it sighs. Silence. Then the tolling of a bell, That echoes round the pews, And the murmuring of parishioners, Sharing virtuous Christian views. Past the vigil of the dead The throng of people fade, Below budding purple blossom, Children play within the shade. And in the back seat of a car, A child rests his head, And sings so low, so full of woe: “Oh blessed be the lonely” [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 09:41: Message edited by: Guy Fawkes xx ] -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
Agent
Member # 2759
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 10:05
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Please somebody, make them stop with the poetry. -------------------- "I can't read this thread with that image. But then, that's not a complaint." -Scorpius Geneforge 4 stuff. Also, everything I know about Avernum | Avernum 2 | Avernum 3 | Avernum 4 Posts: 1104 | Registered: Monday, March 10 2003 08:00 |
Electric Sheep One
Member # 3431
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 10:42
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These are all quite good. My favorite so far is Elijah's. I haven't written much for years, and I'm not sure where my notes of old poems are. Since there have already been a couple of sonnets, here's one I remember, close enough. So say of living water where it welled, From what deep rock. How many hearts are stone? But some do say of love that they have known Its secrets manifold and mercy-held. Then say of heaven's furnace when it burned Dead wood to ash. Or say, all flesh is dust; As some do say of love, it's painted lust, and cannot live for long if unreturned. And tell me of the whirlwind why it blows In vicious circuits. Oh, the world goes round; But if you listen you can hear the sound Of petals tearing, wind-whipped, from the rose. Then tell me of the earth how it abides. Oh say of living water where it hides. [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 10:44: Message edited by: Student of Trinity ] -------------------- We're not doing cool. We're doing pretty. Posts: 3335 | Registered: Thursday, September 4 2003 07:00 |
Cartographer
Member # 1851
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 10:46
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I shouldn't post so much, it goes straight to my thighs. :\ Err, I mean... I should give others a chance as well! But I did come up with a few avatars I think might be safe enough to upload and show. So, pictures pictures, yay? I promise I'll stop trying to hog the thread *crosses fingers behind back*. I may be a little overwhelmed by all this interesting content, that's all. This is one of my very first ones I made and still one of my favorites. The original picture belongs to Jon Wofford, whose site has no proper 'About' page/FAQ. But let that be aside the point. I can't lie; I like big hips. Especially my own. ^^ The original belongs to Camille Kuo, who also does not have a good FAQ. At least now you know. My ultimately favorite avatar of all time. You probably recognise the original, which is just resized basically. Oh, and the guy from the corner is gone of course. Mmm... Green Dragon... ^^ I rather like this one with the nifty lines. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find the owner of the original, so can't quite give credit. Would like to, of course. If you recognise it, tell me. Neopets. One of my pets has that particular petpet. I bought it because I thought it looked very nice. And then at one point I tried actually drawing it (which didn't work) and then making an avatar of it (which did work!). I found the original on some random site, so... I wanted to try something new with this, and although I'm not sure I completely succeeded it's still pretty nice. Inspired by Sluggy Freelance, where Torg makes a comment about soybeans thinking tofu is made out of people.. Now, if only I could find that particular strip, it was funny. Amused me enough to make this. This is a second version actually, tried to improve it to convey some kind of panic. And last but not least, my current DeviantArt user icon/avatar. Google picture search for peridot (gorgeous color! Absolutely gorgeous!) and it's the second one. I love green perhaps a bit too passionately sometimes. Is pretty though, yes? -------------------- "I'm not crazy!" "Well, whatever. Maybe you just ate something really questionable, or perhaps someone hit you on the head with something large, blunt and heavy just now. By the way..." Gil nudged Grul pointedly. Ooh! Homepage - Blog - Geneforge, +2, +3 - My Elfwood Gallery and DevArt page So many strange ones around. Don't you think? Posts: 1308 | Registered: Sunday, September 8 2002 07:00 |
Shaper
Member # 22
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 10:49
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quote:Just thought I'd take advantage of the briefest of returns: that's utter rubbish. Sometimes these things just need to be said. [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 10:56: Message edited by: Morgan ] Posts: 2862 | Registered: Tuesday, October 2 2001 07:00 |
Master
Member # 5977
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 10:57
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quote: -------------------- Play and rate my scenarios: Where the rivers meet View my upcoming scenario: The Nephil Search: Escape. Give us your drek! Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00 |
Agent
Member # 5814
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 13:18
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Normally, I'd jump at the chance to be a jackass. But this thread is actually neat and someone cares about whether it gets locked, so people should avoid ruining it. -------------------- quote: Posts: 1115 | Registered: Sunday, May 15 2005 07:00 |
Lifecrafter
Member # 6388
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 13:26
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I gave up on my dreams long ago and am now a lazy journalist, but that's not to say I can't offer commentary. Then again, I feel nowhere near mean enough to give individual comments on any kind of scale, so generic ones applying to most of the work here: One: Rhyming poetry sucks. I can't emphasize this enough; every bit of rhyming verse produced by amateurs ranges from shameful to mediocre, and would be improved dramatically by abandoning its rhyme scheme. If you can't resist the temptation to rhyme, do not use masculine rhyme - literally every possible combination thereof has already been produced and you cannot help but wind up with trite garbage. (Masculine rhyme is a single syllable, e.g. 'eyes / dies', feminine multiple-syllabled, e.g. 'nantucket / bucket') Learn to produce beauty without linguistic shortcuts or you'll be doomed to write moon-june-spoon crap your entire life. Two: Poems about women or any kind of elves suck. Write about what you know, not how cool it would be to lay the chubby girl who laughs at your Monty Python references after band practice or prance about a maypole with Legolas. This can be generalized to men, dragons, or dwarfs (for either subset). If it's exotic to you, it's lame to almost everyone else. Three: Poems about your woman especially suck. The only thing poems in 2 have going for them is a sense of wistfulness. Four: Wherever possible, write as if speaking. This doesn't mean you necessarily have to be conversational, but your vocabulary should form a coherent picture. This is, for instance, all Aran's 'poem' really has going for it; he sounds like (depending on how charitable we wish to be) an intoning scholar or an awestruck SCA enthusiast the entire time. Five: For the love of God, if it sounds like anything else beat it senseless. Aran's work scans like an effort at Lovecraft; SoT's scans like Eliot with a head injury. Both of you need to beat the living hell out of what you write and make it into something vaguely unique and distinctive. Kelandon's reads like Shakespeare - a few lines are Shakespeare but for the old academiac trick of disguising premature decrepitude with efforts as if to swear - but I suppose the poor dear couldn't help that; that he chose to write it in sonnet form in the first place says enough about what he is and isn't capable of. Which brings me to my final point in my rambling: Six: Prosody is not an accomplishment. Workhorse poetry - sonnets and the like - by amateurs are some of the worst **** you will ever read. There's a reason for this: they consistently treat meeting the format of the poem as some kind of achievement above and beyond any other. The first purpose of a poem should be expression - form exists to serve art, not the other way around; form without art is masturbation. Ironically, the only mostly non-violator here would be Kelandon: his sonnet has a purpose besides being a sonnet and actually meets it fairly well. I loathe it due to a deep-seated and unhealthy grudge against the man and everything he says or does, but still feel it worthy of individual critique. So here goes: Once more, my comfort with your otherwise fine work is marred by your native terror of innovation. Would you, in any other context, address someone to lovingly touch and sweetly embrace your "wit" as 'thee'? (And meter is no excuse - 'your' reads the same as 'thy'.) I mean, I could be wrong - you could be one of those types who shout passages from Macbeth while making love, in which case I could hardly expect you to help something like this - but would it kill you to do anything non-derivative? You can only rewrite the classics so many times before they get old. PS: I'm not posting anything of mine; nothing I care to see again would be CoC-appropriate. [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 13:31: Message edited by: The Worst Man Ever ] Posts: 794 | Registered: Tuesday, October 11 2005 07:00 |
Post Navel Trauma ^_^
Member # 67
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 14:07
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So, Farewell then Egos of posters Alec actually Read them But for many others Too long Didn't read --Khoth (17 1/2) -------------------- Barcoorah: I even did it to a big dorset ram. desperance.net - Don't follow this link Posts: 1798 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
Nuke and Pave
Member # 24
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 14:56
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Why do you think that Alec read Everything posted on this thread? This kind of "critical response" Is very easy to pronounce. Just use scripted auto-reply "This stupid thread deserves to die." Anyway, this reaches thread's goal, Increasing our posting toll. Since heated arguments are blood Of posted messages great flood. As for the poems on this thread, I am not in mood to have read The ones that talk of sadness, pain, Or of love's sudden loss or gain. To Infernal I'd say oookay... That was quite weird, anyway... Salmon's amusing little joke Reminds me of things from elementary school, inserting which would break the flow. Aran's piece also strangeness-filled Seems full of anguish unconcealed. And Khoth, your great poetic wit, Should on great monuments be writ. I think this is long enough post. Enough time on it had been lost. If you don't like it, that's too bad It will not make me really sad. I'm just amused by random rhymes, And like this silliness sometimes. :) [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 15:03: Message edited by: Zeviz ] -------------------- Be careful with a word, as you would with a sword, For it too has the power to kill. However well placed word, unlike a well placed sword, Can also have the power to heal. Posts: 2649 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
Agent
Member # 4574
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 15:29
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Golden dipped and Orange tasting Like a giant lollipop Demonic Extremly kind Non existant King of Somewhere Intensly angry Now where is Somewhere Goodbye A prince of Spiderweb Lover of knowledge On the way to 15,000 posts Ready to post A ever changing moniker Extremly militant Likely a Crystal Soul [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 15:30: Message edited by: Emperorking ] -------------------- All praise the greatest mod of all time! Long live Master Aran! Posts: 1186 | Registered: Friday, June 18 2004 07:00 |
Off With Their Heads
Member # 4045
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written Tuesday, September 19 2006 15:40
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Alec: I'm surprised that you recognized that I employed the form of the sonnet for a purpose but failed to recognize that I employed mock-archaic language for the same purpose. If your complaint is that you have some sort of visceral revulsion to anything even remotely old, including the second-person singular, then you're just being silly, because that's there for a purpose that you clearly recognize as legitimate in another context. If your complaint is that it's an anti-sonnet in pretty much the same way as every other anti-sonnet ever written (including one or two of Shakespeare's own), well, that's probably true, but the poem exists mostly to get a cheap laugh, and it's usually successful at least in that. [ Tuesday, September 19, 2006 15:41: Message edited by: Kelandon ] -------------------- Arancaytar: Every time you ask people to compare TM and Kel, you endanger the poor, fluffy kittens. Smoo: Get ready to face the walls! Ephesos: In conclusion, yarr. Kelandon's Pink and Pretty Page!!: the authorized location for all things by me The Archive of all released BoE scenarios ever Posts: 7968 | Registered: Saturday, February 28 2004 08:00 |