Deathmatch Tournament -- Round One, Part One

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AuthorTopic: Deathmatch Tournament -- Round One, Part One
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #25
#1 Infernal vs. Excalibur

It's been said before. The Israeli against the American conservative? How the hell are you going to make them fight in the first place? Speaking hypothetically, however: Excalibur has Rush Limbaugh. Infernal has Mossad.

I think we need not discuss this further.

#2 Delicious Vlish vs. Nioca

No doubt about it, Nioca is quick and has troops to call on. But the Vlish has the Tentacle Slap, which is the fastest attack known to man. And he has Mind Control, which negates the troops. So far, they're tied. Until you consider that Delicious Vlish also floats a meter above the ground, and has years of experience over Nioca. Pwnage ensues.

#3 Lord Grimm vs. The Silent Assassin

And to think the crowd was gasping when you paired Infernal with Excalibur! How can a man fight his own shadow?

By entering a dark room, Lord Grimm reasons.

Unfortunately, this was not thought out well.

The Silent Assassin lets out a soundless cry of triumph.

#4 Andraste vs. Thralni

Oh come on. Andraste has the advantage of experience, dual-wielded clubs, and of being female. Thralni has chickens.

Andraste serves up an excellent cordon bleu.

#5 Nalyd vs. Lazarus.

I don't know much about Nalyd, except he annoys me. I don't know much about Lazarus, but I do know he is wicked with the BoA editor. Lazarus wins.

#6 ADoS vs. Randomizer

Once again, I also don't know much about Randomizer. But ADoS has three advantages: He has a big nose. He knows his way through every corner of Spiderweb and its satellites, having taken intellectual beatings in most of them. And he has the fluffy turtles on his side. There is only one way this can end.

#7 Nikki vs. Nemesis

This is a close one. I think the others have failed to realize the terrible power rejected love can build up. However, they are both gentlemen, and might come to an agreement to hold back.

Whereupon which they backstab each other. However, Nikki should be just a hint faster with his pencil.

Saunders vs. Stew Boy

Saunders tucks the li'l guy in and tells him a bedtime story. If Stew Boy knows what's good for him, he stays down. If Stew Boy continues being difficult, Saunders, la canalista suprema gets out an oar and proceeds to whack Stew Boy over the head to the tune of Si vuol ballare, Signor Contino from Le nozze di Figaro.

In either case the outcome is clear.

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Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #26
quote:
Originally written by Some Slimy Idiot:


4- She wins. Chickens are not a ranged attack, nor do they have the ability of flight when loaded with vegetables. Chickens may be allowed to tear the sexy red slip, but that would only serve to weaken their collective resolve as they saw more and more of the

You left that sentence hanging... :P

[ Monday, April 30, 2007 23:55: Message edited by: Dr. Johann Georg Faust ]

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Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Electric Sheep One
Member # 3431
Profile #27
MATCH #1: Excalibur can supposedly make you rightful king of England, but supreme executive authority can only really derive from the mandate of the people. Demonslayer slays voteless demons and the people approve, so Infernal wins.

MATCH #2: Round 1 must be the early game, so Vlish rule.

MATCH #3: Lord Grimm slays TSA with Ockam's Razor: since we only ever see Lenar, TSA is an unnecessary entity.

MATCH #4: Thralni ignores abuse and hangs in there longer than anyone expects. Andraste wears herself out clubbing and collapses, while Thralni's still going on about vegetables and chickens.

MATCH#5: No doubt he'll revive eventually, and his opponent's status is not unquestionable either. But when the starting bell rings, Lazarus seems a little bit deader, so he defaults.

MATCH#6: ADoS draws first, but while he's still adding shading, Randomizer sketches a free body diagram of a 10 ton mass. It falls freely on ADoS, flattening his nose and causing death by psychic trauma. Randomizer wins.

MATCH#7: Nikki. Poisoned mechanical pencils sound pretty bad.

MATCH#8: This one seems like an obvious lock for Saunders, so then it seems that Stew Boy must win in an upset. But Saunders never gets upset, so she wins after all.

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Posts: 3335 | Registered: Thursday, September 4 2003 07:00
Master
Member # 5977
Profile Homepage #28
#1: Infernal: She will just throw an enormous amount of insults at Excalibur, who will get more and more angry, until he simply explodes.

#2: Difficult... I say DV, because Priestly spells will not be able to hurt the slimy Vlishy body.

#3: How about none? They are allies, so they won't want to attack each other. What, I have to choose? Oh... Um... Lord grimm. For silence doesn't help here.

#4: Oh god. I'm a nephil I see, so I won't be slow at all. I will be nimble and fast. If you put that together with flight, I'm very fast flyer, so i don't see how Andra's clubs can help her. I will be in the air before she can even say "how do you do." Chickens can't fly, so they will stay on the ground, but who says they will care vegetables? I'll throw some chickens at her, who will attack her dress. If she clubs them all, I have a problem. Of course, I have the chicken gods on my side (I'm their prophet, so they, strictly speaking, are my allies.) I'll just call them for some help, and Andra will be KO in no time.

I win. (How subjective was that)

#5: Nalyd. Lazarus will be too drunk to fight.

#6: Randomizer: Mickey mouse is stronger than Pinocio. That is, if ADOS doesn't get help from RW, he won't win, but as we can't be sure of that, Randomizer will win. For now.

#7: Nikki: Everybody who listens to Nikki's poems will be so amazed by their beauty, that he or she will no longer want to fight him.

#8: Saunders: Fluffy Turtle huglification rules.

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Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 3441
Profile Homepage #29
1) Infernal, for all of the above mentioned reasons.
2) Delicious Vlish, even if Nioca was able to kill him, he would be compelled to eat DV, and after doing so would spend the rest of his sorry days yearning for anything that could match it's culinary excellence.
3) Silent Assasin, because he's the best gimmick ever.
4) Thralni. Drumsticks > Clubs
5) lol...
6) ADoS, the nose knows (I'm not sure what I mean by that.)
7) Nikki, making up justifications is getting boring.
8) Saunders, see previous.

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"As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it." --Albert Einstein
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Posts: 536 | Registered: Sunday, September 7 2003 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 6700
Profile Homepage #30
quote:
Originally written by Student of Trinity:


MATCH #3: Lord Grimm slays TSA with Ockam's Razor: since we only ever see Lenar, TSA is an unnecessary entity.

Hey, Nikki, that one sounds like a good weapon for fighting in Project Spiderweb.

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The Silent Assassin and I briefly exchanged words before I made this post.
While he again is upset about losing via technicality, he does find the idea of being slain by Ocham's Razor to be quite cool.

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-Lenar Labs
What's Your Destiny?

Ushmushmeifa: Lenar's power is almighty and ineffable.

All hail lord Noric, god of... well, something important, I'm sure.
Posts: 735 | Registered: Monday, January 16 2006 08:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #31
Be sure to spell it right, though. That's Occam with a double c. Ironically, there were two different versions in the above post, both incorrect.

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 06:45: Message edited by: Dr. Johann Georg Faust ]

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Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Shaper
Member # 3442
Profile Homepage #32
quote:
Originally written by Lenar:

Hey, Nikki, that one sounds like a good weapon for fighting in Project Spiderweb.

Noted. :)

Right...

1. Infernal is from Israel... Need I go on?
2. Delicious Vlish wins by confusing Nioca by tapping him on the shoulder with a tentacle.
3. Lord Grimm wins, because The Silent Assassin gets too caught up in a plot to turn tissue paper into an explosive.
4. Thralni is the victor. Because nobody wants to be crapped on by something that big.
5. Lazarus does some fancy BoA crap, whilst Nalyd just moans about the number of typos in FB. It's close, but Lazarus lures Nalyd to SV, and then gives him a crappy custom title, winning the fight.
6. ADoS sneezes repeatedly and wins. Ewww....
7. Nikki wins by bombarding Nemesis with nonsensical adverbs.
8. Saunders wins by embarrassing Stew Boy in public with the things mums do with the hankie and your cheek...

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 06:49: Message edited by: Sage ]

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Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00
His Mighty Tentacle
Member # 627
Profile #33
A question... How does one "trip a Vlish"?

I read that, can't quite figure it out.

And you forgot deadly flatulence and the ability to stuff a tentacle up a nostril to get to the delicious creamy sanity free brains on the inside. :P

BTW. Vlish are not slimy. We are mammals. Smooth and dry. Harrumph.

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If I could make just one wish, I would want a tasty vlish.

Geneforge IV. Still no tasty vlish.
Posts: 1104 | Registered: Tuesday, February 12 2002 08:00
Master
Member # 5977
Profile Homepage #34
quote:
Originally written by Delicious Vlish:

BTW. Vlish are not slimy. We are mammals. Smooth and dry. Harrumph.
You have tentacles, so in my book you are slimy :P . Being stubborn is something I got from my mother, so don't pay too much attention to it.

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Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00
Guardian
Member # 5360
Profile #35
By Nalyd's definition, Undead is anything that was dead and now it isn't. Besides, if he burns the body, then it'll eventually be reduced to a living skeleton. Which is undead.

EDIT- If he does lose, then he will be horribly disappointed. He was so looking forward to a fight with Ephesos.

EDIT Mk.II- And if Lazarus can immediately come back from the dead with full health, then he is essentially unkillable. So he's already won.

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 10:52: Message edited by: Spokesmage of the Dead ]

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May the fires of Undeath burn in your soul, and consume it.
Posts: 1636 | Registered: Wednesday, January 5 2005 08:00
Shaper
Member # 7472
Profile Homepage #36
quote:
Originally written by Delicious Vlish:

And you forgot deadly flatulence
Have you forgotten Beano?

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I tried to think of something witty to put here.

Needless to say, I failed.
Posts: 2686 | Registered: Friday, September 8 2006 07:00
Shaper
Member # 73
Profile #37
I forget how I voted, aside from voting for myself. I would like to remind everyone that I have the powerful fluffy turtles (including their reigning king, Inspector Peanut), the immeasurably adorable Lampost,
IMAGE(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v398/TheAlmightyDoerOfStuff/Lampostpng.png)
the shock value of Mr. Dick Wangman, Fresh Produce, etc., as well as my sonic art that I force on everyone, some of which is on my Myspace profile (see sig).

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Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Agent
Member # 3364
Profile Homepage #38
1. Excalibur is kingly. He will fight with honor. Infernal is mean and underhanded. She will fight dirty. In the stories of good vs. evil, good usually wins. These stories are biased, though, because the stories of evil wins don't get written. Excalibur is inexperienced. Deathmatch has no save and restore.

Infernal

2. Nioca can do some quick damage only if he can get over the initial shock of seeing a vlish in a kilt. His skills and spells are cancelled by the Vlish.

Delicious Vlish

3. Lord Grimm knows all of Silent Assassin's tricks, TSA knows LG's weaknesses. Thus the match is a stalemate and dwindles down to a staring contest. TSA has no eyelids, therefore he wins.

Silent Assassin

4. Thralini is too nice to hit a girl, especially one in a sexy red dress. Andraste likes to eat chicken.

Andraste

5. I call upon the judge for an overrulling of the majority vote in this match if it contrasts my logic. As I am about to explain, Nalyd must win. As per definition of the deathmatch; the match is to the death. Almost every description has stated that Nalyd will kill Lazarus. Many state more than once. The first time Lazarus is dead, the match has ended and Nalyd had won. For support, I will draw your attention to Star Trek: TNG Season 1 Episode 104: Code of Honor in which Natasha Yarr is abducted then proposed to by a big burly black man. The man's current wife challenges Yarr to a deathmatch. Yarr strikes a fatal blow but immediately beams herself and her opponent aboard the Enterprise where the wife is revived. Yarr was still declared the winner of said deathmatch though her opponent was no longer dead. Allowing Lazarus to win in this match, where most agree he will die first, guarantees him the Championship and invalidates the whole premise.

Nalyd must win.

6. Acid can melt a big nose even if one knows how to use it.

Randomizer

7. Pit the unstable agains the stable and the unstable wins for catching the stable off guard.

Nikki

8. With saunders' motherly love, she can lull stew boy into a false sense of security. Stew boy may not be fooled and continue growling but any mother knows that punishment is sometimes necessisary for the proper upbringing of any naughty child. Stew boy is grounded. Six feet under.

Saunders

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 14:22: Message edited by: Jewels ]

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"Even the worst Terror from Hell can be transformed to a testimony from Heaven!" - Rev. David Wood 6\23\05

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Posts: 1001 | Registered: Tuesday, August 19 2003 07:00
Shaper
Member # 7472
Profile Homepage #39
Not to break up the party, but I'd say it's about time to call matches 1, 2, 7, and 8. The winning contestants (Infernal, DV, Nikki, and Saunders) are so far ahead that it would be impossible to catch up at this point.

But I suppose that isn't my decision, so...

*watches as the percentage ratings for self continue to slip down to 20%*

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I tried to think of something witty to put here.

Needless to say, I failed.
Posts: 2686 | Registered: Friday, September 8 2006 07:00
Guardian
Member # 5360
Profile #40
Thank you, Jewels and ET. Excellent points.

But wait, this isn't a pointless post! Nalyd has something to add. Nalyd has over 30 previous saved games in BoA. He makes liberal use of the HLPM, script editing, and the Editor. As a result, his current party is level 578, equipped with better-than god weapons and armor. He also has over 9 hours of free time each day, for the hard puzzles. If it's literally impossible to beat, there's always the Editor. So take that, BoA.

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May the fires of Undeath burn in your soul, and consume it.
Posts: 1636 | Registered: Wednesday, January 5 2005 08:00
Nuke and Pave
Member # 24
Profile Homepage #41
quote:
Originally written by Jewels:

...
5. I call upon the judge for an overrulling of the majority vote in this match if it contrasts my logic. As I am about to explain, Nalyd must win. As per definition of the deathmatch; the match is to the death. Almost every description has stated that Nalyd will kill Lazarus. Many state more than once. The first time Lazarus is dead, the match has ended and Nalyd had won. For support, I will draw your attention to Star Trek: TNG Season 1 Episode 104: Code of Honor in which Natasha Yarr is abducted then proposed to by a big burly black man. The man's current wife challenges Yarr to a deathmatch. Yarr strikes a fatal blow but immediately beams herself and her opponent aboard the Enterprise where the wife is revived. Yarr was still declared the winner of said deathmatch though her opponent was no longer dead. Allowing Lazarus to win in this match, where most agree he will die first, guarantees him the Championship and invalidates the whole premise.

Nalyd must win.
...

The reason your logic doesn't apply to this case is that in your example the winner refused to continue the fight, arguing that it was over. However, (as Nalyd has proven with his multi-edited multiple posts in this thread :P ), he is far too stubborn to be stopped by such a minor detail as his opponent being dead. And when the opponent gets up, it would be far more in character for Nalyd to attack him with increased fury, rather than to stop and think about the rules and the ways of using them to avoid the fight.

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 15:00: Message edited by: Zeviz ]

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Be careful with a word, as you would with a sword,
For it too has the power to kill.
However well placed word, unlike a well placed sword,
Can also have the power to heal.
Posts: 2649 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00
Guardian
Member # 5360
Profile #42
But Nalyd not working with the rules does not deny the rules themselves. Nalyd may continue to attack Lazarus, but after the first death, he has already won.

Wow. Nalyd is more determined than usual about this.

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May the fires of Undeath burn in your soul, and consume it.
Posts: 1636 | Registered: Wednesday, January 5 2005 08:00
Agent
Member # 8030
Profile Homepage #43
#1. It's very difficult to hurt my feelings, so Muffin's insults do no good. The Excalibur, with its magical abilities will easily slice through any normal muffin. The demon muffin, however, isn't affected, and I don't have time to perform an exorcism. Unless I can get to Muffin before the demon muffin comes into play, I lose.
Winner: Infernal Flamming Muffin

#2. Vlish has a useful advantage with his mind powers, but Nioca easily resists with his/her priestly powers. Nioca runs up and attacks, while VLish returns with a slap. Vlish are weak, and Nioca eventually penetrates his flesh.
Winner: Nioca

#3. Reaper disks and scythes beat daggers anytime.
Winner: Lord Grimm

#4. Andraste can counter the vegetables with her clubs, but the chicken gods will come to Thralni's aide.
Winner: Thralni

#5. Lazarus will probably resist Nalyd's powers at first, but it will eventually get to him. Also, Lazarus can only be resurrected once.
Winner: Nalyd

#6. This is too obvious.
Winner: Randomizer

#7. Nemisis simply steps out of the way of Nikki's pencil. However, Nemisis' lack of offensive powers leave him helpless.
Winner: Nikki

#8. The fluffy turtles will hypnotize Stew Boy, and Saunder can tell him/her to kill his/her self.
Winner: Saunders

I'm baffled by Match 1's descriptions. Muffin lives in America , and happens to be a male.

HOW IN THE HECK did someone perceive me as conservative??!! :eek: :confused:

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 15:53: Message edited by: Excalibur ]

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WWJD?
Posts: 1384 | Registered: Tuesday, February 6 2007 08:00
Councilor
Member # 6600
Profile Homepage #44
Um, Infernal is clearly not IFM.

Edit: How does Dikiyoba manage to create typos in such short posts? :rolleyes:

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 15:57: Message edited by: Dikiyoba ]
Posts: 4346 | Registered: Friday, December 23 2005 08:00
Shaper
Member # 73
Profile #45
quote:
Originally written by Excalibur:


#6. This is too obvious.
Winner: Randomizer

What do you mean by that? You're too much of a n00b for you to know either of us well enough that you can make snap judgements like that. I demand an explanation!

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Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Agent
Member # 8030
Profile Homepage #46
Acid will burn right through a nose, let alone a whole body. I have to say though, arcane lore is almost useless in a death match.

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WWJD?
Posts: 1384 | Registered: Tuesday, February 6 2007 08:00
Shaper
Member # 73
Profile #47
But we all have bodies, so therefore if the entire logic behind my loss is that acid will dissolve my body, then Randomizer can dissolve anybody and should automatically get into the final round where he will lose to the other broken ability belonging to Lazarus. The whole tournament is moot in that case.

--------------------
My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art
The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community
The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database
Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database
BoE Webring - Self explanatory
Polaris - Free porn here
Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too)
They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance
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Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Raven v. Writing Desk
Member # 261
Profile Homepage #48
ADoS, please keep invective out of the tourney. Personal attacks are not OK.

quote:
Originally written by Jewels:

Deathmatch has no save and restore.
Jewels, I love you. As of now, this is the official Spiderweb Deathmatch Tournament motto.

...or maybe it should be called the Permadeathmatch? :P

Edit: I am beginning to write the Judge's opinion for round one, part one. It may take a while. Nalyd vs Lazarus alone I may need to write a dissertation on. I have to admit the response has exceeded even what I expected -- y'all have made some outstanding arguments! Three cheers for you!

[ Tuesday, May 01, 2007 16:41: Message edited by: Polydegmon ]

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Slarty vs. DeskDesk vs. SlartyTimeline of ErmarianG4 Strategy Central
Posts: 3560 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 6193
Profile Homepage #49
quote:
Originally written by Spokesmage of the Dead:

But wait, this isn't a pointless post! Nalyd has something to add. Nalyd has over 30 previous saved games in BoA. He makes liberal use of the HLPM, script editing, and the Editor. As a result, his current party is level 578, equipped with better-than god weapons and armor. He also has over 9 hours of free time each day, for the hard puzzles. If it's literally impossible to beat, there's always the Editor. So take that, BoA.
I'd like to see the party that can beat FB without dying. :D

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