International Bad Pun Day
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...b10010b...
Member # 869
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written Tuesday, April 25 2006 23:35
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Q: Which German philosopher invented the tradition of the Easter egg hunt? A: Heidegger. -------------------- The Empire Always Loses: This Time For Sure! Posts: 9973 | Registered: Saturday, March 30 2002 08:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 6629
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written Tuesday, April 25 2006 23:39
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Two men walked into a bar. Ouch. :P -------------------- "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." Posts: 120 | Registered: Sunday, January 1 2006 08:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 3441
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written Tuesday, April 25 2006 23:41
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A vulture walked onto a plane with two dead racoons in it's beak. The stewardess stopped him, saying, "I'm sorry, only one carrion per passenger." -------------------- "As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it." --Albert Einstein -------------------- Posts: 536 | Registered: Sunday, September 7 2003 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 1092
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written Tuesday, April 25 2006 23:41
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Take a look in my last post in "Pronunciation" in the Exile board. That was so funny I forgot to laugh. -------------------- When you think you can't get any lower in life and hit rock bottom, God hands you a shovel. Why should I say somthin intelligent when idiots like you make me look intelligent in the first place. Posts: 615 | Registered: Friday, May 3 2002 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 5450
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written Tuesday, April 25 2006 23:51
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Q. Who wrote the book "Russian Retreat"? A. Imanikkenoff. -------------------- I'll put a Spring in your step. :ph34r: Posts: 2396 | Registered: Saturday, January 29 2005 08:00 |
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Electric Sheep One
Member # 3431
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 01:09
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A rope wants a drink, but the sign on the bar door says 'No Ropes'. So he tangles himself into a head-shaped snarl and pulls his threads so they stick out like hair. Then he rolls in, hops onto a stool and demands a beer. The suspicious bartender asks, "Are you a rope?" "I'm afraid not." -------------------- We're not doing cool. We're doing pretty. Posts: 3335 | Registered: Thursday, September 4 2003 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 01:14
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quote:The pun's more obvious with "a frayed knot", actually... --- A fish swam into a wall. "Dam." You did say "bad" pun... -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 6581
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 03:10
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Hoping that I am on-topic... Q: What does sea monsters eat? R: Fish and Ships! :D (Hoping is not old...) -------------------- Download Geneforge 4: Rebellion You have 6 posts. Nobody cares what you think. - Thuryl Wikipedia may be your friend, but UBB is not. - Dikiyoba Posts: 1310 | Registered: Tuesday, December 20 2005 08:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 4
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 04:54
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   -------------------- * Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6403
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 05:06
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quote:Bad TM. -------------------- ??? ?????? ???? ????? Posts: 883 | Registered: Wednesday, October 19 2005 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 05:09
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... AAAAARGH Took a few seconds. I'm not Australian, after all. -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Councilor
Member # 6600
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 05:29
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Two atoms are walking down a street together. One says, "Hey, I think I lost an electron!" The other says, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive." ----- Dikiyoba. Posts: 4346 | Registered: Friday, December 23 2005 08:00 |
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Master
Member # 5977
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 05:33
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Two idiots walk down the street. One of them asks: "Can I walk in the middle please?" Two cows are standing on the farmland. one of them says "Boo." Then the other says: "Hey! You stole my text!" yes, all the puns here are horrible. Not even one made me laugh, which is an achievement. -------------------- Play and rate my scenarios: Where the rivers meet View my upcoming scenario: The Nephil Search: Escape. Give us your drek! Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00 |
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Guardian
Member # 2339
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 06:12
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I once entered ten puns into a contest, hoping at least one would win. Unfortunantly, no pun in ten did. -------------------- -Zephyr Tempest, your personal entertainer Posts: 1779 | Registered: Monday, December 9 2002 08:00 |
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The Establishment
Member # 6
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 06:40
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The neutron asks how much and the bartender replies, "For you, no charge!" -------------------- Your flower power is no match for my glower power! Posts: 3726 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 6581
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 06:56
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quote:Megaman Battle Network 3, right? :P -------------------- Download Geneforge 4: Rebellion You have 6 posts. Nobody cares what you think. - Thuryl Wikipedia may be your friend, but UBB is not. - Dikiyoba Posts: 1310 | Registered: Tuesday, December 20 2005 08:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 2064
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 07:39
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. -------------------- I am an idiot. Posts: 775 | Registered: Friday, October 11 2002 07:00 |
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Guardian
Member # 6670
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 07:54
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By Zephyr: quote:Actually, that one is pretty good. I'm not going to stay any longer. I'm having horrific flashbacks of the Xanth series. -------------------- Is a bun the lowest form of bread? Posts: 1509 | Registered: Tuesday, January 10 2006 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 5437
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 08:02
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It looked as though my new pants might have been hastily sewn, but the salesman assured me that every stitch was exactly as it seamed. Posts: 2032 | Registered: Wednesday, January 26 2005 08:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 335
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 08:06
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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?" Say it out loud. —Alorael, who was once employed by a lab that developed an experimental technique for indefinitely prolonguing natural lifespans. The test was conducted in porpoises, and the only way to keep them alive was to keep feeding them seagulls. The local gull population was quickly depleted, however, so assistants were sent out to catch gulls nearby. One caught a fair supply and was bringing them back when his path happened to cross that of a lion that had escaped from a nearby zoo. The assistant quickly called the police for help as he ran for his life, but when they arrived they arrested him. He was convicted of carrying gulls across strayed lions for immortal porpoises. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
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Raven v. Writing Desk
Member # 261
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 08:34
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Oh god. Xanth. *shivers* MagmaDragoon, you really need to spend some time away from Mega Man. Very far away. -------------------- Slarty vs. Desk • Desk vs. Slarty • Timeline of Ermarian • G4 Strategy Central Posts: 3560 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 5969
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 11:32
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I've heard that an Oedipus complex is a root cause of obesity… some people will look at just about anything and decide that it's Oedipal. The integral of dcabin/cabin is ln {pronounced "log"} (cabin) + c = houseboat. Two musicians are walking down the street. One of them says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with the other night?" The other says, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife." What is the range of a piccolo? About twenty yards if you've got a good arm. An orchestra is giving a performance of Beethoven's ninth symphony. Between the third and fourth movements, the two double bass players decide to sneak out. They drop their instruments, which land on the cello players who sit in front of them. The unfortunate two are unconscious for the remainder of the concert. So they sneak into a nearby bar and meet their friend, a European nobleman. They all get really drunk and eventually one of the bass players says, "Shouldn't we be getting back?" and the other one says, "No, it's fine… right before we left, I tied up the last couple of pages of the conductor's music with a piece of string. It'll take him a while to untangle it." So when it's finally time to start, the conductor is looking really nervous. Someone in the audience says, "Why is the conductor so nervous?" and the guy next to him says, "Well, it's the last of the ninth, the score is tied, two men are out, the basses are loaded, and the count is full." A C, an E flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors…" So the E flat leaves and the bartender asks the G, who is the more dominant of the two personalities, "Do you want some gin with your tonic?" And the G says "Sure!" and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. And, finally, an Exile-related one. A C, an E flat, and a G walk into the Tower of the Magi. Ambrin runs up to them and says, "Hey! It's the Triad!" Kelner snorts and says, "Pretty minor Triad if you ask me." -------------------- A C, an E-flat, and a G walk into the Tower of the Magi. Ambrin walks up to them and says, "Hey! It's the Triad!" Kelner snorts and says, "Pretty minor Triad if you ask me." Posts: 242 | Registered: Thursday, June 16 2005 07:00 |
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Guardian
Member # 2339
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 14:06
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quote:I don't quite get that one. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes Benz. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. -------------------- -Zephyr Tempest, your personal entertainer Posts: 1779 | Registered: Monday, December 9 2002 08:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6193
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 14:23
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A baby seal walked into a club. -------------------- Guaranteed to blow your mind. Frostbite: Get It While It's...... Hot? Posts: 900 | Registered: Monday, August 8 2005 07:00 |
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Nuke and Pave
Member # 24
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written Wednesday, April 26 2006 14:28
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quote:Try saying it aloud, replacing "gulls" with "gals", dropping 'r' in "strayed", 'o' in "lions", and 't' in "immortal". [ Wednesday, April 26, 2006 14:29: Message edited by: Zeviz ] -------------------- Be careful with a word, as you would with a sword, For it too has the power to kill. However well placed word, unlike a well placed sword, Can also have the power to heal. Posts: 2649 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
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