Everyone's a Comedian

Pages

AuthorTopic: Everyone's a Comedian
Shaper
Member # 6292
Profile #0
I have decided I would like a good laugh. Tell me a joke, any joke. Your favorite joke, your newest joke, your worst joke, your most clever joke, your stupidest joke, your worst pun, your most morbid and twisted tale or whatever else you think is likely to make your local Spiderweb chums laugh out loud. Keep in mind that we have a Code of Conduct and discriminate accordingly.

I'll go first.

A businessman from out of town walks into a bar high up in a metropolitan high rise tower. He sits at the bar and orders a drink. The man next to him glances over and says, "Sayyyy, you're not from around here, are you?" The businessman shakes his head and the second man says, "Well, hey, you might not believe this, but see how this office tower is so close to that one across the street? The winds through here create this terrific updraft between these two buildings. In fact, I could walk over there, jump out that window, and the updraft would push me right back up and into the window again!"

The businessman looks incredulous. "No way!"

The second man pulls out his wallet and plops a $50 bill down on the counter. "I'll bet you $50 that if I jump out that window, I'll get blown back in."

"You're on!" says the businessman.

The second man walks over to the window, slides it open, and steps out. He begins to fall, but sure enough, about ten feet down he suddenly begins to rise back up and pops back in through the window.

"That was amazing!" shouts the businessman. "I gotta try that!" He runs over to the window, jumps out.............falls.......................SPLAT!!!

The bartender looks at the second man and slowly shakes his head. "Superman, you sure are a mean drunk!"

And no...that's not my WORST joke. If your jokes fail to amuse me, I might had to dredge it up and get medieval on you. Fire away.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 06:09: Message edited by: Synergy67 ]

--------------------
[Insert Signature Here]
Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 1468
Profile Homepage #1
Here's one I heard in school one day:

This foreigner walks into a bar, and orders 3 beers. The bartender gives him his beers, and the man goes of a drinks the beers 1 sip at a time, and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders the same thing, and the bartender says "You know, the beers start to get flat after I serve them. You can buy them one at a time, and they won't go flat." The man responds saying, "This is a promise me and my 2 brothers made to each other after I left my home country. We would drink three beers at once, in memory of when we drank together." The bartender then serves him the beers. This goes on for a couple weeks, when one day, the man orders 2 beers, instead of 3. The bartender says to the man, "I'm sorry for your loss." The man gets a confused look on his face, then realizes what the bartender meant. Tha man replies, "Oh! No, my brothers are fine. My wife is making me go to AA meetings, so I can't drink anymore, but that hasn't affected my brothers."

2 jokes copied from ebaum's world:

Joke 1:
A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a *****" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

Joke 2:
Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

"Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

"Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

"So, what are you doing?"

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 00:12: Message edited by: Eldibs ]

--------------------
"We can learn a lot from crayons. Some are short, some are dull, some are sharp, some are tall. Some have funny names and they are all different colors, but they all learn to live in the same box."

"Happy is the man that has wisdom and gets discernment. For having wisdom as gain is better than having silver as gain and having wisdom as produce is better than gold itself" Proverbs 3:14-3:15

The horrible part about life is, you'll never get out of it alive.

Currently boycotting: AngelFire, GameFAQ's
Everybody should go to this site at least once.
Posts: 818 | Registered: Tuesday, July 9 2002 07:00
Shaper
Member # 5450
Profile Homepage #2
I've heard Synergy's one before. Anyway, a joke:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Taken from this site.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 00:23: Message edited by: Johnno ]

--------------------
Mugglenet--The ULTIMATE Harry Potter Site.
Polaris-- New location.
Posts: 2396 | Registered: Saturday, January 29 2005 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 1468
Profile Homepage #3
I just remembered one I heard a long time ago:

5 people were in a plane: The pilot, the President, the Pope, the smartest man in the world, and a small boy. The pilot runs into the seating area screaming, "The plane is going to crash!!!!!"
The smartest man in the world says, "There are only 4 parachutes, and 5 of us. How do we decide who gets one?"
The pilot replies, "Well, since I'm the pilot, I get a parachute." He then grabs a parachute, and jumps from the plane.
The President then says, "Well, I'm the President, so I get a parachute." He also grabs one and jumps from the plane.
The smartest man in the world says, "Well, since I'm the smartest man in the world, I get one," and he grabs a parachute and jumps.
The Pope then says to the boy, "I'm old, I've lived my life for a lot longer than you, so you take the parachute, and I'll go down with the plane."
The boy replies by saying, "No, there's enough parachutes for both of us. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!"

--------------------
"We can learn a lot from crayons. Some are short, some are dull, some are sharp, some are tall. Some have funny names and they are all different colors, but they all learn to live in the same box."

"Happy is the man that has wisdom and gets discernment. For having wisdom as gain is better than having silver as gain and having wisdom as produce is better than gold itself" Proverbs 3:14-3:15

The horrible part about life is, you'll never get out of it alive.

Currently boycotting: AngelFire, GameFAQ's
Everybody should go to this site at least once.
Posts: 818 | Registered: Tuesday, July 9 2002 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 737
Profile #4
Constantine was a businessman, and on one of his business trip he had to pass by a certain mountain. Unfortunately, he came across ill wheather that had him stranded with no place to go but an old monastery. He knocked on the great wooden door of the monastery. And the kind monks were gracious enough to offer him lodging for the night.

That night, in his room, he heard a very strange sound coming from the next room. It wasn't a scary sound but it sure peaked his interest. When morning came and time to go, he asked the head monk about the sound. And the head monk replied, "I'm sorry I cannot tell because you are not a monk." So Constantine went on his way.

One year later, he yet again on another business trip to the same area. And for some strange twist of fate was stranded and force to seek refuge at the same monastery. He was again given the room he spend a night one year ago. Again, the strange sound brought his curiosity to the max. When morning came, he approached the head monk and inquire about the sound. Again he was told, "I'm sorry I cannot tell because you are not a monk."

To this reply, Constantine ask the head monk how he can become a monk. So the head monk showed him a list of mountains. And told him that in order to be allowed to become a monk of that monastery, he must choose 5 mountains from the list and count the number of trees growing in those mountains. Because of his curiosity, Constantine undertook the task.

After several month of counting trees, Constantine finally reported to the head monk for the results. So to speak, he had passed, and was initiated as a monk of that monastery.

That night, the head monk and several ranking monks accompanied him to the room where the strange sound have emitted. And before them was a massive wooden brown door. He was given a key to open the wooden brown door. And behold, a great wooden black door stood before them. He was again given a key to unlock this door. Next stood a great wooden white door, then a door made of lead, then a door made of iron, then a door made of bronze, then a door made of silver, then a door made of gold. For each door, Constantine was given a key to unlock. Finally, after opening the door of gold, there stood a magnificent chest encrusted with pearls the size of a fist. He was again given a key to open the chest. Then a chest with sapphires, then a chest with rubies, then a chest with emeralds, then a chest with garnets, and for each chest, he was given a key to unlock them. Finally, he stood in front of a chest encrusted with diamonds. With the key in his hands, Constantine trembles as he can hear the strange sound getting louder. Then he opens the diamond chest. He stood before the source of this strange sound, so incredible and magnificent was the sight that he fell down on his knees and wept like he had never wept before.

--------------------
Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone
Posts: 595 | Registered: Tuesday, March 12 2002 08:00
...b10010b...
Member # 869
Profile Homepage #5
I don't get it.

--------------------
My BoE Page
Bandwagons are fun!
Roots
Hunted!
Posts: 9973 | Registered: Saturday, March 30 2002 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 1468
Profile Homepage #6
I don't get it either. Please explain.

--------------------
"We can learn a lot from crayons. Some are short, some are dull, some are sharp, some are tall. Some have funny names and they are all different colors, but they all learn to live in the same box."

"Happy is the man that has wisdom and gets discernment. For having wisdom as gain is better than having silver as gain and having wisdom as produce is better than gold itself" Proverbs 3:14-3:15

The horrible part about life is, you'll never get out of it alive.

Currently boycotting: AngelFire, GameFAQ's
Everybody should go to this site at least once.
Posts: 818 | Registered: Tuesday, July 9 2002 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #7
It's not so much a joke as some kind of parable or koan, I think. What it is supposed to symbolize, however, is beyond me.

--------------------
The Encyclopaedia Ermariana <-- Now a Wiki!
"Polaris leers down from the black vault, winking hideously like an insane watching eye which strives to convey some strange message, yet recalls nothing save that it once had a message to convey." --- HP Lovecraft.
"I single Aran out due to his nasty temperament, and his superior intellect." --- SupaNik
Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Post Navel Trauma ^_^
Member # 67
Profile Homepage #8
Why do giraffes have such long necks?

Because otherwise their heads wouldn't be connected to their bodies.

--------------------
Barcoorah: I even did it to a big dorset ram.

desperance.net - Don't follow this link
Posts: 1798 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
...b10010b...
Member # 869
Profile Homepage #9
I suppose it's possible that he screwed up the punchline, and the point of the joke was that the sound he'd heard all those years ago was the last poor sap of a monk crying when he realised the final box was empty. That'd actually be pretty funny.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 02:21: Message edited by: Thuryl ]

--------------------
My BoE Page
Bandwagons are fun!
Roots
Hunted!
Posts: 9973 | Registered: Saturday, March 30 2002 08:00
Master
Member # 5977
Profile Homepage #10
A dutchmen, a German and a Belgian are at a pool. Suddenly, the Belgian stand up and walks over to a small stone. He picks it up and comes back. "Look what I found! A stone of luck!" he says enthousiastically. "We can all make a wish".

First, the German takes the stone and walks over to the pool. Wjile he jumps into the ppol, he shouts: "I want this pool to be filled with beer!"

The pool fills up with beer.

Next, The belgian takes the stone, and while jumping he shouts: "I want the pool to be filled with lemonade!"

The pool fills up with lemonade.

Next and last, the Dutchmen takes the stone and walks to the pool. He begins to run in order to jump in it, however, he slips and shouts "****!"

The pool fills up with ****.

Now you may laugh.

EDIT: It looks like the forum didn't like that word. In any case, what had to stand at the dots, was the brown smelly thing you once in a while despose of in the toilet.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 03:02: Message edited by: Thralni, emperor of Riverrod ]

--------------------
Thralni's almighty Avernum pages: My webpage, containing scenario's and graphics made by me (And maybe someday the homepage of the almighty chicken gods).

Click here for more information on Olga's fortune teller kiosk

Olga's fortune teller kiosk has been temporarily closed down, but you can contact the prophet with a PM - Was signed by the prophet of the almighty chicken gods, gods of everything that is a chicken.
Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 737
Profile #11
Well, you were supposed to ask, "What was in the last chest?" The answer to that is, of course, "I'm sorry I cannot tell because you are not a monk".

:P

--------------------
Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone
Posts: 595 | Registered: Tuesday, March 12 2002 08:00
Warrior
Member # 2978
Profile #12
What did the buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

- Make me one with everything.

Edit:

What's brown and sound like a bell?

- DUNG!

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 13:02: Message edited by: Emlurk ]

--------------------
Drama queens and long sigs suck. Cut the crap.
Posts: 148 | Registered: Tuesday, May 13 2003 07:00
Shaper
Member # 6292
Profile #13
Harrrumph! Let's see how we're doing....
...uh huh
...ha ha! [twisted but I like it]
...heh heh
...heh [note to self: run by two engineer friends & see if they laugh]
...hmmm, this one was very funny when I first heard it—when I was eight!
...HUH?......Oh. Riveting story. I was into it. So what WAS in the chest?
...groooooannn
...bleahhhhhh! [must be some of that European humor]
...um...punchline?

15 points to Gryffindor, 10 points to Ravenclaw, 5 points to Hufflepuff....oh wait, never mind.

Keep 'em comin'. I am as of yet only mildly amused. I'm afraid in the meantime you all must be punished:

••Did you hear about the man who couldn't pay for his exorcism?
--The priest repossessed him.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 06:12: Message edited by: Synergy67 ]

--------------------
[Insert Signature Here]
Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00
Master
Member # 5977
Profile Homepage #14
quote:
Originally written by Synergy67:

...bleahhhhhh! [must be some of that European humor]
Something wrong with that?

Oh well, it wasn't such a good joke anyway.

Now for some Jewish humor (you have to get it before you can really laugh).

JOKE 1

A jew comes to the zoo, and first walks over to the giraffes. He stands in front of the animal, looks at it, and says: "Such an animal does not exist!"

JOKE 2

A jew comes with his dog o the synagoge. However, the rabbi stops him and says: "You can't enter with a dog."

The man answeres: "But its a special dog!"

"What's so special about it"

"I'll show you." The man walks to the dog and asks him to wash his hands and open his small bible. The dog does it. he washes his hands, dries his paws and opens his bible. Amazed the rabbi looks at the dog: "You should take the dog to Hollywood! You could be rich!"

"Yes, I know", the man answeres,"but I can't help it the dog wants to be a dentist."

--------------------
Thralni's almighty Avernum pages: My webpage, containing scenario's and graphics made by me (And maybe someday the homepage of the almighty chicken gods).

Click here for more information on Olga's fortune teller kiosk

Olga's fortune teller kiosk has been temporarily closed down, but you can contact the prophet with a PM - Was signed by the prophet of the almighty chicken gods, gods of everything that is a chicken.
Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00
Shaper
Member # 6292
Profile #15
quote:
Originally written by Thralni, emperor of Riverrod:

quote:
Originally written by Synergy67:

...bleahhhhhh! [must be some of that European humor]
Something wrong with that?

Well, in all fairness, it did make me laugh, but still...bleahhh!

Joke #2 was so goofy, I couldn't help laughing. My wrath for the moment has been diminished.

--------------------
[Insert Signature Here]
Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 4682
Profile #16
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?
Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

EDIT: I've always liked this line, had to include it.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 08:28: Message edited by: Nicothodes ]

--------------------
If anyone ever asks you why you did something, say "Because I could".
Posts: 834 | Registered: Thursday, July 8 2004 07:00
Too Sexy for my Title
Member # 5654
Profile #17
I got one, but I'm not sure if it will violate the CoC, probably will though. Um, should I post it?

Edit: here it goes. Whichever mod is more than free to edit my message if they find it offensive or if it's breaking the CoC.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Removed for the sake of Puritans.]

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 09:29: Message edited by: Severity ]
Posts: 1035 | Registered: Friday, April 1 2005 08:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #18
A physicist, an engineer, and a programmer are all in a car, driving along a windy road with a ravine to their left and a mountain to their right. Then they hit a rock, or a wet patch, or something, and the car veers over the edge of the ravine and they tumble down.

Miraculously, all three get out of the car unharmed and see that even the car is still in working condition, although it's pretty banged up.

The physicist says, "I'm going to climb back up there, look at the ground and any skid marks we left, and try to figure out what happened."

The engineer shakes his head. "No, that's not important right now. There's some rope in the trunk, and if we rig up a pulley system and tie everything right, I think we can haul the car back up."

The programmer says, "Great! Then we can get back in and go back over the cliff again and again until I know what went wrong!"

—Alorael, who dedicates this program to everyone who has ever tested a program.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 3368
Profile #19
What did the Elephant say to the Mushroom?
You're a fun guy.

--------------------
"Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved with bending"
Posts: 287 | Registered: Tuesday, August 19 2003 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #20
Q: What's the difference between a contortionist and an extortionist?

A: The former is an introvert who twists himself into pretzel-shapes for money, while the latter is an extrovert who twists other people into pretzel-shapes for money.

(A terrible joke of my own devising. Rotten vegetables can be thrown at any time.)

--------------------
The A.E. van Vogt Information Site
My Tribute to the Greatest Writer of the Science Fiction Golden Age
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Warrior
Member # 6347
Profile #21
quote:
Originally written by Bender Bending Rodriguez:

What did the Elephant say to the Mushroom?
You're a fun guy.

Strangely, this is the one that made me laugh the most.

I don't understand why it has to be an elephant, but I guess that makes it funnier because it doesn't make sense.

...

Most jokes I can think of would violate the CoC, so... yeah... not posting.

But!

Still got a few:

I was looking for #9, cuz I couldn't remember the exact wording (I still think it was different when I first saw it), but, yeah... here you go, 10 puns:

* 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only only one carrion allowed per passenger."
* 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam! ... "
* 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
* 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
* 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
* 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
* 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
* 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
* 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
* 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

...

Here's my favorite joke of all times. It's so lame, and so zen-like in its subtle simplicity:

"A man walks into a bar... and says ouch."

--------------------
"Take time to listen to what is said without words, to obey the law too subtle to be written, to worship the unnameable and to embrace the unformed." -- Lao Tzu
Posts: 124 | Registered: Monday, September 26 2005 07:00
Shaper
Member # 6292
Profile #22
Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! No wait...more! Muji, it's scary, you seem to have amassed the same kind of really dumb pun-ishment that makes me laugh most, and makes my friends groan and threaten violence upon my person. Right down to the man walks into a bar. I love that one. Really really dumb...but effective.

Ischi, I like your homemade joke. It is quite wryly clever and took some brainwork. Feel free to put me down as a reference on your resumé.

Bender: quick, merciless, and lethal. Nice work. And, um, yeah...why an elephant?

Alorael: proves once again that there can never be too many lawyer or engineer jokes.

Marlenny: you naughty girl! I saw what you did....and I laughed a lot...and then it was gone. I saved the evidence however. I'm sending my associate "Guido" over to collect your first extortion payment.

Nico, that one gets added to my arsenal. I'll ty to remember to send you the royalties. Coincidentally, they will add up to the exact amount I am able to extort from Marlenny.

...

And now that I have been laughing heartily and reveling in all the mirth and merriment thus far, I cannot help but feel that I somehow must attempt to repay your generosity *in kind* with some more of my best worst jokes. Hey....where d'ya think yer goin'? [pushes button which drops the gate preventing the victims from further escape]. We will have jokes now and you will partake.

...

What do you call a midget fortune teller who escapes from jail?
A small medium at large.

Did you hear about the fight at the candy shop?
Two suckers got licked.

Did you hear about the accident at the army camp?
A truck ran over a box of popcorn and two kernels got smashed.

Did you hear about the man who had his entire left side cut off?
He's all right now.

Why do we say "Amen" after church songs instead of "Awoman"?
Because we sing "Hymns" not "Hers."

When my sister wants some money, she calls me handsome.
Handsome?
Yes...hand some over.

Hey, waitress! These particles in my soup...aren't they foreign objects?
No Sir! Those things live around here.

And this last one in particular is dedicated to Muji proving that no good deed goes unpunished:

A shifty painter got a contract to paint the local minister's house. After settling on a costly, high-quality paint, the painter started the job. Soon he figured out he had underestimated the amount of paint he would need. Though he felt a pang of guilt at first, he watered down all the paint and completed the job without having to buy any extra. The minister didn't seem to notice the difference, and the opportunistic fellow collected his money and left, congratulating himself on how clever he was. But that night, as the painter lay in his bed, a light shone down upon him, and a loud voice called down to him..."Repaint you thinner!"

[ Sunday, October 09, 2005 12:21: Message edited by: Synergy67 ]

--------------------
[Insert Signature Here]
Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 6136
Profile #23
i dont know a lot of english jokes,but a lot of chilean blck humor...
as a sad try i will translate a joke that could still be understanded,quite a sh_ _:

there was two men walking in the street,one was called Nobody and the other Stupid.
suddenly a car drove to Nobody and Stupid go calling for help.
he found a cop and told him:
-help please, Nobody was drove!
the police answer him:
-sir are you Stupid?
and he answer:
-yes, please to meet you...

:P
the other are joks that myfriends understant and they laugh to death.

--------------------
Death to my enemies!!
Posts: 446 | Registered: Friday, July 22 2005 07:00
Warrior
Member # 6347
Profile #24
Must... stop... crying... with... laughter... *gasps*

...

Chicho, good translation. ;)

Reminds me of this one:

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

...

And Synergy, those are my favorite kind. The lamer, the better... as long as the pun is good.

The kind that makes you unsure if you should groan, then laugh, or laugh, then groan... so instead you try doing both at the same time.

--------------------
"Take time to listen to what is said without words, to obey the law too subtle to be written, to worship the unnameable and to embrace the unformed." -- Lao Tzu
Posts: 124 | Registered: Monday, September 26 2005 07:00

Pages