A Few Things Spiderweb Games Have Taught Us
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Shock Trooper
Member # 55
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written Monday, April 21 2003 20:01
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In the proud vein of my drinking game, bringing liver transplates to proud Spiderweb-ites everywhere, I introduce something that nobody will find funny. Oh, well. Just don't ban me. I really am trying. Things Spiderweb Games Have Taught Us: 1) It is possible to fly in a two-dimensional world. 2) Never kill the old people. They're either really powerful, or really weak but will cause tremendous havoc to you. 3) Things that smell really bad = good. 4) Things that smell really good = bad. Especially in cooking pots. 5) People throughout the world will beg you to do something and in the next sequel badmouth you for doing it. 6) Do not confuse mung demons and mung rats, or you will receive a rude surprise. 7) The most primitive of civilizations will nontheless have a clearly defined social hierarchy, including chieftains, shamans, and warriors. However, warriors and shamans will very seldom make up the bulk of a military force, even though every second guy in your average Avernite town is a guard or a wizard. 8) It doesn't matter what the opposite sex says. You're cute. 9) The same basic design of boat, made out of thin wood and haphazardly capable of fording calm waterways, will nontheless tangle such diverse environments as waterfalls, rapids, lava, and icy liquid stuff with ease. 10) Every little fortress out of the sway of civilization is usually evil and invariably controlled or administered by something undead, conjured up by a process you really don't want to know about. 11) The blue stuff in an Empire Archives facility is not a Slurpee and should not be treated as such. 12) Crystal Souls are things to be reverently and mystically adored, before being locked up in the nearest facility in the middle of nowhere with nothing to keep them company save their own crazed thoughts. 13) Despite being surrounded by water and facing what appears to be a total lack of local thermal heat, cold-blooded beings really like it down in a vast series of underground caves. 14) Don't become a businessman. You'll never make it from one sequel to the next, and will have to put up with a constant barrage of irritating adventurers in the meantime. 15) Don't become a guard. Sure, you get kickin' equipment and skills to die for, but the problem with being so great is that some uber-powerful party will sooner or later want to whoop on you. And they'll do it, too. 16) Don't become a wizard. You'll either blow up in the most horrific accident since the last one, or be condemned to eternal bureaucratic obscurity. The lucky ones get old and go crazy. 17) Don't become a mayor. If people aren't busy stealing jewelry from you, they're probably plotting to break into your house and loot it. 18) Despite being called 'kitties', Nephil don't look at all like a cat when you get right down to it. 19) No, nobody has ever managed to do that cool thing with a slith spear where you stab a guy up against a wall with one wrong against each side of his body. The reason for this is that the average guy is seldom four inches wide. 20) If given a choice between quickfire and napalm, take the napalm. Sure, quickfire looks cool, but it also moves at something around two meters per second and appears to be typically heated around room temperature. Perhaps a more appropriate name would be 'lethargiclukewarm'. Feel free to add more, they can't be worse than this. :P [ Monday, April 21, 2003 20:03: Message edited by: Lord Bob ] Posts: 236 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 78
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written Monday, April 21 2003 20:37
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21. You can stand on lava for eternity and not get hurt, but as soon as you move you're incinerated. -------------------- If you own a mobile home and 14 trucks that aren't, you might be a redneck... Posts: 659 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 2870
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written Monday, April 21 2003 21:14
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22. Cats are more likely to talk with you than townspeople on the surface. -------------------- All your base are belong to us!!!! http://people.cornell.edu/pages/slp29/ayb.html Posts: 138 | Registered: Saturday, April 12 2003 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 1768
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 03:46
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quote:I believe Avernum fixed that. 23. Every dark-colored altar has a huge, archdemon inside if you decide to strike or defile it. -------------------- "Oh, North Wind, why frighten others? In Nature's family all are brothers. Puff and blow and wheeze and hiss; You can't frighten Shingebiss. Bring your frost and ice and snow; I'm still free to come and go. You can never frighten me, One who never fears is FREE!" -Shingebiss, the mighty duck Posts: 830 | Registered: Tuesday, August 20 2002 07:00 |
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(TGM)
Veteran* Member # 2286
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 08:24
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24. You will get rich if you bump into walls when you see a dark area on the map. -------------------- Meet the savior. KYMCO Super Fever will force you to do so. Haw. Posts: 911 | Registered: Sunday, November 24 2002 08:00 |
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Senile Reptile
Member # 547
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 10:21
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25) If you murder someone, wait about a month or so and everybody will forget about it. 26) Wearing a helmet will protect you from blades on the ground. -------------------- Polaris Posts: 1614 | Registered: Wednesday, January 23 2002 08:00 |
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Agent
Member # 1169
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 11:54
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27. It is literally impossible to have more than $300.00 in your possession at any one time. 28. All reptiles are demon-worshippers with scary-looking black marble blood-drenched altars. -------------------- "Man hands down misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, and don't have any kids yourself."--Philip Larkin, "This Be the Verse" Fear the wrath of the Grammar Wench, lest ye be cut down by the Glistening Scythe. Posts: 1150 | Registered: Friday, May 17 2002 07:00 |
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Guardian
Member # 2080
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 12:59
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Doesn't this seem a lot like "You know you're a spiderwebber..."? Posts: 1918 | Registered: Sunday, October 13 2002 07:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 2300
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 13:28
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It certainly....rings a bell. Nevertheless... 29. No-one will notice you breaking into their house as long as you shut the door behind you. 30. Cats should always be given feasible names, or you will regret it (Cheeseball does NOT count as a feasible name). -------------------- Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally." - Soviet infantry manual, 1930's Posts: 267 | Registered: Wednesday, November 27 2002 08:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 1360
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 18:19
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Is this only Exile/Avernum, or can the other games be used in this too? Posts: 901 | Registered: Monday, June 24 2002 07:00 |
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Shake Before Using
Member # 75
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 18:45
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Comment on ^^ilos's sig - The members of this board do not provide an accurate sample of the entire world's population, and thus the average intelligence of the board and the average intelligence of the world are likely to be different. To compound that, unless you use the median for averaging (as opposed to the mean / mathematical average), there will not always be 50% of the values on each side. Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 55
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 19:33
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quote:I think it's different, but after thinking about it...I can see where similarities may be seen. So if any admin want to lock it, I won't take it personally. Not that they'd care. :P And, any Spiderweb game is welcome. Posts: 236 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
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BoE Posse
Member # 2475
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 19:39
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30. You become more skilled for killing lots of things. -------------------- http://members.aol.com/risberg/blades/ Eternity approaches. Posts: 56 | Registered: Friday, October 5 2001 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 65
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written Tuesday, April 22 2003 20:20
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31:Treasure that is surround by traps and dangerous monsters will undoubtbly be taken by adventurers before the paint on the signs have time to dry. 32:Townspeople come in 8 variations. 33:All mages have red hair and wear a green robe. 34:A person that has beaten countless armies and mages can be killed by adventurers lead by a man/women called Jenneke. Same goes for evil demons lords and so on. 35:Any items put anywhere other than in special rooms... DISAPPEAR! 36: All unlocked doors even bashed down ones, mysteriously shut again when you leave town. -------------------- ...a sadist is only someone that is terribly nice to a masochist... Want to find out how nasty you really are? visit:www.thespark.com now! Also look at my site here This is also a good site Posts: 650 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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BoE Posse
Member # 2475
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written Wednesday, April 23 2003 15:27
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37. All guards look the same. 38. All soldiers look the same. -------------------- http://members.aol.com/risberg/blades/ Eternity approaches. Posts: 56 | Registered: Friday, October 5 2001 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 1823
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 01:34
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39. A wizard did it. -------------------- Riot Shields Voodoo Economics It's just business Cattle prods And the IMF I trust I can rely on your vote Posts: 530 | Registered: Sunday, September 1 2002 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 464
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 08:20
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40. 1 mile = 1 step 41. Grease does not work on doors. They will always squeak. 42. Your footsteps will always be heard; other people who are not in your group ("party") will be silent walkers. 43. You can save food and $$$ by travelling on horses. And all people look alike while sleeping or horseback riding. Which leads to #44. 44. Fashion is extremely limited. -------------------- You go girl! All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. - Ambrose Bierce If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Posts: 1158 | Registered: Monday, December 31 2001 08:00 |
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SCORPIUS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!!
Member # 314
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 08:50
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quote:Not only that, but all PCs become black humans while riding horses. A-HOO-HOO-HOO. -------------------- CLICK HERE IF YOU LOVE JESUS ADoS is like a magical punching bag that swings into your fist even when you're not trying to hit it. -Djur Posts: 554 | Registered: Sunday, November 25 2001 08:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 1207
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 09:17
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45. Houses consist of two rooms, one of which is always L-shaped and neither of which is a toilet (a bad thing when you're absolutely bursting!) 46. Everyone either has something useful to say or doesn't talk to you. 47. Upon dying, people leave small bloodstains and items of clothing or weaponry, but never a body. 48. Sticks and rocks found on the ground can kill the most heavily armoured warriors (even if they have to take a bit of punishment first) 49. If you hurt someone, a number will fly from their head, acommpanied by three circles of blood which are always in the same place, no matter where you hurt them. 50. Evil dungeons filled with undead spirits are found everywhere. 51. Trumpets will always annouce your entry into a town. 52. Maps can magically fill in blank spaces just because you've been there. 53. No matter how big or small you are, or whether you have a tail of any form or not, the same equipment fits everyone, i.e. helmets or body armour from giants fits puny little humans and pants made for humans (with no tail) fit lizard men easily (with a large tail). One size fits, quite literally, all! -------------------- ~ørangutan I want high-bit characters in my displayed name!!! :( :( :( (Or at least an exclamtion point!) Eat pie! BADGER! Posts: 316 | Registered: Saturday, May 25 2002 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 1359
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 10:15
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54. every living thing has "hit points." 55. there are always monsters in dark, scary, caves. 56. entering the said caves and killing the monsters almost always results in some sort of reward. -------------------- ~ §øСüm ©ÿªñ¡Ðë ~ Mission Ridge -- All Your Snow Are Belong to Us. Posts: 1277 | Registered: Monday, June 24 2002 07:00 |
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Apprentice
Member # 2851
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 10:48
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Lol! :D Wow, these are good points... -------------------- ~.~Sorena~.~ Posts: 5 | Registered: Sunday, April 6 2003 08:00 |
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Post Navel Trauma ^_^
Member # 67
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 11:02
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57. All life's problems can be solved by killing things. 58. Locked doors usually never have keys, but if they do then the door is completely invulnerable to being knocked down. The key is always on the outside. 59. Powerful wizards have large towers, 95% of which is a maze of traps and riddles which the wizard must navigate every day to get to the one small room that has some function. 60. Even though the dead can be brought to life, everyone acts as though they can't. [ Thursday, April 24, 2003 11:08: Message edited by: Khoth ] -------------------- Grammar wenches beware: This is the house that the malt that the rat that the cat that the dog that the cow that the maiden that the man that the priest that the cock that the farmer kept waked married kissed milked tossed worried killed ate lay in. My Website desperance.net - Leave your sanity at the door Posts: 1798 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Member # 919
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 15:42
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61. No matter how many times you hit something with a weapon, the weapon will never break or be weakened or dented. 62. Same thing for armor. 63. Boots can save your life. -------------------- And though the musicians would die, the music would live on in the imaginations of all who heard it. -The Last Pendragon TEH CONSPIRACY IZ ALL Les forum de la chance. In case of emergency, break glass. Posts: 3351 | Registered: Saturday, April 6 2002 08:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 1360
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 15:55
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64. Six people can fit in a boat the size of one person. Posts: 901 | Registered: Monday, June 24 2002 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 65
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written Thursday, April 24 2003 21:07
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65.When ever you visit the country capital there is always will be a mayor/royal whining to be saved from the ________ (fill in with favorite monster plague) -------------------- ...a sadist is only someone that is terribly nice to a masochist... Want to find out how nasty you really are? visit:www.thespark.com now! Also look at my site here This is also a good site Posts: 650 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |