Love Life Poll
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Infiltrator
Member # 4248
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 02:03
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After a lot of thinking, the only point I could give a positive answer to was kissing. Every other was answered with never or no. I'm currently a lone wolf, and that sucks, mainly because wolves are ment to be pack animals. -------------------- I have nothing more to do in this world, so I can go & pester the inhabitants of the next one with a pure concscience. Posts: 617 | Registered: Tuesday, April 13 2004 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6388
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 03:12
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1: First date at 17 2: First relationship at same time 3: First kiss at same time 4: Depending on what you mean by 'intimate', either two weeks later at 17 or a little under a year later at 18 5: Sam and I are as married as we're gonna be until gay marriage is legal; it's a moral issue for both of us. 6. Full disclosure, more or less: 1) Serious relationship with a girl who didn't care about me too much; I was infatuated on account of I thought nobody else could love me. (Don't do this.) Lasted three months, wound up semi-sexual (she was getting more than I was out of it, though) and broke up after getting stale. Got depressed, leading to 2) 'Serious' relationship with a sweet girl with whom I never really did much physically. While it lasted longer, was happier, and ended better than my first relationship, being unable to get past first base put paid to it for both of us. It happened on the rebound for me and was a first for her. 3) Weird entanglement with a girl somewhat younger than me who I had liked in high school. She turned out to have serious ego issues and I was just desperate to be loved. One awkward physical encounter and things fell apart. 4) Decided to abandon the idea of serious relationships; wound up in one of those things that only really happen in college where you wind up making out when you're sharing the same public lounge couch. She and I stopped seeing each other after I got together with Sam for the first time. 5) Sam, first time around. Lost virginity. Things were going too quickly for both of us and we were both very afraid, and we wound up breaking it off. We still saw each other occasionally, but didn't have a long-term relationship. 6) A fairly pretty girl took me sitting at a nearby table for some kind of flirtation. She turned out to be a tedious emo girl whose interests were mainly Disney, Kevin Smith, Star Trek, and pot. I didn't want a serious relationship (largely because of my feelings for Sam), and she did. We broke up, and almost immediately I ran into Sam and we started seeing each other again. (#6 freaked out on me about this - which baffled both me and Sam - and she's been weird about it in what little we hear from her ever since.) 7) Sam and I got back together last September after being willing to admit we actually love each other; she proposed to me a week after we made it official we were together again. We cohabitate, share expenses and income, and spend nearly all of our time within earshot of each other; we've both gone through an unbelievable amount of crap together (especially her - she's had to leave her insane, abusive mother and try to keep her life intact in spite of profound psychological, financial, and physical duress), but there's something about her that makes me happy no matter what else happens to be going on. I suppose if I had to treat this as instructive, as if any of you are gonna be like me in any of this: 1) Emotional intimacy is less worth it than physical intimacy. You can break off physical intimacy without getting too upset; on the other hand, where my relationships ended badly it was because I invested emotional effort into them. Good relationships take work, but it doesn't seem like work at all. Don't bother with monogamy until you've found someone who you're certain will make it work for you. Get to know them inside out before you commit to being with them; otherwise you're holding the both of you down on the condition that, by some insane coincidence, you just happen to be perfect for each other. 2) On that note, it's perfectly okay to have 'relationships' limited in some way. I'd say my two best 'failed' relationships were entirely within certain parameters - #2 and #4 and I still talk and get along just fine. I like #2 as a person an awful lot, and it was nice to be able to be as close to her as I was. #4 was passably pretty and interesting - and making out with her was a damn sight more interesting than dealing with morons at college. If I had tried to make what I had with #2 into a more physical relationship, I'd probably wind up feeling like an awful slimy rapist for the rest of my life; on the other hand, all #4 and I really had in common was a mutual interest in one another's mouths, and treating that like it's not worth anything is unfair. 3) To cap the last two up: the kind of relationship we're taught to view as ideal is absolute hell if it is anything but ideal! Sam and I are on top of each other almost 24 hours a day, we can't even escape each other in our sleep, we have next to no privacy and there's certain things each of us can't do because the other can't deal with them (mostly dietary). If we weren't content to sit on the other side of the room doing our own thing, weren't completely in love with each other, and weren't so secure in our relationship that invading one another's privacy didn't pose any kind of temptation - that'd be a living hell. Instead, it's been wonderful. Think about this and think about it hard before you decide to try and make what you have 'permanent' or even 'exclusive'. Any doubts you or your partner have are potentially ruinous flaws; better to have a good, happy relationship that cuts around the flaws than a doomed relationship that insists on forcing them. 4) You will be surprised how much macking you missed out on in high school, if you are at all like me. It is okay; high schoolers are awful kissers anyway. Question 7: I'm very happy - now. But it's taken years of learning to get that way. Posts: 794 | Registered: Tuesday, October 11 2005 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 04:04
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1) 17. 2) Never been in one. 3) 18. 4) 18. 5) Not married. 6) None. 7) No. (Yes, I've slept with somebody without dating them.) I don't think I'm terribly unhappy with my love life right now. I'd like to be in a relationship, because I'm one of those people who likes companionship, but I'm not gonna start wailing into my Coco Pops of a morning. Besides, I have awful taste, whether it's making mistakes in the past (mainly doing things with people who turned out to be just using me - long story short, I loved her, and thought she loved me) or falling for people with whom "it" could never work. So I'm in no rush. If I found the One tomorrow morning on the bus to work, great, but I don't mind waiting. [ Sunday, June 17, 2007 04:05: Message edited by: Nikki xx ] -------------------- You are sleeping, you do not want to believe... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
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Canned
Member # 8014
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 06:39
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quote:Nerdy is smart people who act uncool. Which is the reason why "nerds can't have dates". They can, however, have fruit. Unless they are allergic. Meaning a piece of irony call "he is allergic to dates". On the other hand, geeks are pathetic. It means that you act more nerdy than nerdy, but with average intelligence. Makes you seem stupid. All offence :P That is all. -------------------- I can transform into almost anything, though not sanity. I will kill whoever sings "the muffin man". The song is total bull. Posts: 1799 | Registered: Sunday, February 4 2007 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 73
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 07:16
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You'd be surprised how many teens want to marry their partners, Salmon. It's not a majority, of course, but to pretend that teens don't ever think they've found their life partner is a little foolish. As for my current relationship, we do have a very good relationship. Like Alec, we don't try to force each other into the stereotypically "ideal" relationship, although our relationship has a somewhat different dynamic than those Alec's been in. We've all heard that good communication is essential to a healthy relationship, be it emotional, physical, or both, and we communicate well with each other. We know we're not ready to live together, but we know we want to work up to that point eventually. There's an excellent sex education site I've found that's helpful in more fields than just sex that I really wish I could trumpet around everywhere, because I think it would do a lot of good for society if more people knew how to keep a relationship healthy and satisfying, rather than going by what they saw in the movies or heard from their friends or Health class teachers. I guess anyone who wants to know can email or IM me and I'll link you up. It's not pornographic or anything and it doesn't discuss specific technique, but it does have some useful anatomical diagrams. EDIT: Iffy, you know there's no law against dating another geek if that's who you get along with, right? You don't have to hang out with the preppy kids just because they think they're better than you. I hung out with a bunch of gamer geeks in high school, in addition to talking to friendly people from the other cliques occasionally. It's a lot easier and more satisfying than trying to be something you're not. EDIT 2: Taking girlfriend's reservations about what I reveal into account. [ Sunday, June 17, 2007 07:30: Message edited by: The Almighty Do-er of Stuff ] -------------------- My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database BoE Webring - Self explanatory Polaris - Free porn here Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too) They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance -------------------- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Canned
Member # 8014
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 07:38
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Well, I haven't seen any geeks. But there are a few "nerds" that don't really act that nerdy. Also, not all popular kids are idiots. -------------------- I can transform into almost anything, though not sanity. I will kill whoever sings "the muffin man". The song is total bull. Posts: 1799 | Registered: Sunday, February 4 2007 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 73
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 08:55
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I am aware. People rarely fit neatly into one category or another. -------------------- My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database BoE Webring - Self explanatory Polaris - Free porn here Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too) They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance -------------------- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6388
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 11:11
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One thing I've learned from being with Sam is that what you'd think makes for a good relationship and what actually does are two similar but extremely different things. We've got very similar values and personalities, but our interests are a hell of a lot different. I can't even think of a band we both like, her interest in history stops where mine begins, I'm in PSC and she's in English... the usual idea in finding people to go out with, which is to find someone who likes what you like, is a really poor idea. What really matters is that they believe what you believe - you're never gonna have a fight over anything moral, that's for sure. That was true for #2 and my relationship with her went a lot better than any other, and that's definitely true for me and Sam. The weird thing is that we've been engaged for almost a year, we've been living together continuously for half a year, and we've been going through every kind of personal hell you could imagine - and we've never actually had a fight. It's lovely. Posts: 794 | Registered: Tuesday, October 11 2005 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 73
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 11:37
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I agree, Alec. That's kind of how it is with my girlfriend and me, except not only do we share similar moral and religious values, but we share interests as well, which certainly doesn't hurt. It's nice to be able to go on a date somewhere both partners want to go or do things together once in a while. We're not exactly alike, of course, each of us having interests the other doesn't, but there's enough overlap and open-mindedness that we can still enjoy doing things together. We've never had a fight either, in the six months we've been together. There was one thing that we disagreed strongly about at some point, but I don't even remember what it was. At any rate, we kept our cool and talked about it and eventually came to a solution we were both comfortable with, and we feel it has made our relationship stronger. A lot of people tout the benefits of being able to compromise, but I think being able to have a rational debate is just as important. If you debate rationally, presenting your points and the reasons and evidence for them, perhaps one partner will change their view without either or both partners having to settle for something they don't like. In the event that debate cannot settle the problem, then compromise should be discussed, but it shouldn't be the first thing you do every time. Of course, it depends on the situation as well. [ Sunday, June 17, 2007 11:38: Message edited by: The Almighty Do-er of Stuff ] -------------------- My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database BoE Webring - Self explanatory Polaris - Free porn here Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too) They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance -------------------- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Skip to My Lou
Member # 40
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 14:48
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quote:Must definitely be some extreme sect. For the majority of Mormons it's the opposite, with most definitely not dating until they're 16. And I thought all girls had their wedding planned by the time they were 7 or something. :P -------------------- Take the Personality Test! Deep down, you wish you were a stick figure. Posts: 1629 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 1934
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 15:43
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From what I've seen, Mormons don't date till they're 16. You're probably thinking of the fundies that live in northern Arizona. But they are usually forced into these marriages by the elders. It's some pretty bad stuff. -------------------- You acquire an item: Radio Free Foil Posts: 1169 | Registered: Monday, September 23 2002 07:00 |
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Veteran*
Member # 5
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 16:01
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My love life is an absolute hell. I'm dating a beautiful girl. Great personality, intelligent, funny, sweet. She's incredible. Problem is, I'm one of two guys she is dating at the current moment. She has these mood swings about who she likes better at the moment and it is making me absolutely insane. One day she's hot for me, the next day... it's the other guy. It's confusing and I don't like it one bit. Haha. Posts: 455 | Registered: Tuesday, May 17 2005 07:00 |
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? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 19:42
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Absolutely ADoS. I am definitely not viewing the totality of how things are, and most certainly not how things are now. Remember that when I was in high school, Duran Duran was Hungry (like a wolf), MTV was cool, Rolling Stones were everywhere, and Boston was more than a feeling. I am, however, old enough to have had experiences that many of you haven't yet had. Not all of them fun, but all of them inescapable and eventually good learning experiences. No one is born knowing how to be in a good, loving, working relationship. You do it through practice. You make mistakes and learn from them, eventually making fewer and fewer. As a sidebar, perhaps illustrating how out of touch I am with reality, I recently learned that 25% of Americans consider themselves to be fundamentalists. I had no clue. -------------------- WWtNSD? Synergy - "I don't get it." Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 4153
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written Sunday, June 17 2007 21:20
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MM: That royally blows. My condolences. ADoS: Agreed... compromising is more often than not completely unhelpful. My only problem is that the honest debates that I end up in often end up feeling like fights later on. On the plus side, it really does more good to try and improve things than to just meet each other halfway. I feel like that's not very coherent, though... and that's probably because it's so late. Communication is absolutely key, though (as cliché as it sounds). I'm re-learning that as my girlfriend is out of town for two months this summer, and I have to adapt to only being able to talk to her over the phone (I hate phone conversations). It's one of those things that I just personally have to improve on (see not compromising, above). Also, it's a matter of re-establishing one of the things about our relationship that made it so great to begin with. We were able to talk to each other about pretty much anything, until it became apparent that the one thing we couldn't talk to each other about was us. What followed was a painful lack of openness for a while (probably more my fault than hers), until we both remembered how to talk to each other again. Point is, stuff happens. And I'd appreciate it if you'd link me to that site, ADoS... never too late to (re)learn a thing or two. -------------------- Thuryl: "Runescape: for people who are too stupid to save their games." Gamble with Gaea, and she eats your dice. Posts: 4130 | Registered: Friday, March 26 2004 08:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6388
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written Monday, June 18 2007 01:14
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There's essentially three groups of Mormons - the 'fundamentalists', the conservatives, and jack mormons. 'Fundamentalist' Mormons have the same relationship to LDS as 'fundamentalist' Christians do to Christianity: they have an intensely reactionary interpretation based on absurd leaps of logic and an extremely specific and illiterate reading of their source text. They're also extremely overrepresented among Mormons in popular culture, just like fundies are among the general Christian population; self-described fundamentalists aside, maybe 10-15% of a population that almost unanimously describes itself as at least religious actually believes in the absurd swiss-cheese logic behind super-evangelical Christianity - and yet when they apply the label 'literal reading of the Bible' to what they believe, nobody calls them on this. (For the record, their 'literal reading of the Bible' regards psalms, which are devotional poetry, as literally true - and yet denies that the Sermon on the Mount counts until Armageddon for some reason. Sounds literal to me!) But I'm digressing. The fundies are less than 10% of the LDS population, and certainly they're the evil 10%, but they're not the 10% that has the problems one might associate with too many Mormons running around. Polygamists typically secede from society in an extreme way, dressing as they apparently believe was 'traditional' in the mid-19th century and having a relationship with a large number of women that many would call abusive. Within polygamist communities, religious leadership is typically a type of dictatorial authority; the children that don't escape are more or less slaves, and the children that do usually wind up destitute and addicted to horrible drugs, considering all they have to escape to is rural Arizona (read: hell). After that you have about a quarter of the population, the conservative Mormons, the ones who claim to be obedient moral Mormons, which is a special way of claiming to be perfect. The conventional LDS morality is extremely clannish and stultifying - which is why so few people actually live up to it. The difference between the orthodox LDS and the 'jack Mormons' is that the latter group doesn't usually presume to push a code they can't keep themselves onto others. Draw a rough oval with its western border being Reno, its eastern border being Denver, its northern border being Boise, and its southern border being Phoenix, and you've got what amounts to greater Utah. Within that area, the Republican Party is usually the secular arm of the conservative-Mormon hierarchy, the conservative-Mormons are the most vocal, visible, and influential religious group even where Mormons are not a majority. These areas also look a lot more like each other, and like Utah, than they do like their own state - even parts of it fairly close to them. (Northern Nevada looks more like western Colorado socially than it does like Las Vegas.) The majority of the Mormon population is probably the jack-mormons; they neither obey the stultifying conservative Mormon social code nor pretend to in public. But 'Jack Mormon' is only really a badge of pride on the fringe of Mormon country - where the LDS church is viewed as a hostile interloper. Most Mormons outside of 'greater Utah' are basically jack Mormons; I'd say most Mormons within that area are too, it's just that in that part of the US acknowledging 'moral failure' is a bad plan. In the American west, people prefer a good-sounding lie to an embarassing truth, and will continue doing so even if everyone knows it's a lie; we call that bull****. The only difference between drinking fornicators pretending to be good Mormons at pro-life political meetings and George Bush pretending to be Texan in large crowds is what kind of bull**** pays off. ... In short, even though the only people you hear about among Mormons are the polygamist crazies, they're a tiny minority, just like the Chick-esque lunatics who think Rome is the Whore of Babylon. (They're not quite as influential among 'mainstream' Mormon discourse.) But the conservatives among the Mormon population are a dozen times worse. The polygamists do horrible things - but they do them to a small number of people. Thanks to conservative Mormons, millions of children are told that the Smithsonian uses the Book of Mormon for archaeological digs - where in reality, every single claim the BoM makes is facially ridiculous to any archaeologist worth his salt. Sure, the polygamists hurt kids too - but only a few thousand. The nutters who teach their children that fiat money is Rome's tool to introduce Judeo-Bolshevism are far less numerous than the nutters who teach their children to treat evolution and global warming as lies perpetrated in the name of a culture war that exists in their heads alone. Why did we make this about religion? I have no idea. Let's bring this full circle: don't vote for Mitt Romney or he'll marry all of your daughters - and if you listen to the Republican loonies, your sons, too! [ Monday, June 18, 2007 02:31: Message edited by: Najosz Thjsza Kjras ] Posts: 794 | Registered: Tuesday, October 11 2005 07:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 4638
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written Monday, June 18 2007 06:27
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quote:That's why we have the Geneforge. -------------------- You are asleep. Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. So it goes. Posts: 93 | Registered: Tuesday, June 29 2004 07:00 |
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By Committee
Member # 4233
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written Monday, June 18 2007 06:50
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quote:Well, that isn't creepy. :rolleyes: Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00 |
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Canned
Member # 8014
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written Monday, June 18 2007 07:13
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This topic is about people of the opposite sex. I wonder how many people go with the same sex. -------------------- I can transform into almost anything, though not sanity. I will kill whoever sings "the muffin man". The song is total bull. Posts: 1799 | Registered: Sunday, February 4 2007 08:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 8872
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written Monday, June 18 2007 07:27
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The lies about Mormons here are HIGHLY offensive to me. [ Monday, June 18, 2007 07:28: Message edited by: Fractal ] -------------------- "The mouth is like the city gate. Opening it lets the soldiers of stupidity into the world." --Shaper wisdom from G2 Porcrastinators Unite...Tomorrow! The Mystic: "Vista is a rather funky and finicky OS to begin with." Posts: 197 | Registered: Saturday, June 2 2007 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 6700
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written Monday, June 18 2007 08:42
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First relationship at 15 First serious realtionship (realized) at 16 First kiss at 15 First time as something farther than a kiss... 17 Not married yet. We're waiting until both of us have our Bachelors' degrees. Only been in one relationship. And, yes, I'm quite happy with it. Point One. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. At any age. And seeing the modern style of dating, I would strongly recommend being single to anyone under age twenty... To think that you silly little teenagers think that you understand the nature of relationships... gah... To think that I thought I knew what I was getting into... gah... Speaking from experience (both mine and others), one of the best ways to find that someone... is to stop looking. Seriously. Desperation leads to bad choices, and people get burned. Instead, just let relationships happen on their own. If you click with someone, and you think that it can go places, explore it... but explore it wisely. Amanda and I started dating as a measure to explore our relationship; we were already friends (and by friends, I mean ex-worst enemies), and she was feeling the pressure to start dating. We decided at the forefront that we were going to take it slow, that we weren't going to do anything that we would regret, and that we would try to keep things at a level where either one of us could break it off without necessarily burning the other. And here we are, six years later; three years into a long-distance relationship, having run the gamut of problems that a couple not living together can experience. We'll be getting engaged soon (she doesn't know when yet :D ); she's gone crazy about planning our wedding (no Alex, not all girls have it planned by age 7.). The contributors in keeping a relationship stable? Open, constant, and direct communication, honesty, a devotion to the other person, and a devotion to the relationship, among others. If you can keep yourselves devoted to these, you can fight, argue, hate the other's interests, and still have a thriving and powerful relationship despite it all. And Iffy... who and what you are will do nothing to get you into a relationship; part of a good relationship involves accepting people despite who and what they are. This counts for friendships as well as romantic relationships. -------------------- The Silent Assassin believes that Philos is the best form of love to deal with... Becasue Philos causes me to forgive him after blowing up my office... -------------------- -Lenar Labs What's Your Destiny? Ushmushmeifa: Lenar's power is almighty and ineffable. All hail lord Noric, god of... well, something important, I'm sure. Posts: 735 | Registered: Monday, January 16 2006 08:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 3040
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written Monday, June 18 2007 08:49
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Well, Alec has indeed stated that he intends to offend as many people as possible before he is banned. His long post about Mormons — source please? — seems to be a testing of the waters. If he gets away with it, don't worry: he'll probably forget about Mormons and move on to insulting someone else. -------------------- 5.0.1.0.0.0.0.1.0... Posts: 508 | Registered: Thursday, May 29 2003 07:00 |
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Councilor
Member # 6600
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written Monday, June 18 2007 08:54
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Originally by IFM: quote:No it's not. It asks nothing about who you've had relationships with, just whether you've had them. Dikiyoba. Posts: 4346 | Registered: Friday, December 23 2005 08:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 4248
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written Monday, June 18 2007 08:54
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quote:Heh... I've never had problems accepting people despite who/what/where they are, but so far few people have accepted me... BTW, I still hope your Following LoD, Lenar. -------------------- I have nothing more to do in this world, so I can go & pester the inhabitants of the next one with a pure concscience. Posts: 617 | Registered: Tuesday, April 13 2004 07:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 8872
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written Monday, June 18 2007 09:06
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Thank you for comforting me wz As. [ Monday, June 18, 2007 09:08: Message edited by: Fractal ] -------------------- "The mouth is like the city gate. Opening it lets the soldiers of stupidity into the world." --Shaper wisdom from G2 Porcrastinators Unite...Tomorrow! The Mystic: "Vista is a rather funky and finicky OS to begin with." Posts: 197 | Registered: Saturday, June 2 2007 07:00 |
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By Committee
Member # 4233
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written Monday, June 18 2007 09:44
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quote:They seem to be observations to me. How are Alec's observations wrong? Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00 |