[Insert Dumb Joke Here]
Pages
| Author | Topic: [Insert Dumb Joke Here] |
|---|---|
|
Dollop of Whipped Cream
Member # 391
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 09:49
Profile
Homepage
What do you call a blind elk? No-eye deer. What do you call a blind elk with no legs? Still no-eye deer. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with only two legs? lean beef. -------------------- "Tyranicus is about the only one that still posts in the Nethergate Forum." —Randomizer Spiderweb Chat Room Shadow Vale - My site, home of the Spiderweb Chat Database, BoA Scenario Database, & the A1 Quest List, among other things. Posts: 562 | Registered: Friday, December 14 2001 08:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 3442
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 09:59
Profile
Homepage
I was really hoping that somebody else would've posted this by now, but they haven't. The Spiderweb Software Message Boards. I am a terrible, terrible man. -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty, so blame him if it's filthy... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 6292
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 10:40
Profile
What's grosser than ten dead babies in a garbage can? One dead baby in ten garbage cans. -S- -------------------- A4 Item Locations A4 Singleton G4 Items List G4 Forging List The Insidious Infiltrator Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00 |
|
Guardian
Member # 6670
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 11:01
Profile
Homepage
By Syn: quote:? -------------------- Two Germans, two Belgians, and two Dutch are stranded on a desert island. The two Germans start a brewery, the two Belgians start a chocolate factory, and the two Dutch start two churches. Posts: 1509 | Registered: Tuesday, January 10 2006 08:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 7420
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 11:40
Profile
Homepage
Keeping with the theme: What's the difference between a baby and an apple? The apple doesn't scream when I take a bite out of it. -------------------- You lose. Posts: 2156 | Registered: Thursday, August 24 2006 07:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 335
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 12:39
Profile
Homepage
These are kitten-friendly boards. Let's keep the horrific jokes to a minimum, please. —Alorael, who has no more humor to contribute. He's hit his quota for today a little earlier than expected. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 6292
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 13:10
Profile
quote:Said the skribbane-addled sniper. -S- -------------------- A4 Item Locations A4 Singleton G4 Items List G4 Forging List The Insidious Infiltrator Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00 |
|
Dollop of Whipped Cream
Member # 391
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 13:17
Profile
Homepage
I protest! These boards are not at all kitten-friendly. i seem to remember a discussion about eating kittens a while beck, and all those people who compare TM and Kel... :P -------------------- "Tyranicus is about the only one that still posts in the Nethergate Forum." —Randomizer Spiderweb Chat Room Shadow Vale - My site, home of the Spiderweb Chat Database, BoA Scenario Database, & the A1 Quest List, among other things. Posts: 562 | Registered: Friday, December 14 2001 08:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 6292
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 13:42
Profile
THIS JOKE SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION: An old miserly millionaire was just about to die. He called his doctor, his lawyer, and his preacher to come to his deathbed. "You know I'm going to die," he told them when they were alone. "You three are the only people I trust in this world." He turned to the preacher and said, "Preach, you said I couldn't take my money with me. Well, I'm gonna try. I'm going to give each one of you a million dollars in an envelope, and just before they lower my casket into the grave, I want you to throw the envelopes in with me. Now swear with me that you will do this." They all swore that they would. The next week the man died, and shortly after, the funeral was held. Sure enough, the doctor, the lawyer, and the preacher were there, and they each threw an envelope into the casket after the old man. That afternoon, the three were having lunch together. The preacher said, "I have something to confess. Our church needed some money, so I took out ten thousand dollars and paid off our church debt." The doctor nodded and said, "Yeah, I have something to confess too. I had a fantastic opportunity I couldn't pass up, so I took out 500,000 dollars to buy a place down in the Fiji Islands." The lawyer shook his head disapprovingly and said,"I'm ashamed of both of you! I threw in a check for the full amount!" -S- -------------------- A4 Item Locations A4 Singleton G4 Items List G4 Forging List The Insidious Infiltrator Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00 |
|
Off With Their Heads
Member # 4045
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 15:55
Profile
Homepage
quote:I suppose I shall leave out the punchline to the joke, "What's the difference between a dead baby and a brick?", then. -------------------- Arancaytar: Every time you ask people to compare TM and Kel, you endanger the poor, fluffy kittens. Smoo: Get ready to face the walls! Ephesos: In conclusion, yarr. Kelandon's Pink and Pretty Page!!: the authorized location for all things by me The Archive of all released BoE scenarios ever Posts: 7968 | Registered: Saturday, February 28 2004 08:00 |
|
Shock Trooper
Member # 3174
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 18:25
Profile
Homepage
Please don'y Kel...Dead baby jokes make me feel physically ill -------------------- Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle, melloneamin. --------------------- Finder of impossible beta testing errors. Posts: 364 | Registered: Saturday, July 5 2003 07:00 |
|
Infiltrator
Member # 5410
|
written Saturday, February 10 2007 20:11
Profile
a doctor a lawyer and a dentist are out driving across the desert when their car breaks down and don't it beat all but they have no water. Things are looking pretty bleak when they hear a car come, so they try to thumb a ride but the driver ignores the. "The next car that comes along, I will lay down on the road and it will be forced to stop" says the doctor. Soon, they hear a car come and sure enough, the doctor lays down. Bump Bump "Perhaps because he was skinny, the driver didn't see him. I will lay on top of his body and surely a car will stop" says the dentist. Bump Bump The laywer doesn't want to make the same mistake but the next three cars all ignore him and by this time the sun is raosting him. With not much time left and nothing to lose the lawyer lays on top his two compatriots. Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump -------------------- "Dikiyoba ... is demon ... drives people mad and ... do all sorts of strange things." "You Spiderwebbians are mad, mad, mad as March hares." Posts: 687 | Registered: Wednesday, January 19 2005 08:00 |
|
Lifecrafter
Member # 4682
|
written Sunday, February 11 2007 12:52
Profile
There is a class to teach the Scottish to speak with a more "Americanized" accent. The teacher is also Scottish. He has this conversation with one of his students. "Say bot-tle." "Bo'le." "No. Bot-tle." "Bo'le." "Bot-tle." "Bot-tle." "Very good. That's much be'er." -------------------- Do not underestimate the power of the mechanical pencil. Join the Dark side. We have cookies. Played in: Fiddler on the Roof Bye Bye Birdie "Hey, Patrick, feel this random pipe. It's squishy"-Nils Posts: 834 | Registered: Thursday, July 8 2004 07:00 |
|
Guardian
Member # 6670
|
written Sunday, February 11 2007 14:26
Profile
Homepage
Poor lawyers... always the butt of a joke. I'm going to attempt to feel empathy for them. -------------------- A Dutchman is stranded on an island for ten years before he is eventually rescued. When his rescuers arrive on the island, they discover three structures he erected while he was stranded. The rescuers ask about the buildings. "Oh, this is my house," the Dutchman replies. "It's a nice house, built it myself. That over there is my church. I'm very happy with it." "What about that building over there?" one of the rescuers ask. "Oh, that," the Dutchman says. "That's the church I used to go to." Posts: 1509 | Registered: Tuesday, January 10 2006 08:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 4574
|
written Sunday, February 11 2007 15:14
Profile
[Edit: Excised.] [ Sunday, February 11, 2007 15:41: Message edited by: Jeff Vogel is an unsellable trowel. ] -------------------- All praise the greatest mod of all time! Long live Master Aran! Posts: 1186 | Registered: Friday, June 18 2004 07:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 335
|
written Sunday, February 11 2007 15:43
Profile
Homepage
When you're told not to post something you should refrain from posting it. Adding warnings doesn't change that. —Alorael, who gives you the latter day equivalent of a black mark cabbage. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 00:20
Profile
Homepage
quote:A joke about denomination? I thought the Irish were always at the butt-end of those... -- Also, once again my bulletin board training strikes. I am used to ignoring paragraphs beneath a dotted line, and nearly missed that part of your post. -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 7472
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 10:27
Profile
Homepage
Brace yourselves for a super-powered dose of pathetic... Why is a banana more popular than any other fruit? Because it has appeal. -------------------- I tried to think of something witty to put here. Needless to say, I failed. Posts: 2686 | Registered: Friday, September 8 2006 07:00 |
|
Guardian
Member # 6670
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 11:39
Profile
Homepage
By Aran: quote:Nah. Protestant churches in the Netherlands have the tendency to split over any difference in doctrine, be it Presumptive Regeneration or the ratio of psalms to hymns sung in a worship service. EDIT: quote: quote:Guess it's a choice between missing the jokes, or going back to being a n00b, Aran. :P -------------------- How many Reformed Dutchmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Change? We don't change... [ Monday, February 12, 2007 11:42: Message edited by: Dintiradan ] Posts: 1509 | Registered: Tuesday, January 10 2006 08:00 |
|
Warrior
Member # 7638
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 12:26
Profile
A man and a nun go golfing. The man swings his put and hits into a sand trap. Then he says "Damn! I missed!" The nun says "Don't you say that awful word!" The man swings again and misses. "Damn! I missed!" "If you say that word one more time, God will smite you down." He swings again and misses. "Damn!" Then a HUGE bolt of lighting comes from the heavens and strikes the nun, leaving ashes. A huge voice sky booms "Damn! I missed!" -------------------- "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981 "But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. Posts: 152 | Registered: Monday, November 6 2006 08:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 335
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 12:35
Profile
Homepage
A woman calls her rabbi and explains her problem: "Rabbi, I've raised my son to be a good Jewish boy. He's been bar mitzvahed, he's gone to Hebrew classes, I've given him everything for him to be in touch with his religion and his culture. But now he wants to convert to Christianity!" "Well," says the rabbi, "that's funny. I also have a son, as I'm sure you know. I raised him to be a good Jewish boy, but a few years ago he told me he wanted to become a Christian too.'" [Edit: Yes, the triple quotes are necessary.] "What did you do, Rabbi?" "I did what I always do in times of trouble. I prayed for God's guidance. And you know what? He answered me!" "Really? What did He say?" "He said, 'Funny you should mention that. I have a son..." —Alorael, who brings you this joke on behalf of Jewish mothers everywhere. Have you called yours today? [ Monday, February 12, 2007 19:25: Message edited by: A Feeling of Falling ] Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
|
Shock Trooper
Member # 5545
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 14:04
Profile
Homepage
quote:Personally, I found that sig quite unfair. Obviously, there's a logical fallicy there (as in, the person reading it could be the part not covered by "most"), but no one is willing to mention it, for fear of being called a n00b for reading it. At least, now that its been transferred here, the mocking must be kept in moderation. -------------------- Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est. Posts: 344 | Registered: Friday, February 25 2005 08:00 |
|
Shaper
Member # 6292
|
written Monday, February 12 2007 17:34
Profile
I must say that Alorael's last joke was sublime. I bent my brain a bit before I got Alo's first joke. Both appreciable by your typical post-Christian psychotherapist. -S- Nietzsche: "God is dead." God: "Nietzsche is dead." -------------------- A4 Item Locations A4 Singleton G4 Items List G4 Forging List The Insidious Infiltrator Posts: 2009 | Registered: Monday, September 12 2005 07:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
|
written Tuesday, February 13 2007 00:29
Profile
Homepage
quote:Yes, it's intended as a parody on signature jokes as well as a kind of "emperor's new clothes" reference (you can't react without becoming the target). And on top of it all, it is *itself* a signature joke. Oh, the delightful meta-meta-signature! :P That said, I do hope it was recognized as a joke... -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 4574
|
written Tuesday, February 13 2007 13:10
Profile
There was a problem in the convent*... Someone left the toilet seat up. *Place where only nuns are allowed -------------------- All praise the greatest mod of all time! Long live Master Aran! Posts: 1186 | Registered: Friday, June 18 2004 07:00 |