for those of you with humor
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| Author | Topic: for those of you with humor |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:33
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I'm looking for a new voicemail message. And I'm wondering exactly what to do with it beyond the normal and rather drab "hello, this is Cale, how may I help you" etc etc. Anyone have any idea? or have you heard any good ones in your many years of life? I'd be rather thankful:P Some I"ve seen that I rather like:D "Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." "Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!" "Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions." "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets." "MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Hello, it's obvious you have bad timing, because nobody is home. Please leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message in a voice similar to mine, and your call will be returned as soon as humanly possible." "Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system." "(combine the one on top of this one or some'n)Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional." "This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call." "I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing." [ Thursday, April 06, 2006 06:44: Message edited by: mung ] -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:40
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"Hello, this is Nikki. I can't come to phone right now, since I'm out saving the universe with my own home-brewed brand of superhero action. If you want to leave a message, you can do so after the tone, okay Mum? The rest of you, hang up NOW." I had that one for all of three days, until my Mum 'phoned me and made me delete it, for some reason. Now I got: "Hey, I can't answer the 'phone right now, because I'm a little tied up. If you wanted to do me a favour, tell these Irish Cowboys to let me go! Or leave a message. Your call." This one was inspired by a SpidWeb chat (Alex in particular) and has so many puns it makes me cry. -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty, so blame him if it's filthy... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:46
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oh wow:) heh, We DO have interesting people here:) thanks for the quick reply though:) I have no idea what I'm looking for really, just gotta find something that fits me...and superhero's dosnt' seem to be it. As for a cowboy...ermmm...that would raise questions in areas that are better left well alone. cough. -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 335
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:47
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"Oh my God! It's got me leg! Oh my God! Please, in the name of all that's holy, don't let it co—" *beep* —Alorael, who is less than enamored of those who feel that having others record their messages is helpful. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:52
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Oh god I know what you mean. I have a friend who's got his Girlfriend for his message and it confuses the hell out of me every time. And I rather like that one:) -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:55
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quote:I approve of the colloquial use of "me" instead of "my". All I need now is your 'phone number to see if you actually do have this message Alorael... -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty, so blame him if it's filthy... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:57
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It gets worse. My father has a voice recording that sounds so authentic I can hardly tell the difference - and there is a brief pause after the greeting. quote:I still fall for it on occasion. :rolleyes: On that note, if you are not limited in length, try recording a message that consists mainly of silence broken by occasional "Oh really?", "Wow, you don't say!", "That's awful!", and see how long it takes until the caller catches on. ^_^ [ Thursday, April 06, 2006 06:59: Message edited by: Kuranes- ] -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 06:58
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Wait...he's an Ausie? :P or...a pirate? And I bloody ran into one like that before! Argh! for some reason though my phone'll take out any space in a message long enough for someone to belive that. it sucks. I have no idea why either:) [ Thursday, April 06, 2006 07:01: Message edited by: mung ] -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:02
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"You have reached the answering machine for the phone number given out to people that don't deserve the time of day. If you wish to cause the dogs to start barking, please speak clearly and slowly into the microphone. Also realize that your number has been traced, and I will be charging your company direct costs for having to receive and listen to this phone call. Everyone else can just call the other number you've been given." That said, humor is highly over-rated compared to other methods of human intercourse. Edit - A I M (spaces removed courtesy of UBB) [ Thursday, April 06, 2006 07:03: Message edited by: Jumpin' Salmon ] -------------------- quote: Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:06
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Ha! that's the type of thing I'm looking for! I need more like that and I'll combine them into a huge rageing message or outstanding quality and brimming with rudeness...yes! who else has one like that? -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Warrior
Member # 6759
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:08
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I once rang a person who had the most annoying and LAME voicemail message EVER. It was something like: "Hello...Hello? Heeeellooooo?! Well say something for god's sake I can't hear you?! HELLO?!?!?111... KIDDING!!!Well I'm not here right now so leave a message after the beep!" ARGHH!!!!! :mad: Posts: 77 | Registered: Wednesday, February 1 2006 08:00 |
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Shock Trooper
Member # 258
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:11
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yeah:) that's what I'm trying for. Something SOOO annoying and rude that they just HAVE to call back to hear it once more:) -------------------- ...well I thought it was funney...? didn't you? Posts: 296 | Registered: Wednesday, November 7 2001 08:00 |
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Agent
Member # 618
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:21
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One of my mates has the most annoying voicemail ever. It's this realllllly crap song, the full length of. It goes on for about five minutes. I don't think he's ever had someone actually leave him a message. I think the last time I updated mine was about four or five years ago. >.> Posts: 1487 | Registered: Sunday, February 10 2002 08:00 |
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Guardian
Member # 6670
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:22
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I'd advise you to find a sound clip that's similar to the sound of your voicemail beep. Then, when you finish recording your message, put the phone next to the speaker and play the sound. Wait for about ten seconds, then finish off the message with a "Ha ha! Fooled you! Here's the REAL tone... or is it?" Repeat as necessary. It's also useful if you're at home and bored. When the phone rings, pick it up, say a standard voicemail message, and then play the tone. Halfway through the schmuck's message, interrupt him/her. -------------------- Hello, this is Dintiradan. My answering machine is unavailable to take your call, so leave your name, number, and message with me, and I'll record it as soon as possible. Posts: 1509 | Registered: Tuesday, January 10 2006 08:00 |
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Agent
Member # 4506
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:49
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Here's one: "Hello. Why're you ringing me? Who are you? If you're Helena, drop dead. If you're someone else, consider droping dead. Don't bother leaving a message after the tone, as I probably won't bother listening to it. Hello. Why're you ringing me? Who are you? If you're Helena, drop dead. If you're someone else, consider droping dead. Don't bother leaving a message after the tone, as I probably won't bother listening to it. Hello. Why're you ringing me? Who are you? If you're Helena, drop dead. If you're someone else, consider droping dead. Don't bother leaving a message after the tone, as I probably won't bother listening to it. BEEP" Just change "Helena" to someone you REALLY hate. I can guarantee that not many people will leave a message, especially if you increase the number of repeats. - Archmagus Micael -------------------- "You dare Trifle with Avernum?" ~ Erika the Archmage -------------------- My Scenarios: Undead Valley : A small Undead problem, what could possibly go wrong? -------------------- Richard Black - PROOF of his existance (the Infernal one's website). -------------------- MY FORUM! Randomosity at it's highest! :) Posts: 1370 | Registered: Thursday, June 10 2004 07:00 |
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Too Sexy for my Title
Member # 5654
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 07:57
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quote:I know several people who have that same voice mail, which is why I tend to hang up after the third ring. And as per the long song thing, I just hang up, I never leave voice mails. Especially if I have to bear the annoying songs I think the stupidest one I’ve had was back when I was 13, it was something like "I'm not here right now, so leave your F***ing name and number, and I'll call you back whenever the F*** I want" or something. I did record a voicemail with my first bf once, but we took it off when we broke up. It was kind of sweet, but childish. Right now I have *Goes check* "Hello I can't come to the phone right now, so leave your name and number and I'll call you back". *Obsesses about how much she hates her voicemail* *Spends hours changing it* *Tries it in Spanish* *hates it* *obsesses over it* Gahh, now I’ll be doing this all day Posts: 1035 | Registered: Friday, April 1 2005 08:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 3441
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:05
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Listen punk, I dont know where the f*** you got this number, but you better hang up right now. I'm serious f***head, If you ever call me again I'll <insert appropriate graphically violent act violate CoC>. DO NOT F*** WITH ME! <sound of phone hanging up> -------------------- "As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it." --Albert Einstein -------------------- Posts: 536 | Registered: Sunday, September 7 2003 07:00 |
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Councilor
Member # 6600
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:05
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Dikiyoba refuses to be contacted by phone, so Dikiyoba doesn't currently have an answering machine message. However, should Dikiyoba ever change Dikiyoba's mind, it will either feature Dikiyoba talking in third person or Dikiyoba's rabid chipmunk/dolphin call. (Apparently, one call mimics two different animals.) Posts: 4346 | Registered: Friday, December 23 2005 08:00 |
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Agent
Member # 5814
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:39
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"Hi, this is John's voicemail. If I haven't answered by now, it's probably because I resent you and the causes you stand for." -------------------- quote: Posts: 1115 | Registered: Sunday, May 15 2005 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:45
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quote:Marlenny, I diagnose you with phone addiction. :P So. Anyone up to taking the Spiderweb chats one step further and scheduling a Skype conference? I'm varnink yu, mie akzennt iss terrible. -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:48
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I bet your accent is fine Aran. A fine, sexy, German twang... I would go for such a gimmck, *IF* I possessed a microphone... Alas, I don't. [ Thursday, April 06, 2006 09:17: Message edited by: Untitled 1 xx ] -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty, so blame him if it's filthy... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 08:50
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"Sext"? How did you come up with that? Oh right. Qwerty keyboard. :P -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Too Sexy for my Title
Member # 5654
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 09:07
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In my defense, I'm not as phone obsessed as I was before. However, I doubt I'll ever like my voice recording. Anyhow, after finally finding my mic, I'm up for the conference call. It should be fun hearing everyone's accents. Posts: 1035 | Registered: Friday, April 1 2005 08:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 3442
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 09:18
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quote:I'm quite sure I don't know what you mean. :P And do you actually have a blonde moustache? Gotta love stereotypes... -------------------- And when you want to Live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you need to know? *Name by Slarty, so blame him if it's filthy... Posts: 2864 | Registered: Monday, September 8 2003 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Thursday, April 6 2006 09:25
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Unfortunately, I do not have a mustache by any reasonable definition of the word. I am growing one however. Since I am blond, so will the beard. :P And much as I hate to disappoint people, today appears to be the bimonthly cleaning day in our floor. I won't be available for phone sessions, unfortunately. -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |