I have an intriguing question for my fellow Spidweb users

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AuthorTopic: I have an intriguing question for my fellow Spidweb users
Infiltrator
Member # 2940
Profile Homepage #25
I cannot say I am not surprised to see there are quite a few gays here. Not that I have anything against them or anything. Here in Chile it is still something of a tabu, only in the last years there has been something of an opening in that matter. I am straight but I have a classmate in college thats gay and everyone seems to be ok with him. Only a few ocasional jokes at his expence, but then again those sort of jokes are common to everyone, regardless of their sexual preferences. IMAGE(Spiderweb Software Boards I have an intriguing question for my fellow Spidweb users (2)_files/biggrin.gif)

I am just curious, for those of you gays who have openly comunicated your sexual preferences, what was the reaction of your family, friends, etc..?

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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying."
Posts: 469 | Registered: Thursday, May 1 2003 07:00
Shaper
Member # 496
Profile #26
I'm not so sure. In a society that is obsessed with sexual identity, there's an insistence you're 'one or the other', that you 'make your mind up'. This is as dismissive of bisexuality as a discrete identity category as the psychiatrists that used to dismiss homosexuality as some sort of abberrant expression of heterosexuality, a 'developmental problem' even.

And you should be nice to Zephyr, even if he's so strident about not being gay. So what if you aren't, Zephyr - we're not going to stone you or anything! No, he too is disclosing something personal, his bipolar condition, even though there is probably as much prejudice against people with mental health problems as against those of minority sexual orientation - and considerably less legal protection. He should be praised for 'coming out' in this way, and I guess we should make allowances for some of his whackier posts.
Posts: 2333 | Registered: Monday, January 7 2002 08:00
Babelicious
Member # 3149
Profile Homepage #27
I think X is completely right.

By the way, to be at least a little on topic, my current partner is a woman.

Also by the way, the term "sexual preference" is not only politically incorrect but literally incorrect. It's a term used by social conservatives to degrade homosexuality from a biological state to simply a lifestyle choice (and thus legitimizing its status as a sin). The insidious thing is that the "preference" meme has worked itself into the mainstream, nearly replacing the much more considerate term "sexual orientation."

[ Saturday, October 11, 2003 09:21: Message edited by: Galatea ]

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You are my precious thing
Thing of speed and beauty,
You are my precious thing
As long as you remain beneath me
-- Big Black
Posts: 999 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Agent
Member # 366
Profile #28
Everyone has something different, or "messed up" about them. So what?
I'm manic-depressive (on medication), I'm bi-sexual, with double figures worth of sleeping partners, I'm a recovering bulimic, I've had 4 miscarriages and I'm not even 20 yet!

Why are we making such a big deal about everything? **** happens everyday, and in the big scheme of things none of this really matters anyway. Can't we just get on with our lives without caring so much what other people think about things which are none of their business anyway?

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I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may.
Posts: 1277 | Registered: Sunday, December 9 2001 08:00
Infiltrator
Member # 737
Profile #29
quote:
Originally written by The_Nazgul:


I am just curious, for those of you gays who have openly comunicated your sexual preferences, what was the reaction of your family, friends, etc..?

I havn't told anyone at Real Life (TM) about my homosexuality yet. I think at least my mother would accept it, but my friends and other (older)relatives? Nah...

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Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone
Posts: 595 | Registered: Tuesday, March 12 2002 08:00
Babelicious
Member # 3149
Profile Homepage #30
I concur with Ruthie.

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You are my precious thing
Thing of speed and beauty,
You are my precious thing
As long as you remain beneath me
-- Big Black
Posts: 999 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Bob's Big Date
Member # 3151
Profile Homepage #31
quote:
Originally written by Boeing:

quote:
Originally written by The_Nazgul:


I am just curious, for those of you gays who have openly comunicated your sexual preferences, what was the reaction of your family, friends, etc..?

I havn't told anyone at Real Life (TM) about my homosexuality yet. I think at least my mother would accept it, but my friends and other (older)relatives? Nah...

I am not a psychologist, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

I'd say it wouldn't be entirely judicious to tell your grandparents and such. From what I know of my family, I tend to believe that most grandparents are happier not knowing that you're considering sex outside of marriage, much less something like homosexuality.

As far as your parents go, I'd say tell them. If they don't know, there's a huge wedge between you and them, and no one wants that.

[ Saturday, October 11, 2003 09:48: Message edited by: Ultimate Weapon Custer ]

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In a word, gay.
--Bob the Impaler

Posts: 2367 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 737
Profile #32
quote:
Originally written by Ultimate Weapon Custer:


I am not a psychologist, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

I'd say it wouldn't be entirely judicious to tell your grandparents and such. From what I know of my family, I tend to believe that most grandparents are happier not knowing that you're considering sex outside of marriage, much less something like homosexuality.

As far as your parents go, I'd say tell them. If they don't know, there's a huge wedge between you and them, and no one wants that.

I agree with you, and I will probably tell my parents about it as soon as I get the courage. That could happen tomorrow or in about five years. IMAGE(Spiderweb Software Boards I have an intriguing question for my fellow Spidweb users (2)_files/rolleyes.gif)

[ Saturday, October 11, 2003 09:55: Message edited by: Boeing ]

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Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone
Posts: 595 | Registered: Tuesday, March 12 2002 08:00
Infiltrator
Member # 2940
Profile Homepage #33
Im sorry if I offended anyone with the "sexual preference" term. I did not mean it that way, its just that I had not heard of the other more considerate terms such as "sexual orientation" before. After all, english is not even my first language.

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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying."
Posts: 469 | Registered: Thursday, May 1 2003 07:00
Apprentice
Member # 3334
Profile #34
whats heterosexual mean?
Posts: 11 | Registered: Monday, August 11 2003 07:00
Guardian
Member # 2339
Profile #35
The opposite of gay(At last time I checked.).

As in
"He likes the opposite gender."

And if you don't know what gender means...
JUST LOOK IT UP.

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Posts: 1779 | Registered: Monday, December 9 2002 08:00
Babelicious
Member # 3149
Profile Homepage #36
The_Nazgul: Sorry, I knew you didn't mean offense. Your unknowing use of the term makes my point -- it's insidiously seeping into the mainstream.

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You are my precious thing
Thing of speed and beauty,
You are my precious thing
As long as you remain beneath me
-- Big Black
Posts: 999 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 3320
Profile #37
I've had to correct lots of people for using the wrong term as well. It irritates me when people use the other word. But, it does prove your point.

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Mrs. Peacock: "Everything all right?"
Colonel Mustard: "Yep. Two Corpses. Everything's fine."

"Keep your wits about you, the game is afoot!!" - Sherlock Holmes
Posts: 935 | Registered: Friday, August 8 2003 07:00
Post Navel Trauma ^_^
Member # 67
Profile Homepage #38
I'm straight, but maybe it's just that I haven't met Mr Right. You never know, life can throw up some odd twists sometimes.

Something that just occurred to me: Murder, she Wrote has started two topics asking for personal information recently. I look forward to seeing "What is your credit card number?" IMAGE(Spiderweb Software Boards I have an intriguing question for my fellow Spidweb users (2)_files/tongue.gif)

[ Saturday, October 11, 2003 12:46: Message edited by: Khoth ]

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Grammar wenches beware:
This is the house that the malt that the rat that the cat that the dog that the cow that the maiden that the man that the priest that the cock that the farmer kept waked married kissed milked tossed worried killed ate lay in.

My Website
desperance.net - Leave your sanity at the door
Posts: 1798 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 3238
Profile #39
On a side note: Sorry, Zephyr about my post. I guess I did get a little agressive about that. Whoops, and sorry about that. =(

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"Friendship is two things: Trust, and sharing. I personally see it as a business opportunity."
-Random Quote
Posts: 203 | Registered: Friday, July 18 2003 07:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 1207
Profile #40
Khoth: I thought you was a guy, you posted a photo of yourself a while ago in that photo thread... in that case shouldn't you be looking for "Mrs." or "Ms." or "Miss" Right...?

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~ørangutan

I want high-bit characters in my displayed name!!! :( :( :( (Or at least an exclamtion point!)

Eat pie!
BADGER!
Posts: 316 | Registered: Saturday, May 25 2002 07:00
Post Navel Trauma ^_^
Member # 67
Profile Homepage #41
Yes, I'm a guy. And I did mean Mr Right. Read it again, or give up and ignore it.

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Grammar wenches beware:
This is the house that the malt that the rat that the cat that the dog that the cow that the maiden that the man that the priest that the cock that the farmer kept waked married kissed milked tossed worried killed ate lay in.

My Website
desperance.net - Leave your sanity at the door
Posts: 1798 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Warrior
Member # 734
Profile #42
I am bi-sexual. Perhaps it means different things to others but here is what it means in my life. I am very strongly attracted to both men and women. I spent over 1/2 of my life denying this to myself because the local lesbian community puts you down for not being brave enough to fully give into being lesbian. I am not a lesbian. Straight men expect you enjoy a threesome with them and to recruit the girl. They make it very difficult to date them because I have be on guard against noticing a woman while they are around. Most of the men I have dated start an unreal expectation that they are to be included sexually in any relationship I may have with a woman.

I was lucky enough to be in love with and date two very special people for a few years of my life. I had two semi-monogamous relationships at the same time. I only dated one woman and lived with her. After I made a commitment with him I only dated one man and he eventually shared our home. They became close friends and agreed to share me. I was faithful to both in that I loved them both equally and did not seek to date anyone of their respective sexes once I made a commitment to each of them. My girlfriend was kind enough to see my need to have a man in my life and support the fact that she would have to share me. It was the happiest time of my life and the only time I felt complete.

My current girlfriend has been married for 17 years. She has two wonderful children I love and is married to a great man who is a dear friend of mine. I thank the gods that he is secure enough in his marriage to allow his wife the freedom to express the needs she has that he by gender alone can not meet.

I was married for 6 years. There were other reasons for our divorce but if I could assign a percentage to it I would say my not accepting myself as bi was about 40-50 percent of the problem. I could never be truly happy. I always felt like a part of me was missing and that it was my husbands fault for not being enough. I also thought it was my fault for needing more. For me it is not a choice. If I could choose I would be straight. It is still the easiest choice.

Edit: spelling & clarification.

[ Sunday, October 12, 2003 00:54: Message edited by: devlish ]

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Instant Human-Just add liberal doses of Coffee.
Posts: 87 | Registered: Sunday, March 10 2002 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 3310
Profile #43
It's interesting that nobody have (yet) come up with an "I hate gays"-reply. We all seem to be very liberal in this matter.

Perhaps it's because we are RPG-fans. I mean, if you can accept a guy with fur or scales in your company, then a homosexual can't be that bad.

I meant no offense with what I just wrote and it should be considered yet another burst of my childish sense of humour in a totally wrong place. Please.

Oh, and I'm very much straight. But Khoth has got a point, alright. Who knows?
Posts: 756 | Registered: Monday, August 4 2003 07:00
Shaper
Member # 496
Profile #44
I know conservatives use 'sexual preference' to suggest gays can 'prefer otherwise'. That works both ways, which is why I use it. I don't think people's identities are as fixed and rigid as many would like, which should be a recipe for more tolerance, not less. Right back in the 1950s, when homosexuality was illegal here, many gays argued 'I'm just made that way - I can't help it' as if there was something wrong with their sexuality. Instead of accepting this, mainstream society treated them as insane and subjected them to psychosurgery and aversion therapy to 'cure' them. Saying one's sexuality is an 'orientation' does nothing to protect you from prejudice and even invites it, as it implies you wish you were straight but can't be through some accident of biology.

As said in my first post, I think the boundaries are too tightly drawn, something this biologising tendency only reinforces. Statistics show huge numbers of men have had same-sex experiences (typically mutual masturbation), but can only admit it anonymously or it will otherwise compromise their heterosexual sense of self. Strangely, this 'silent minority' is often the most bitterly homophobic, as if they should be ashamed of their private conduct rather than their hateful public rants. Similarly, because heterosexuality is the 'default' sexuality in this society, many gay-identified people's first sexual experiences are with those of the other gender. That they later find same-sex relationships more exciting, comfortable or whatever just means these first encounters were 'less pleasurable' rather than 'not pleasurable', 'simply horrid' or whatever, but few will admit this or occassionally later 'kicking over the traces' in case they get 'thrown out of the gay club'. IMHO, curiosity is only natural and human and should be encouraged rather than rigorously policed. And--shock horror!--some people chose partners for who they are, not just for what their bodies are.

Sorry this is such a long post. Just felt it needed to be said.
Posts: 2333 | Registered: Monday, January 7 2002 08:00
Babelicious
Member # 3149
Profile Homepage #45
Just because you use the word 'orientation' instead of 'preference' doesn't mean you're biologizing. I think that sexuality is partially biological and partially psychological. It's a behavioral trait.

But the word 'preference' has been commandeered by the extreme right as a subtle slur against homosexuals. Personally, I think that the gay community should stop concentrating on the "nature v. nurture" argument and just make the harder, but more solid argument that homosexuality is neither wrong nor an aberration.

For example, I know a raging conservative who likes to argue that even if homosexual urges are natural, the homosexual sins if she or he acts on them. This person claims that if homosexuals truly cannot change, they should at least abstain.

This seems to mean that pro-gay arguments based off a biological root are not effective. The only way to eradicate homophobia is to eradicate the belief that it is a sin. (Hint: this isn't going to happen anytime soon.)

Gays need to focus less on little perceived slights and nobody raging homophobes and more on social issues that actually affect homosexuals. There's no reason to take the fight to the religious turf until we win it on secular ground. There are still counties in my state, which is somewhat progressive, that have skeletal or no AIDS outreach programs because they refuse to accept that promiscuous gay sex exists. This is a few hundred miles from the city where needle exchange was born, the second gayest city in the country: Portland, Oregon. My beloved hometown. Where a transvestite is a well-loved local personality.

Anyway.

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You are my precious thing
Thing of speed and beauty,
You are my precious thing
As long as you remain beneath me
-- Big Black
Posts: 999 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
BANNED
Member # 4
Profile Homepage #46
I like to have sex with myself.

Does that make me auto-sexual?

@

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We're all amazed but not amused
By all the things that you said you'd do.
You're much concerned but not involved by
Decisions that are made by you
But we are sick and tired of hearing your song,
Telling us how you are going to change right from wrong,
'Cause if you really want to hear our views,
You haven't done nothin'.

Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #47
In your case, TM, I'd say that makes you aberrant and probably criminal.

—Alorael, who does not mean this as a slur against the autosexual community. He means this as a slur against TM.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Agent
Member # 366
Profile #48
I like to call myself trysexual.
I'll try anything.

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I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may.
Posts: 1277 | Registered: Sunday, December 9 2001 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 3320
Profile #49
If you ask me, sexuality is something determined from birth. It can't be changed with any type of therapy and I'm sorry, but those gays who joined prayer groups, say that they were cleansed in the soul in the name of the lord, and are now straight can suppress their natural feelings all they want and even go get married to a woman. But it won't change a thing. Those feelings will never leave them no matter what they do.

I happen to have had the fortune of being able to attend a gay church that is around 32 miles away in our capital city of Harrisburg a few times during past November, December, and January. I Have been unable to get their recently because I am unable to drive yet and I haven't got my car working yet either. But for the few times I was able to get there with the help of my half-cousin Wandie's help, who was crippled in a car accident in January, I have never been to a happier place in my life where I felt I was accepted and felt true Christian love. It was the most comfortable I had ever felt before that I could remember in my life since before coming out to my parents, though that wasn't a pleasant experience.

And in answer to the question of how my family reacted: I live in a very old family. I say that believe I was born rather late and most of the people in my family are rather old. My mom is a strong conservative Christian of 56 and took it very very hard. In fact, she is so conservative and bull-headed, as our family puts it as an expression, that she refuses to believe it is true, and she still continues to treat me as if I am straight. Which really irritates me.

My dad on the other hand is 63 and didn't seem to care very much. Thus, my parents reacted in a manner opposite of the average statistics on the subject. Usually the mother supports the gay child and the father is in severe denial.

I have two brothers who are both straight, with children and in their mid 30s. My dad was one of 13 children. His sister, my aunt Edith is 75 or 76 and has a 53 year-old son named Terry.

He is gay, though my mom has the audacity, or nerve, to explain it by saying he had a failed relationship with a woman once and he turned to the same sex for affection. Which isn't true at all. He was gay his whole life and lives with his partner, Damion. I take after my cousin very strongly having many of the same likes and dislikes that he does. Which I believe is a sort of proof that homosexuality has some genetic connections.

Any other questions? I'll be glad to answer anything except for any sort of sex questions, of which I will refuse to answer and I'm sure no one on this site wants to hear answers for.

Sorry for the long post. Just giving my perspective.

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Mrs. Peacock: "Everything all right?"
Colonel Mustard: "Yep. Two Corpses. Everything's fine."

"Keep your wits about you, the game is afoot!!" - Sherlock Holmes
Posts: 935 | Registered: Friday, August 8 2003 07:00

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