Seperated from a loved one.

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AuthorTopic: Seperated from a loved one.
Apprentice
Member # 9245
Profile #0
I have been cut off from my ex-girlfriend as it were. It wasn't our choice to seperate but we had no choice. We both still want to be friends but I don't know if that is ever going to happen. What would you suggest doing? :(
Posts: 11 | Registered: Saturday, July 7 2007 07:00
Agent
Member # 4574
Profile #1
What exactly do you mean by 'cut off'?

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Sitting in my chocolate palace, smoking a candy cigarette.
Posts: 1186 | Registered: Friday, June 18 2004 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 6700
Profile Homepage #2
It wouldn't hurt to go into a bit more detail. We won't lynch you for a session of "true confessions".
Why did you get cut off? What happened? Why was there no choice? Why are you doubtful that you can recover your relationship?
All of these are factors in how you would want to approach her.

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The Silent Assassin is working on building a transmitter using wire coat hangers.
I don't know why he left all of the coats on the front porch, though. He could have left them in the closet.

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-Lenar Labs
What's Your Destiny?

Ushmushmeifa: Lenar's power is almighty and ineffable.

All hail lord Noric, god of... well, something important, I'm sure.
Posts: 735 | Registered: Monday, January 16 2006 08:00
? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
Profile #3
Welcome to Spiderweb, ... ...

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WWtNSD?

Synergy - "I don't get it."
Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00
Infiltrator
Member # 3441
Profile Homepage #4
I would tell you you've come to the wrong place for relationship help, but this is probably a collection of some of the more intelligent and thoughtful, though insane, people on the web. What I don't understand is why you would think that this is the right place to go for these problems.

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"As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it." --Albert Einstein
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BoaEdit
Posts: 536 | Registered: Sunday, September 7 2003 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 4153
Profile Homepage #5
I sense a fear of long-distance relationships. If that's correct, I can't blame you. I'm horrible with them. But if it's worth maintaining, then they work.

But yeah, you're being kinda vague, which makes this kinda difficult.

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Thuryl: "Runescape: for people who are too stupid to save their games."

Gamble with Gaea, and she eats your dice.
Posts: 4130 | Registered: Friday, March 26 2004 08:00
Guardian
Member # 5360
Profile #6
Welcome to Spiderweb. Please leave your sanity at the door, and proceed to the implantation station. Bad Salmon, leaving that part off!

Nalyd is not qualified to answer your question.

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May the fires of Undeath burn in your soul, and consume it.
Posts: 1636 | Registered: Wednesday, January 5 2005 08:00
? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
Profile #7
Given the content of the OP's first post here, it seemed redundant and unnecessary to include that long absent greeting.

Plus, it only looks good when oldbies do it.

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WWtNSD?

Synergy - "I don't get it."
Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #8
quote:
Originally written by Nicholiah:

I have been cut off from my ex-girlfriend as it were. It wasn't our choice to seperate but we had no choice. We both still want to be friends but I don't know if that is ever going to happen. What would you suggest doing? :(
Just so you know, it's still considered good form here to spend your first 10 posts pretending to have come to discuss RPGs. :P

[ Saturday, July 07, 2007 14:42: Message edited by: jg.faust ]

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Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Warrior
Member # 6759
Profile Homepage #9
you had no choice? how could you not have a choice in the matter...unless it had to do with distance but then how could you expect to even maintain a friendly relationship?

then again women always say they still want to be friends after a break up but its selfish, probobly to make her feel less guilty about ending the relationship! its almost a cliche! sure you'll try and be friends but gradually you'll speak less and less and eventually...end
Posts: 77 | Registered: Wednesday, February 1 2006 08:00
Shaper
Member # 73
Profile #10
quote:
Originally written by KB:

unless it had to do with distance but then how could you expect to even maintain a friendly relationship?
Internet, telephone, etc. I maintain several friendly relationships with people in this community via the Internet.

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Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Shaper
Member # 5437
Profile #11
quote:
Originally written by KB:

then again women always say they still want to be friends after a break up but its selfish, probobly to make her feel less guilty about ending the relationship! its almost a cliche! sure you'll try and be friends but gradually you'll speak less and less and eventually...end
He didn't speculate who did the breaking up, and said that both wanted to keep up a friendship, so issues with women much?

"Cut off" sounds like to me at least that you don’t have phone or Internet communication? If you do it's worth at least trying to keep up a long distance relationship.

[ Sunday, July 08, 2007 07:57: Message edited by: Dolphin ]
Posts: 2032 | Registered: Wednesday, January 26 2005 08:00
Agent
Member # 4506
Profile Homepage #12
Hi,

Like others have said, what do you mean by "cut off"? Have one or both of you moved away, have your parents stopped you from seeing/contacting each-other?

A bit more information would really help, again, I know I'm quoting others, but we can't help until we know more about what's going on.

- Archmagus Micael

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"You dare Trifle with Avernum?" ~ Erika the Archmage
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Posts: 1370 | Registered: Thursday, June 10 2004 07:00
Warrior
Member # 6759
Profile Homepage #13
quote:
Originally written by Dolphin:

He didn't speculate who did the breaking up, and said that both wanted to keep up a friendship, so issues with women much?

i am a woman

thats just my experience

[ Sunday, July 08, 2007 14:29: Message edited by: KB ]
Posts: 77 | Registered: Wednesday, February 1 2006 08:00
By Committee
Member # 4233
Profile #14
quote:
Originally written by Nicholiah:

I have been cut off from my ex-girlfriend as it were. It wasn't our choice to seperate but we had no choice. We both still want to be friends but I don't know if that is ever going to happen. What would you suggest doing? :(
Get over it. There are lots of people out there to meet and form relationships with, especially since from the sound of it, you're pretty young.
Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00
Warrior
Member # 4638
Profile #15
Definately forget about her. The friends thing really doesn't work.

Someone brought up long distance relationships. There is really no point to long distance relationships, because ultimately they are not really relationships. Instead they are fantasy. A relationship requires two people together in the same place.

Move on and find someone new. You will be happy you did. I never have regretted a clean break from an ex when there was a good reason for it.

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You are asleep.
Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
So it goes.
Posts: 93 | Registered: Tuesday, June 29 2004 07:00
Off With Their Heads
Member # 4045
Profile Homepage #16
I'm not totally convinced that the original poster is still reading this thread. Advice at this point may fall on deaf ears.

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Posts: 7968 | Registered: Saturday, February 28 2004 08:00
By Committee
Member # 4233
Profile #17
True, but it does rehash the old "merits of the long distance relationship" topic, which has always been pretty interesting and not as inflamatory as other topics.

I, of course, have always been anti-long distance relationships.

[ Monday, July 09, 2007 09:53: Message edited by: Drew ]
Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #18
quote:
Originally written by Ceylon:

Definately forget about her. The friends thing really doesn't work.
This seems to be a common sentiment, but it's also pretty strange if you think about it. If your friends move away they may move down on your friends hierarchy, but it's not hard to keep in touch and stay friendly. You can drift away from friendships even without any distance issue, but it's rarely sudden. You just see less and less of each other until the only contact is the much-touted Christmas card.

Romantic relationships that end, on the other hand, tend to end dramatically and completely even if there's no physical separation. If you're no longer dating, you're no longer speaking. But I'd expect romance to require at least as much friendship as anything else!

I'm not sure if the problem is discomfort and inability to adjust to "just friendship," bitterness that comes with any ended relationship, or just some kind of unfortunate culturally accepted way to break up. I do several people who had "just friends" talks, though. Lo and behold, they're still "just" very good friends who get along fine and see each other regularly.

—Alorael, who supposes the remaining explanation is jealousy in future romantic partners. It's an ugly thing when you can't see friends because of your [youthful gender-specific noun]friend. Maybe cutting all contact is a way of dodging that.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 6700
Profile Homepage #19
quote:
Originally written by Ceylon:

Someone brought up long distance relationships. There is really no point to long distance relationships, because ultimately they are not really relationships. Instead they are fantasy. A relationship requires two people together in the same place.

Oh?
I would like to point out that I am the embodiment of the contradiction of that observation. I am currently going into year four of what appears to be a five-year long-distance relationship.
It's no fantasy. It's hell.
Granted, we do get to see each other once every two months or so, and normally during summers.
Of course, the only reasons why we're still involved is because we're devoted to each other, and we're devoted to seeing it through.
It still takes a lot of open communication. I'd like to thank AIM, e-mail, the United States Postal Service, and especially Free Nights and Weekends. There's nothing quite like waking up to your cell phone at two in the morning and answering it to hear your sobbing girlfriend on the other end...

My point? I'd rather be in a long-distance relationship with her than none at all.

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The Silent Assassin would like to thank peanut butter and jelly. There's nothing quite like it.

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-Lenar Labs
What's Your Destiny?

Ushmushmeifa: Lenar's power is almighty and ineffable.

All hail lord Noric, god of... well, something important, I'm sure.
Posts: 735 | Registered: Monday, January 16 2006 08:00
Warrior
Member # 1668
Profile #20
Originally written by Lenar:
quote:
My point? I'd rather be in a long-distance relationship with her than none at all.
Your description of your relationship is hard to reconcile with your conclusion...

[ Tuesday, July 10, 2007 08:57: Message edited by: wary wanderer ]

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"Mongo only pawn in game of life" -- Mongo
Posts: 75 | Registered: Monday, August 5 2002 07:00
Warrior
Member # 1668
Profile #21
double post, argh.

[ Tuesday, July 10, 2007 08:56: Message edited by: wary wanderer ]

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"Mongo only pawn in game of life" -- Mongo
Posts: 75 | Registered: Monday, August 5 2002 07:00
Warrior
Member # 4638
Profile #22
By fantasy, I did not mean that all parts of the relationship would be great. Instead, the relationship is typically not entirely real.

When you are together for short periods of time (a week, etc.) you don't act how you normally do. You probably give an extreme amount of attention to the other person to make up for the time apart. This is natural. However, I think it causes both individuals to perceive each other unrealistically, since you could not possibly carry on in such a fashion without sacrificing other areas of your lives.

Therefore, the perceived relationship is a fantasy, as in not real.

I think if you closely analyze how you act when you are with her or talking to her, you will realize that it is different from your normal life in ways that are ultimately irreconcilable.

Since it seems you are not enjoying the majority of the fantasy, I recommend ending it. Some people are just masochist, however.

[ Tuesday, July 10, 2007 09:35: Message edited by: Ceylon ]

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You are asleep.
Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
So it goes.
Posts: 93 | Registered: Tuesday, June 29 2004 07:00
By Committee
Member # 4233
Profile #23
One could argue that a long-term relationship is a fantasy until you've lived with a person, or married him/her. Believe me - there are substantive differences between these states. Ultimately, it probably just boils down to the amount of relationship one is comfortable with. For some, the constant physical presence might be necessary; for others, the telephone is great. Generally though, I think most people prefer physical closeness, largely for hormonal reasons.
Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 6700
Profile Homepage #24
I suppose I forgot to mention that she and I casually dated for two years before I went to college...
Or that we typically end up talking on the phone every night...
Or that the only reason why the relationship has survived is because we've both had to work at it.

Oh well... It's what I get for trying to make a coherent post in between attempts at trying to revive a dying satellite feed.

In the course of my writing this, actually, she has contacted me via AIM, and asked me to point out that not everyone needs physical closeness in order to build a relationship, and that some of our best times together are our late-night talks over the phone.
Her words, not mine.
But I agree. The best thing to keep a relationship going is not love, nor lust, nor physical closeness, but a devotion to keeping that relationship going. It takes constant open communication, sacrifice, and even going through hell to go through. But the results are more than worth it.
A long-distance relationship is hell. I hate not being with her, and she hates not being with me. But I know that she's okay, and I know that she is as devoted to waiting it out as I am. And that is why I will continue being in this realtionship, alone, but not alone. Thank you, free nights and weekends.

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The Silent Assassin believes that a raging inferno can also be hell.
The best way to survive, he says, is fireproof diving flippers and a good sprinkler system.

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-Lenar Labs
What's Your Destiny?

Ushmushmeifa: Lenar's power is almighty and ineffable.

All hail lord Noric, god of... well, something important, I'm sure.
Posts: 735 | Registered: Monday, January 16 2006 08:00

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