Spiderweb: The Motion Picture

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AuthorTopic: Spiderweb: The Motion Picture
Raven v. Writing Desk
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SEATTLE, Wash., April 9, 2007 — Notorious satirist Slartifer M. Tuckersworth today revealed his much-speculated upon current project to be Spiderweb: The Motion Picture, a fictionalized documentary chronicling the lives of some 60-odd members of an internet bulletin board.

"When I saw how these people lived, the passion and pathos with which they respond to totally mundane events, I knew I had to tell their story," Slarty said.

Originally planned as an adaptation of several scripts written by the mononymous Dikiyoba, Slarty soon scrapped the idea and began writing the film from the ground-up. "I didn't want to make a crummy live action version of great writing," he said. Although the two works share plot elements such as the Noob War and the Thing, they are not the central focus of Spiderweb. "I wanted to capture the little things -- the spam, the puns, the hissy fits thrown over chat logs. The human moments we can all relate to."

During its development, the film was prominently featured in several tabloids due to the fighting between Slarty and its casting director, known as Synergy. "Slarty would hand out roles without consulting me," Synergy said. "If I argued, he'd throw his desk at me. But that's what you put up with when you work with an artist."

Slarty's original script reportedly contained nearly a hundred roles, but that number was reduced to 62 due to budgetary constraints. Nonetheless, the film features an ensemble cast so extensive, and so experienced, that it makes Lord of the Rings look like Catwoman.

According to Slarty's production company, Facepalm Films, Spiderweb is scheduled for release after the Pygmalion project and before Rhapsody in Blue.

(The following JPGs are about 350k each.)
Spiderweb: The Motion Picture Cast List -- Page 1
Spiderweb: The Motion Picture Cast List -- Page 2
Spiderweb: The Motion Picture Cast List -- Page 3
Spiderweb: The Motion Picture Cast List -- Page 4

[ Monday, April 09, 2007 04:51: Message edited by: Slartematographer ]

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Slarty vs. DeskDesk vs. SlartyTimeline of ErmarianG4 Strategy Central
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His Mighty Tentacle
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:confused:

How strange...

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If I could make just one wish, I would want a tasty vlish.

Geneforge IV. Still no tasty vlish.
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...b10010b...
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I have to say, I'd always imagined that if I were ever to appear in a film my role would be played by Hugh Grant. The casting decision actually made rather baffles me.

Julie Andrews as Saunders was an inspired choice, though.

[ Monday, April 09, 2007 05:23: Message edited by: Thuryl ]

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The Empire Always Loses: This Time For Sure!
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Guardian
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Yay! Nalyd got David Spade!

IMAGE(http://www.comedycentral.com/press/images/aaa_series-logos_hi-res/showbizshow_logo.jpg)

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May the fires of Undeath burn in your soul, and consume it.
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Master
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Never heard of "carrot top," so I did a search:

Yep, the hair fits, and nice of you to make me a comedian. Does that mean that my jokes are considered funny from time to time in this place?

Anyway, very, very nice Slarty. Laughed my head off.

It's quite amazing that most of the members here I actually picture just as the actors you chose, like Aran, Nicothodes and some others.

[ Monday, April 09, 2007 05:34: Message edited by: Thralni ]

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Shaper
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quote:
Originally written by Thralni:

Yep, the hair fits, and nice of you to make me a comedian. Does that mean that my jokes are considered funny from time to time in this place?
Probably not, because nobody thinks Carrot Top is funny. He's just annoying. (I'm not saying you're annoying though. I didn't make the cast list.)

Am I on there anywhere? I can't be bothered to look myself.

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Agent
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I whole heartedly object! Obviously, I should play myself and Wil Wheaton should be cast as my husband. ;)

Seriously though, I am not as deluded as to believe he could pull it off. He's just not... motherly enough. And while I personally have often proclaimed Danny DeVito lovable, I highly doubt Wil could believably smother him with love. (That's deffinition 4a of 9 that the English language gives it in the Merriam-Webster dictionary online. I know some of you struggle with the concept. :P )

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His Mighty Tentacle
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How does one cast a floating brain munching squid anyway?

"You're a squid... Your motivation is world domination and brains. You're also delicious."

[ Monday, April 09, 2007 05:56: Message edited by: Delicious Vlish ]

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If I could make just one wish, I would want a tasty vlish.

Geneforge IV. Still no tasty vlish.
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Agent
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quote:
Originally written by The Almighty Do-er of Stuff:

Am I on there anywhere? I can't be bothered to look myself.
You are Don Adams.

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"Even the worst Terror from Hell can be transformed to a testimony from Heaven!" - Rev. David Wood 6\23\05

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can." - John Wesley
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Warrior
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Someone forgot to include Rosy. :(
Posts: 73 | Registered: Monday, June 26 2006 07:00
Cartographer
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Hmm, that's.. interesting.

I'm a little horrified at the thought of.. but.. I think I'll flee from this topic now. :\

Very inspired though, nice.

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So many strange ones around. Don't you think?
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Dikiyoba doesn't know enough about actors and actresses to truly understand the exact reasoning behind most of them, but it's hilarious. Good to see lots of newer faces, too.
Posts: 4346 | Registered: Friday, December 23 2005 08:00
Law Bringer
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quote:
Originally written by Dikiyobot:

Good to see lots of newer faces, too.
Seconded. And I kinda like my casting. Thralni's is eerily fitting, I can't be sure why.

This reminds me... I feel like we're due for a photo thread... or maybe it's just because I got my hair drastically cut today.

EDIT: I object to arghhhhhhhhh's casting. Robin Williams is actually funny. Arghhhhhhhhh is just sad.

[ Monday, April 09, 2007 07:47: Message edited by: Ephesos ]

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Agent
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Shelley Long? I happen to be a male Slarty, but at least I didn't get portrayed by Michael Jackson. The only thing I tought was funny is I.F.M.'s actor. I'm still baffled by being put with Shelley Long; as said previously, I'm a male, and I don't see how I'm similar to a Brady Bunch character. :confused:

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WWJD?
Posts: 1384 | Registered: Tuesday, February 6 2007 08:00
Raven v. Writing Desk
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I was pretty flexible with gender on this thing. There are a number of people whose genders are bent.

As for Shelley Long: being a replacement Brady Bunch actress is definitely not what she's best known for.

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Slarty vs. DeskDesk vs. SlartyTimeline of ErmarianG4 Strategy Central
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Master
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quote:
Originally written by The Almighty Do-er of Stuff:

quote:
Originally written by Thralni:

Yep, the hair fits, and nice of you to make me a comedian. Does that mean that my jokes are considered funny from time to time in this place?
Probably not, because nobody thinks Carrot Top is funny. He's just annoying. (I'm not saying you're annoying though. I didn't make the cast list.)

Meh, somebody likes him. Otherwise I wouldn't know why people go to his live shows in Vegas. I don't know him, so I can't say.

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Play and rate my scenarios:

Where the rivers meet
View my upcoming scenario: The Nephil Search: Escape.

Give us your drek!
Posts: 3029 | Registered: Saturday, June 18 2005 07:00
? Man, ? Amazing
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I like my casting. A pretty boy that can't act to save his life, whose best role was in Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang as the dapper Gay Perry. I'm almost surprised that Morton Downey Jr wasn't cast. Also, no John Cusack? Shame.

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quote:
Originally written by Kelandon:

Well, I'm at least pretty sure that Salmon is losing.


Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00
Guardian
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I take it that Rick Moranis was unable to play the part? ;)

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Shaper
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I'm disappointed I am not being played by James Dean or Greta Garbo.

But I can live with River Phoenix. Barely :P

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*Name by Slarty
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Shaper
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We, Martha "Don't Mess With Me" Stewart, and Slaves—er, Associates, would like to remind our cast that they were each fastidiously selected for their roles for deeply significant reasons and with the utmost of regard for relevance, as well as aesthetic harmony and general usefulness around the house. It is up to you to ponder and deduce the brilliant reasoning behind your role. Consider it a mental exercise to hone your little actor minds. God knows you could all use it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I simply must dash off to sell some stock.

That is all.

-M-

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Shaper
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quote:
Originally written by Jewels:

quote:
Originally written by The Almighty Do-er of Stuff:

Am I on there anywhere? I can't be bothered to look myself.
You are Don Adams.

Good enough for me.

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My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art
The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community
The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database
Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database
BoE Webring - Self explanatory
Polaris - Free porn here
Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too)
They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance
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Apprentice
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womp womp.
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Shaper
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*Bites Sausage*

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You lose.
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Lifecrafter
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The irony of having Robert Englund cast as myself is that "V" is one of my all-time favorite miniseries... and who doesn't like Freddy Kreuger?
So I get the best of both worlds.

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The Silent Assassin has suddenly randomly become unavailable for comment.
While I am quite confident that the chainsaw has yet to be repared, I am slightly worried at the sudden noteable lack of sofa and chair cushions throughout the bunker...

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Agent
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Holy crap! I'm in there! Even though I've only been posting sporadically, I'm in there!... as someone I've never heard of.

*Googles*

Interesting

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