Been very busy
| Author | Topic: Been very busy |
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Apprentice
Member # 3438
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 09:50
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I got a new job about two weeks ago. I'm working for a local cave tour business in the Chattanooga TN area. As part of this job, I guide short walking tours in an electrically lighted section of the cave, and am currently learning to give "wild cave" tours where we take people back into the "unimproved" part of the cave. Its not exactly something to make a career out of, but I'm having a good time at present. Have any of you done any caving? I'd also like to ask for some advice. Ive been talking to a young lady via instant messaging for about a year and a half now, and I've found that Ive more or less fallen head over heels in love with her, at least as much as I am capable of doing so. The problem is that she lives a couple states away right now. She is planning on moving to a new area, but that location is still some distance from where I am now. Another complication is that I really dont know where I will be in the near future. I'm pretty sure I can get in the PhD program at UT this time around, and I also feel that I did pretty well on the state civil service exam for chemists that I took today. There are two job opportunities that I think I'd really enjoy, but would make things difficult for me to be with her. Any advice from someone who has been in a similar experience, or just has an oppinion to express, would be appreciated. This is really causing me a moderate level of emotional distress, as I think about being with her quite a bit. Its unpleasant because we seem to have all the atributes we both want in a partner, but we are so far away. Is it possible to fall in love with someone this way, or is this something that a 27 year old man should have grown out of long ago? Posts: 23 | Registered: Saturday, September 6 2003 07:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 2064
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 11:15
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This is perfectly normal. First of all, Do you know wether she feels more or less the same as you do? It would be rather pointless if she doesn't. -------------------- I am an idiot. Posts: 775 | Registered: Friday, October 11 2002 07:00 |
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Apprentice
Member # 5553
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 11:54
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Yes, I experienced something similar a few years ago. It didn't really work out (and if you know who I am, shut the hell up. Seriously. ;) ). The internet, especially when limited to text communication, is tricky. This works both ways - in conflicts that escalate through misunderstandings, and in relations that can be misinterpreted. When there is insufficient input, the imagination draws up a more complete picture. It is only a very spurious and unlikely speculation, but be sure to consider that you might be reading more into your communication than the one you are communicating with. If that is the case, you are in for a nasty surprise, both disappointing and possibly embarassing, when it turns out that someone you thought had deeper feelings for you is actually still considering you a casual acquaintance. In that case, even the casual friendship can be ruined - just like it is outside the internet. Therefore, I would suggest a gradual widening of communication channels. That way, if it ever turns out you absolutely wouldn't fit together, it will leave both of you enough room to gracefully backpedal without breaking contact entirely. If you are already talking on Instant Messenger, consider writing emails as well (you would think emails are "more distant" than IM, but actually it is an essential medium, similar to writing letters). Next, see if you can get Skype or Google Talk or some other means of voice communication. You wouldn't believe what difference that makes. The thought of actually talking can make many queasy after being used to written text, but just remember that if you ever actually live together, you will talk every day. :P If that works out, exchanging snail mail addresses might be a good idea. Or schedule some meeting during the next holidays. The point is that, as always, a real relationship takes some time to build. When using a medium as limited as the internet, this is even more true. Posts: 1 | Registered: Sunday, February 27 2005 08:00 |
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Nuke and Pave
Member # 24
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 11:58
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This isn't entirely unprecedented and I know of a couple cases where long distance relationships turned into regular ones. However, you have to remember that chatting online isn't the same as living with the person. In one case that I am thinking about, the couple met on an online dating site and after about a year during which, in addition to spending hours on the phone and online every day, they've spent all vacations together, including living together during spring breaks, which didn't overlap for their universities. After graduating, the girl moved from California to Minnesota to live with the guy and they are still together, 2.5 years later. In another example, the couple met at a mutual friend's wedding and later got in touch through that friend. A few months later, the young man sold his house, quit his job and moved from Washington D.C. to California to live with the young woman. However, after several months they've moved to separate aparments, and I am not sure about the current situation. So in conclusion (if it's possible to draw conclusions based on only 2 cases :) ), the first advice is to spend some time living together before you decide to make a major move. After that, one of you will have to move to the place where the other one is living and, since cancelling plans to go to college is always a bad idea, it would make more sence to move for whoever isn't tied to a college campus. (If both of you are going to be in colleges, you'll just have to wait.) EDIT: The discussion above obviously assumes that you are already in a relationship, rather than just "talking a lot". If you are still at the stage of simply being online friends, the advice of Mad Minstrel, who posted while I was typing, is more applicable. [ Tuesday, April 18, 2006 12:04: Message edited by: Zeviz ] -------------------- Be careful with a word, as you would with a sword, For it too has the power to kill. However well placed word, unlike a well placed sword, Can also have the power to heal. Posts: 2649 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
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Apprentice
Member # 3438
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 12:36
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See, im not even sure of the status of the relationship, which is why im reluctant to push to meet, but I finally asked her and she would like to. Im notoriously bad at empathy, so I actually think a text medium is easier. With text I dont have to interpret and more often than not misinterpret nonverbal social cues. I've talked to her on the phone and webcam as well incidentally. Posts: 23 | Registered: Saturday, September 6 2003 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 4682
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 12:44
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Well, I can't give you any advice, but I wish you the best of luck. My older sister's best friend just married a guy she met off the internet 2 weeks ago(I was the flower girl-don't laugh). *gives Grignard a cookie* -------------------- Do not underestimate the power of the mechanical pencil. Join the Dark side. We have cookies. Played in: Fiddler on the Roof Bye Bye Birdie "Hey, Patrick, feel this random pipe. It's squishy"-Nils Posts: 834 | Registered: Thursday, July 8 2004 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 73
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 12:56
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Whoa, she talks to a guy on the Internet for two weeks and she marries him? Isn't that moving a little fast? :P -------------------- My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database BoE Webring - Self explanatory Polaris - Free porn here Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too) They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance -------------------- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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Lifecrafter
Member # 4682
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 13:01
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No, she got married two weeks ago. I'm not talking well today. >_< -------------------- Do not underestimate the power of the mechanical pencil. Join the Dark side. We have cookies. Played in: Fiddler on the Roof Bye Bye Birdie "Hey, Patrick, feel this random pipe. It's squishy"-Nils Posts: 834 | Registered: Thursday, July 8 2004 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 4506
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 13:05
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quote:Speed dating. ;) Works wonders. Posts: 1370 | Registered: Thursday, June 10 2004 07:00 |
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Agent
Member # 1993
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 14:18
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:P You shouldn't marry every date. edit: um, Grignard, please meet her first and get to know her better before you make decisions to drop good job opportunities. You could, for example, go with her for holidays. And remember: a job usually lasts longer than a love, is less fragile and easier to handle. Choose wisely. Congrats to your chemists exam, BTW. I am impressed ^_^ Hi, Mad Minstrel, who ever you are. Welcome back! [ Tuesday, April 18, 2006 15:01: Message edited by: spy-there ] -------------------- Slartucker: * facepalm facepalm facepalm * Dikiyoba: Are you unconscious yet? Posts: 1420 | Registered: Wednesday, October 2 2002 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 335
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 14:46
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You shouldn't? Oops. —Alorael, who has some very fast talking and even faster dodging to do. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
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Apprentice
Member # 3438
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 16:16
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it Posts: 23 | Registered: Saturday, September 6 2003 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 73
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 16:38
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(Off Topic: Grignard, check your Private Messages in your profile.) -------------------- My Myspace, with some of my audial and visual art The Lyceum - The Headquarters of the Blades designing community The Louvre - The Blades of Avernum graphics database Alexandria - The Blades of Exile Scenario database BoE Webring - Self explanatory Polaris - Free porn here Odd Todd - Fun for the unemployed (and everyone else too) They Might Be Giants - Four websites for one of the greatest bands in existance -------------------- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 4
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 17:21
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You're considering throwing away a job for an online woman? And you're asking an online forum of overwhelmingly single people? -------------------- * Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
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Infiltrator
Member # 2836
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 19:26
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quote:How can someone be overwhelmingly single? Posts: 587 | Registered: Tuesday, April 1 2003 08:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 4
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 19:29
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Oh, but there are ways. (And yeah, I did mean to say it the way I did.) -------------------- * Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
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...b10010b...
Member # 869
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 19:57
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Really, falling in love was your first mistake. Everything else you do from this point on is just digging deeper. -------------------- The Empire Always Loses: This Time For Sure! Posts: 9973 | Registered: Saturday, March 30 2002 08:00 |
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? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 20:12
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quote:Only if it's a one way street. Otherwise you find the hole you're in keeps getting filled back up. -------------------- quote: Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 2984
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 20:15
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quote:And then I knew this young woman who met her ideal husband on a roleplaying board. It worked out perfectly, and a year or so later she is moving to a different continent to meet him. They marry, and a few months later she is dead and he is convicted for her murder. Another reason to be careful online. :( -------------------- Encyclopaedia Ermariana • Forum Archives • Forum Statistics • RSS [Topic / Forum] My Blog • Polaris • I eat novels for breakfast. Polaris is dead, long live Polaris. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
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Shaper
Member # 247
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written Tuesday, April 18 2006 21:28
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quote:No doubt. It really isn't worth spending the time to create a relationship that will ultimately fail. Someone to talk to sure. But beyond that mehh. -------------------- The Knight Between Posts. Posts: 2395 | Registered: Friday, November 2 2001 08:00 |
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Apprentice
Member # 3438
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written Wednesday, April 19 2006 04:50
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Hey Do-er, read your pm, responded Posts: 23 | Registered: Saturday, September 6 2003 07:00 |
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Law Bringer
Member # 6785
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written Wednesday, April 19 2006 20:27
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quote:Something sensible from you? Has your account been borrowed?? Posts: 4643 | Registered: Friday, February 10 2006 08:00 |
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BANNED
Member # 4
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written Wednesday, April 19 2006 20:54
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quote:Not to pre-empt Thuryl, but his response will be, "With flesh-eating insects." -------------------- * Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
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? Man, ? Amazing
Member # 5755
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written Wednesday, April 19 2006 21:30
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quote:But,,, At least someone cares enough to keep me properly buried until I die. -------------------- quote: Posts: 4114 | Registered: Monday, April 25 2005 07:00 |