Pants of Sorrow

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AuthorTopic: Pants of Sorrow
Member # 59
Profile #0
In the year 2084, a supersonic passenger jet lands in the area known as Airstrip One. The flight from Sweatshop Three was quick and comfortable. As I make my way through the security checkpoint, I suddenly freeze. An all-too-familiar plastic cartoon mask stares at me from point blank range with expressionless eyes.

”Welcome, Silver Card Consumer Alex. I am your local Global Cartel Micki Mouse Smiling Happy Friendly Private Guard®.”

”Well met, epitome of private sector efficiency in the security business”, I reply with a broad smile.

“Unfortunately, our scanner has showed that your Lev-Eye jeans do not carry an original Airstrip One Region Code”, the giant Micki Mouse head says. “A bit like the DVD region codes in your youth, you see. Clearly, a $10 pair of jeans marketed in Sweatshop Three do not represent the same value as a $100 pair of jeans marketed in Airstrip One - you're not buying cloth, but a license for using the Lev-Eye brand. Didn't you read the EULA? This falls under the new Homeworld Protection Act, which became necessary due to terrorist attacks in Cyberspace, probably originating from Sirius.”

“Yes, now that Mankind has boldly entered...the solar system, inspired by the immortal words of The Great Prophet George W. Bushmeat, we obviously need terrorists from further away”, I mutter. “I understand that free trade is only something that ordinary people – and the remnants of Commie governments – have to put up with; Big Business – blessed be their suits – can impose as many trade restrictions as they like. The jeans are a gift for my grandson, whose steady job – a great luxury nowadays - was downsized during the worst of all of the recent recessions. Come to think of it, the Sweatshop Two factory uses just as much labour and raw materials as the one that was downsized here, it's just that Big Business gets a bigger slice of the cake, and the workers get less. I'd even be so blasphemous as to say that the resources used for demolition, re-building, transportation and higher health care costs due to lowered environmental and safety standards could have been used to increase production at the old site. And who cares that we get fewer solvent consumers?”

“Have you been taking your Happy Pills lately? Do you roam Cyberspace regularly? With MicroSoma JigShield installed, of course. Those nasty thin blackies aren't what you want to see. They could have chosen to have something to eat.”

“I admit that I have been lax in my duties, since my meagre savings are barely enough to pay for essential medication – when I was young, pharmaceutical companies spent twice as much on marketing as on R&D, and I doubt it's less now. I'm only upper middle class, you see, and we don't have those Commie pensions now, do we?”

“I just consulted the eGovernment low-cost court. Since this is your first act of terrorism against property, you get away with a $50000 fine and a downgrade to Bronze Card Consumer. You may not be welcome in some fancy restaurants, and don't expect to get any credit – politics is dangerous, right? If you get caught again, expect a Happy Brain Implant from Love, Inc. The third time, you'll be downsized. Have a nice day!”


Copyright 2004 by Alex. All rights reserved. This includes, but is not limited to, the right to sue your ass off and make love to your mother should you dare to copy even a single letter from this text. My lawyer is bigger than yours.
Posts: 950 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Member # 1877
Profile #1
Poor, poor Alex, no replies? Well; If the future will be that way, kill me.


Posts: 662 | Registered: Friday, September 13 2002 07:00
Member # 3608
Profile Homepage #2
What STD really needs, is a menly man to make him happy.

- The Great Mister
Posts: 972 | Registered: Tuesday, October 28 2003 08:00
Member # 3521
Profile #3
And boy, do I know the man for the job! :P

"Let a man find himself, in distinction from others, on top of two wheels with a chain- at least in a poor country like Russia- and his vanity begins to swell out like his tires. In America it takes an automobile to produce this effect."- Leon Trotsky
Posts: 1798 | Registered: Sunday, October 5 2003 07:00
Bob's Big Date
Member # 3151
Profile Homepage #4
Why is everyone always trying to make me the sagots' gigolo? I have a life too, you know.
For a good time, go bug TM.

In a word, gay.
--Bob the Impaler

Posts: 2367 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Member # 1877
Profile #5
Can someone tell me what the bloody hell those guys are talking about?


Posts: 662 | Registered: Friday, September 13 2002 07:00
Bob's Big Date
Member # 3151
Profile Homepage #6
Gay sex, Bates.

In a word, gay.
--Bob the Impaler

Posts: 2367 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Member # 919
Profile #7

And though the musicians would die, the music would live on in the imaginations of all who heard it.
-The Last Pendragon


Les forum de la chance.

In case of emergency, break glass.
Posts: 3351 | Registered: Saturday, April 6 2002 08:00
Member # 3188
Profile Homepage #8
That's not very appropriate.

Join RC's new (and paid-for) forum,

And that, my Leige, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. -Sir Bedevere

It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!
Posts: 154 | Registered: Tuesday, July 8 2003 07:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 3239
Profile #9
Feer the n00b.



And since the stupid link won't work, I'll use this one:
Chance Forums
Posts: 203 | Registered: Saturday, July 19 2003 07:00
Member # 22
Profile #10
Apollyon, gay sex is always appropriate.

KazeArctica: "Imagine...wangs everywhere...and tentacles. Nothing but wangs and tentacles! And no pants!"
Posts: 2862 | Registered: Tuesday, October 2 2001 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #11
On Spidweb General you mean. And there only since Misc was shut down. :rolleyes:

"And all should cry, Beware, Beware!
His Flashing eyes, his Floating hair!" S. T. Coleridge
"It is as if everyone had lost their sense
Consigned themselves to downfall and decadence
And a wisp it is they have chosen as their beacon." Reinhard Mey.
Quote of the Week: "I have a high opinion of myself, which makes up for my total lack of intelligence." Anon.
Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Shake Before Using
Member # 75
Profile #12
It's always appropriate on a painfully high number of forums. >_<
Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #13
There are some things that spam can't solve. For everything else, there's gay sex. And yaoi. And melons. And communist propaganda. And statues.

—Alorael, who is sure he has missed a few other time honored de facto locking techniques.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Member # 2385
Profile Homepage #14
Aloreal, you forgot to lock the topic. :P

I get energy from your jealousy. Ever wonder why I'm so hyper?

The Abyss Scenarios, Forums, Graphics...
E-Master's Graemlins Come take a look.
Miscellaneous Get to the closed misc. forums!
Where's Waldo? Can you find Waldo in less than a minute? *Evil Grin*
End of World Da end is coming!
Posts: 489 | Registered: Friday, December 20 2002 08:00
This Side Towards Enemy
Member # 3098
Profile #15
Would this help?


If not, just say the word, and I'll get the yaoi.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
I'll tell you my story, man
Though I wish I'd never been born
I'm loose at the seams,
I've broken my dreams
And my hand it shakes the pen
Come on, come on now baby,
Let the good times roll again
Posts: 961 | Registered: Thursday, June 12 2003 07:00
Member # 1104
Profile Homepage #16
Ahh, this topic is going down the drain anyways:


73|-| 1|\|\/1|\|<1|3|_3 |30063y|\/|4|\|

AHEM: Chance Forums!

-Reality Corp.
Posts: 1307 | Registered: Tuesday, May 7 2002 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #17
I didn't actually want to lock the topic before. I do now.

—Alorael, who can do the job right when he sets his mind to it. Huzzah!
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00