no subject really

AuthorTopic: no subject really
Shock Trooper
Member # 3801
Profile Homepage #0
Threshold

I once saw two people walking in the park.
One was an idealist, the other a pessimist.
One’s reflection of reality was bright, but the other one’s dark.
They argued their points in spite of difference.

I did not consent to either of the perspectives.
I had always been quiet and pensive,
and I admired those strangers for being respective,
But I kept my faith in a meaning that is above the senses.

And for every action there is a reaction, this was the case,
In a blink of my eye, my conscience had shifted.
A heavenly power staring me in the face
And all my doubts and regrets were lifted.

Let’s talk about our freedom, and the dreams we’ve chased,
When we should be fighting for unity.
I only know there are other things at stake,
Just to let them kill their opportunities with their own prudency.

Now, wisdom is not related with age, we all know that,
And opinions are nothing to limit your talents.
When you cross over your final threshold, there’s no looking back.
It was in that infinite moment I realized the true meaning of balance.

What do you think of this poem? It's pretty obvious who wrote it, I did, but I think that this type of writing is limiting and overused. Anyone agree?

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Never regret anything, because it was meant to happen.
Posts: 323 | Registered: Thursday, December 18 2003 08:00
Guardian
Member # 2238
Profile Homepage #1
I hate your use of "threshold" in the (counting) uh... second to last line.

I like my poetry to rhyme and have rhythem, so I shall not judge any further.

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Posts: 1582 | Registered: Wednesday, November 13 2002 08:00
Infiltrator
Member # 4592
Profile #2
I'm not much of a poetry critic, but I liked it. Sounded to me more like the lyric of a song than a poem (not meant as a detriment, btw) but I liked the message and the way you expressed it.

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quote:

"I suffer from spiritual malaise," said Cugel meaningfully. "which manifest itself in outburst of vicious rage. I implore you to depart, lest, in an uncontrollable spasm, I cut you in three pieces with my sword, or worse, I invoke magic."
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Posts: 604 | Registered: Sunday, June 20 2004 07:00
Shake Before Using
Member # 75
Profile #3
quote:
and I admired those strangers for being respective,
So, uh, because you can regard them individually, you admired them? While I suppose this can vaguely make sense if you stretch the word's meaning a bit, it still seems bad.

[ Sunday, February 20, 2005 23:01: Message edited by: Imban ]
Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Shaper
Member # 73
Profile #4
Also, it's "prudence" not "prudency" as far as I am aware.
I think he was trying to make it kind of sort of rhyme.
I guess the poem is okay. Better than I could do anyway.

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Posts: 2957 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Member # 919
Profile #5
While some poets can get away with stretching rhyme and rhythm, most cannot. The same goes for narrative poems. I think you need to focus more on the poetic aspect rather than the meaning of the poem.

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And though the musicians would die, the music would live on in the imaginations of all who heard it.
-The Last Pendragon

Polaris = joy.

In case of emergency, break glass.
Posts: 3351 | Registered: Saturday, April 6 2002 08:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 565
Profile #6
poetry is in the eye of the beholder. i liked it but i'm not one who likes rhyming poems. Not sure if i'm allowed to post this here but if you like poetry go to www.poetry.com.

If you can work out my real name i have a few in there as well :P

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If there is no light at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and turn the damm thing on yourself!

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lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Posts: 289 | Registered: Monday, January 28 2002 08:00
Warrior
Member # 5520
Profile #7
Might need more time to savour, for I could not feel, any rhythm from the lines, rolling in my mouth. Forgive me my imprudence, I am but a student, of this new language utterly foreign. This be the only point, self could think of, but I do feel the efforts you have put into it, . . . and admire as such, for that I could not.

Yess. my meagre opinion sshould not limitsss your talentssss....

[ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 03:41: Message edited by: whitenightever ]
Posts: 53 | Registered: Saturday, February 19 2005 08:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #8
Just incidentally, what is your first language, whitenightever?

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Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Warrior
Member # 5520
Profile #9
sssss . . mee sssthinksss thatssss eerrelevant to the topicssss ssssorry. . .ssss. . . ssss. ... sseee yoursss own profilesss for sthat mattersss.

[ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 05:09: Message edited by: whitenightever ]
Posts: 53 | Registered: Saturday, February 19 2005 08:00
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Member # 919
Profile #10
Sounds like a German fanboy to me - he uses oddly placed commas, which you or your father noted were common in the writing of English-speaking Germans, and slith-like esses as well.

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And though the musicians would die, the music would live on in the imaginations of all who heard it.
-The Last Pendragon

Polaris = joy.

In case of emergency, break glass.
Posts: 3351 | Registered: Saturday, April 6 2002 08:00
Shaper
Member # 5450
Profile Homepage #11
Yes you could be right, could be wrong. One way to tell though - ask him

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Polaris
Posts: 2396 | Registered: Saturday, January 29 2005 08:00
Warrior
Member # 3870
Profile Homepage #12
"In this language utterly foreign" is not the word order used either in English or in German. Come to think of it, French has a similar structure.

[ Wednesday, February 23, 2005 05:08: Message edited by: And striving he must err. ]

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"Toleration is not the opposite of intoleration, but is the counterfeit of it. Both are despotisms. The one assumes to itself the right of withholding liberty of conscience, and the other of granting it."
---Thomas Paine

Posts: 156 | Registered: Thursday, January 8 2004 08:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 3719
Profile Homepage #13
oops

[ Wednesday, February 23, 2005 17:18: Message edited by: dampeoples ]

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Posts: 294 | Registered: Monday, November 24 2003 08:00