The funniest story you will ever read
| Author | Topic: The funniest story you will ever read |
|---|---|
|
Agent
Member # 27
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 18:43
Profile
Note: I did not write this, another kid in my class did. His name is Will, A.K.A Chillson, and he will one day win the nobel prize and the man of the year award. This literature is brilliant, and I hope you enjoy it. Oh and if you want a little reference to who the characters are really like in reality just ask. Enjoy. The Middle Time Of The Ages “Will, it’s time to go to bed,” said my mom. “Yes, mother.” I yelled back sarcastically. This day has been a usual day during this semester while we were studying the medieval days during Humanities, and working on our group projects. John was giving one of his “Brilliant, and interesting” lessons. Before we went to class during Spanish we could hear Cory yelling in what seemed to be a heated debate about the medieval times and what they were like. When I went to bed I thought about what the times were like in medieval times, I thought about it for a long time and then I finally fell asleep. The next day I woke up, or at least I thought I did. I woke up in my same bed, but it felt a little different like there was a bunch of paper under me, or, or, straw? I figured that I was fully awake, so I walked out the door. Caw ka doodle Doo. Cried a rooster. “Okay where the heck am I? I don’ think I'm in Raleigh any more” I said to myself remembering what Dorothy said in the “Wizard of Oz” “Sir William my son,” yelled a lady whose voice sounded familiar but never heard those words coming out of her mouth before. “Are you up yet?” as the women walked into the room. What? It looked like my mom but she wasn’t dressed like her, and her hair was longer, and darker, and she looked a whole lot dirtier than usual. Not clean at all. “Umm, yes mom” I replied not knowing what to say. “Mom, never heard you say that to me before, you usually call me mother,” she said back to me. “Oh, sorry mother, don’t know where I got that from, but yes I am up.” Trying to sound like I meant it by accident and it just came out of no where. “Umm, mom, I mean mother, could you remind me what the year is? I know it sounds a bit funny but I had a dream and just making sure.” “Why it is 1210 right, we just finished up with the Crusades. Remember?” “Oh, yes of course, that’s right, must have had a really bad dream, I dreamt of the future and what it would be like in a long time and if we would be the same.” “Ok well hurry up dreaming about this future thing. Your breakfast is getting cold and I don’t want to be late to work.” As she walked out of door I stared in amazement and a bit of fear. “No real food, no computer, no television, no nice cumphy bed, none of the good stuff. Nooooooo, 793 years into the past. Why did I have to think about the middle ages?” Wham, as I tried to hit myself on the side of the head to wake up. But it didn’t work; it just knocked me over back onto my hard bed. “Oh well, might as well stay hear since I will be here for a while or at least until I wake up from this nightmare. But maybe it will turn out to be an exciting and cool nightmare. I’m guessing I can’t say dude or cool, or yo, or wass up, either. They don’t know those words yet.” I walked out the door and into the kitchen, I’m not really sure what I had for breakfast but my mom said it was bacon. “Not bad,” I thought to myself. “Now you have to go serve the king and go off to fight in one last battle. This will end after words and then your father can come home and be with us and not have to fight in war for a while. Just go and get packed.” “What!” I thought to my self. “The Crusades are just ending.” Oh well, might as well get packed and take what I need. It didn’t take me very long considering that I didn’t have that much clothes these days. “Good bye mother. I hope that I will be able to return home safely.” “Good bye my son. Take good care, and tell your father that I love him if you see him.” “I shall do that,” I left and when I walked down the street, people looked very familiar. I swear I saw some one that looked like Jacob reciting a poem by singing it like he did for the presentation for Greece and Rome. Then I thought I saw Viraj, Hege, and Sam that looked like they where a leader of a gang, who where up to no good. As I walked up towards the castle I saw some one that looked just like Big Rob and Jack whom I was guessing to be the top body guards for the King. When I finally saw the King I swear it looked just like Justin, and to his right sat some one that looked just like Emma. “King Justinian, we are ready to move out when ever you are my Lord.” Said the person who I thought was Jack. “Great, have them move out when we have everybody together Sir Jackson.” “Oh, so his name is Sir Jackson, not Jack, oh well must have some resemblance and Justin is Justinian. Very interesting,” I thought to myself. “Welcome Sir Willis, we have been awaiting you so we can make haste towards our final fight with the Turks. You may make way towards the courtyard and there I’m sure you shall find some of your friends there and then you can just wait until then. “Ahh so my name is Sir Willis. Wait, I hate that name Willis, why can’t it be Chillsonian or William Wallis. Oh well.” “Good luck with your Knight and return home with news and victory so that we shall be in peace.” Wait, my knights, wow, how old am I. I doubt that I am fourteen. Then it came back to me that the youngest was at least eighteen who fought in the Crusades. Ahh, I must be the leader, cool. “Umm yes, thank you, you’re Lady.” “No, thank you for doing this for us.” Said Emma, or at least I thought it was. Then I saw John, he looked like an entertainer. He had some one with him who looked a lot like Lowell, and I heard them say that his name was Sir Woodrow Wilson, (Go figure) and that he has been in a lot of trouble trying to take from John. When I got to the courtyard I saw the same group, Viraj, Hege, and Sam all ready for battle, and I also saw Cory who looked like he was a very important person, but I found out that his name was Sir Cornelius Edward the Third, and that he only made the plans for us to go into war. “So can anybody tell me where we are headed again, and your names, I had a weird dream that made me forget a couple of stuff,” “Yes, my name is Sir Hegward, this is Sir Doshin, and last here is Sir Valon 2nd the White. We are headed towards Jerusalem to end one final battle.” Said the Hegward look alike. “Thank you, Sir Hegward, now it is all clear to me again I must have had a short term memory loss when I bumped my head.” “Very well then, lets move on out, we have a couple days march ahead of us if we want to be there on time.” Said Cornelius Edward in a commanding voice. By late that night on the second day people began to get weary and hit the sacks early in there blankets with no comfort underneath them. It was a ruff, hard, cold night, and when it was morning people where already up around six A.M. or at least that’s what time I thought it was when I awoke. “I don’t want to go to school mom, I want to sleep in, where not doing any thing today.” I said in my sleep when Sir Doshin hit me on the side of the head and then poked me. “Sir Willis, wake up, we only have five hours of march ahead of us if we leave in a couple of minutes we are sure to get there before noon.” I packed up in about five minutes and then we where off on the road again. Well there wasn’t really any road. Our army had about a thousand troops or more in it. I swear I at least everybody had a look alike where I went. “Did you hear, Pope Valon, (Who I was guessing to be Sam’s brother, Fielder) gave a message to Cornelius Edward the 3rd that we could go home and the Crusades would be over with and no more wars.” Said Sir Hegward. “Might I ask who is part of the Church or one of the high leaders there? That as well has drawn away from my mind.” “Yes, I will, there is Madam Krista-The-Edit, and Madam Mary, and then there is also John The Merciless, and Chris The Giant. Those are just a couple of the people but the most highest. “Thank you for refreshing my memory,” Said Sir Hegward. So John is also part of the Church, along with Krista, and Mary. Hmmm so this is relating to my other life as well. Interesting, very interesting. “We have reached our destination. We have arrived here, in the Holy Land of Jerusalem,” When I got my group ready, I then noticed that Stuart also had a look alike, and I found out that his name was Sir Poulsen. Then I asked him a question. “Sir Poulsen,” “Sir?” “Are your ready to die for your King and Pope?” “Yes sir, but are you ready to die in battle Sir Willis and are you brave enough to do whatever the King or Pope wants.” “Hmm, Yes, I am ready to do whatever it takes so we can return home and to finish off the last Crusades.” The Captains got their knights ready to get into position, archers in the back, and then horses in the middle, and we had some go around the city and have an attack from behind, as I remembered what they did in Gladiator. And then we had the Swordsman attack up front. The Archers had arrows that where flammable and we could send fire with the arrows to burn our enemies. “ARCHERS, TAKE AIM, READY, FIRE!” Yelled Sir Cornelius. “TAKE POSSITION SWORDSMEN” I yelled not sure what to say for the swordsmen, they looked back at me, as if trying to figure out who I was talking to and I kind of just looked away acting like I never said that. As the first couple sets of arrows launched the other side started to come forward, I couldn’t take it any more so I yelled. “ATTACK!” in the loudest voice that I could. The loudest war yell that I have ever heard came from our army, well bigger than any that I have ever heard in my life. As the two sides class you could hear sounds of people falling and dieing, blood was flinging everywhere, heads coming off hear and there. I at last gave a victorious yell and killed at least thirty people. One archer sent up a flaming arrow higher than all the others, and that was the signal to send in the horses. “CHARGE!” Yelled some familiar voice who sounded like Sir Jackson. As the horses came, the Turks became trapped between us and the horses. I saw a couple people that I knew, fall to the ground, then I saw Sir Poulsen die as well, and then fell Sir Doshin. After I killed about thirty more people I started to feel a bit weary. I began to trip over dead body’s that where covered with blood. Then when I looked up right then a arrow was headed down straight towards my face. I gave out another yell and then at that second right when the arrow was at my face I awoke finding myself sweating in my bed. And hearing my alarm clock go off. Don’t you just hate it when you wake up at the ending point of the dream. “Huu, haahhh, huu, ahh, huu.” As I sat there breathing in and out hard. After a few minutes I calmed down a bit. “Wow,” I rushed towards the window, wait there is a window, and having relief that I was back in my on time period. “Good morning, it’s time for school” said my mom as she walked in looking normal and not dressed up weird like she did. “Umm this is the year 2003, right?” I asked hoping that she would say yes. “Why yes, this is the year 2003. Did you have a bad dream or something pretending that you where in the fututer.” As she started to laugh. “No, just had a dream during the medieval time of the “Last Crusade” “Right then, oh well get ready for school” “Wooph,” as I had a sigh of relief on my face. “People will think that I’m weird if I tell them about the dream that I had or some might not. Oh well, I kind of liked not having school for those couple of days. Oh well, got to get back to the real world.” Will Aka Chillson -------------------- "Wow, fish." Hahahaha, I crack myself up. Posts: 1233 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
|
BANNED
Member # 4
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 18:53
Profile
Homepage
Funny? I don't get it. —_— -------------------- We're all amazed but not amused By all the things that you said you'd do. You're much concerned but not involved by Decisions that are made by you But we are sick and tired of hearing your song, Telling us how you are going to change right from wrong, 'Cause if you really want to hear our views, You haven't done nothin'. Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
|
Babelicious
Member # 3149
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 18:53
Profile
Homepage
t imban seems that somebody hasn't read any bad fanfiction before Posts: 999 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00 |
|
Shake Before Using
Member # 75
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 19:01
Profile
t djur i have read lemons with more interesting plots Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 1104
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 19:23
Profile
Homepage
Technical note: If this was back where people spoke english, you wouldn't have been able to understand a thing they were saying. I mean, not just the use of thous and thee's but other stuff like say, ...with the word knight. You would currently read it as "nite" Old english says otherwise with "Kinecht" or something like that. And exactly what is the point of this story? How is it funny? -------------------- 73|-| 1|\|\/1|\|<1|3|_3 |30063y|\/|4|\| AHEM: Chance Forums! -Reality Corp. Posts: 1307 | Registered: Tuesday, May 7 2002 07:00 |
|
Shake Before Using
Member # 75
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 19:27
Profile
Your statement implies that you'd be able to understand what they were saying if they were speaking Portugese instead of English. Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |
|
Bob's Big Date
Member # 3151
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 20:16
Profile
Homepage
Well, if they spoke French... -------------------- In a word, gay. --Bob the Impaler Posts: 2367 | Registered: Friday, June 27 2003 07:00 |
|
Lifecrafter
Member # 3608
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 21:19
Profile
Homepage
I'm just poppingi n to point out that I wasn't laughing after reading this. -------------------- - The Great Mister Posts: 972 | Registered: Tuesday, October 28 2003 08:00 |
|
Lifecrafter
Member # 3310
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 21:58
Profile
Hmm. It was not that bad as a normal story. But I don't think it was that funny and I don't see why it should be posted here on SW. Perhaps it would be funnier if one knew this Chillson fellow... Posts: 756 | Registered: Monday, August 4 2003 07:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
|
written Monday, December 15 2003 22:04
Profile
Homepage
Pity. No Middle English at all. Well, it's better than half-mangled Middle English I guess... but thou art mistaken, friend, if thou dost consider this tale brilliant; for t'is good, mayhaps, but not outstanding, and certainly not original (I do remember about 10 Mickey Mouse cartoons that did run the same way). Sincerest apologies to thine aspiring writer-friend; he shall mayhaps rise above himself in the future. -------------------- "And all should cry, Beware, Beware! His Flashing eyes, his Floating hair!" S. T. Coleridge --- "It is as if everyone had lost their sense Consigned themselves to downfall and decadence And a wisp it is they have chosen as their beacon." Reinhard Mey. --- Quote of the Week: "I have a high opinion of myself, which makes up for my total lack of intelligence." Anon. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
|
Warrior
Member # 3746
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 05:27
Profile
I... I understood all of what you just said! Must have read too many books this week. Slith: His writing's not too bad. I agree with Arancaytar, though, that it's not particularly original. Tell him to keep writing. Stories have a way of getting better as you rewrite them. -------------------- Chance Forums. Posts: 153 | Registered: Tuesday, December 2 2003 08:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 07:14
Profile
Homepage
They certainly do. It's at least as good if not better than my first efforts 2-3 years ago; and I would certainly hope that I improved since then: I realize now that you - Slith - and your friend are about 2-3 years younger than me so it's only to be expected. So it really wouldn't do for me to sneer at it or anything; and my earlier post was certainly not intended that way, I hasten to add. It was just too nice an opportunity to show off my Middle English to pass by. Discouragement is not appropriate at all here, nor was it intended. -------------------- "And all should cry, Beware, Beware! His Flashing eyes, his Floating hair!" S. T. Coleridge --- "It is as if everyone had lost their sense Consigned themselves to downfall and decadence And a wisp it is they have chosen as their beacon." Reinhard Mey. --- Quote of the Week: "I have a high opinion of myself, which makes up for my total lack of intelligence." Anon. Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 27
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 08:54
Profile
I guess it would seem alot more funny if you knew the guy -------------------- "Wow, fish." Hahahaha, I crack myself up. Posts: 1233 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
|
Law Bringer
Member # 335
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 12:39
Profile
Homepage
Ah, but we don't. —Alorael, who was not bowled over by anyting in the story. It's not great, it's not awful. It's a story, and the accidental time travel bit has been written to death and then written some more. Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00 |
|
BANNED
Member # 4
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 12:44
Profile
Homepage
I'd press to argue the "it's not awful" part. -------------------- We're all amazed but not amused By all the things that you said you'd do. You're much concerned but not involved by Decisions that are made by you But we are sick and tired of hearing your song, Telling us how you are going to change right from wrong, 'Cause if you really want to hear our views, You haven't done nothin'. Posts: 6936 | Registered: Tuesday, September 18 2001 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 2820
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 15:25
Profile
It was, um, well, nice. I suppose. The periods and such were so nicely arranged. And the quotation marks, and the names, and, uh... I'd like to know how old the author is. The writing isn't that bad, but it isn't that original and the plot isn't that great. The wording could have been better and I am definately not laughing right now. Hmm, I guess I'm a barrel of negativity today. -------------------- How do signature's work? -Keep Posts: 1415 | Registered: Thursday, March 27 2003 08:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 27
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 16:53
Profile
Ahh, someone just kill the topic before it becomes a spawning ground for spam. -------------------- "Wow, fish." Hahahaha, I crack myself up. Posts: 1233 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
|
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Member # 919
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 17:14
Profile
I agree with TM. I also agree that it might be mildly amusing if the reader knew the people in the story, but since none of us do... yeah. But reading my sister's writing would put the whole thing in perspective... I'll see if I can find something that would make at least a bit of sense to Spiderwebbers... -------------------- And though the musicians would die, the music would live on in the imaginations of all who heard it. -The Last Pendragon TEH CONSPIRACY IZ ALL Les forum de la chance. In case of emergency, break glass. Posts: 3351 | Registered: Saturday, April 6 2002 08:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 27
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 17:18
Profile
Or a mod could just kill it. -------------------- "Wow, fish." Hahahaha, I crack myself up. Posts: 1233 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 1104
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 17:38
Profile
Homepage
*agrees with the slith* Always agree with sliths. Any other comments about the story before the topic gets closed? -------------------- 73|-| 1|\|\/1|\|<1|3|_3 |30063y|\/|4|\| AHEM: Chance Forums! -Reality Corp. Posts: 1307 | Registered: Tuesday, May 7 2002 07:00 |
|
Agent
Member # 2820
|
written Tuesday, December 16 2003 18:08
Profile
Tell the author to keep trying. It's a start. I remember when I was a bit younger and I always thought that whatever I'd write would be excellent simply because I enjoyed reading and writing it. Unfortunately that is not always the case. I know one person who is simply destined to become a great author because of the brewing and existing talent within him. I hope the writer of this topic's piece will be another. -------------------- How do signature's work? -Keep Posts: 1415 | Registered: Thursday, March 27 2003 08:00 |
|
Shake Before Using
Member # 75
|
written Wednesday, December 17 2003 01:56
Profile
Your source for severe physical pain There. Now you have a better site to go to if you want to suffer horrible stories. Posts: 3234 | Registered: Thursday, October 4 2001 07:00 |