A Touching Tribute: A Satire in Song

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AuthorTopic: A Touching Tribute: A Satire in Song
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #0
     The time has come to celebrate the life of the greatest computer game creator of all time, Jeff Vogel—oh, and his friend Richard White, the greatest mediocre game creator of all time— in song! So in Isaac Asimov style I've written the following duet to the tune of "When I go out of door" from the Gilbert & Sullivan operetta Patience.

     Those of you unfamiliar with this comic operetta can read the original words at this page, and a good segment of the song being performed can be heard here, courtesy of Amazon.com. A MIDI version of the full song can be downloaded here. But honestly, you can't get the full effect of this parody without already being familiar with the original, in its proper context. But even if you've never heard the original piece, the parody below should be of some amusement.

     The original song had two rival arch-poets, Bunthorne and Archibald, alternating in song, telling about their "new" personas: for Bunthorne, he would be the uncontested "ultra-poetical, super-æsthetical" intense and perceptive poet, while Archibald was at last setting aside his æsthetic nature to become an ordinary man.

     This new song has Jeff Vogel and Richard White alternating in song, describing their current situations and their pipe-dream ambitions for the future. Since a lot about Jeff is known through his IronyCentral website and particularly his baby memoirs so wonderfully related in that funniest of books The Poo Bomb, his lines are fairly accurate. However, since virtually nothing is known about Richard White I've had to draw upon our scant knowledge, popular opinion, and from the developing White Mythos as chronicled in this forum.

     My characterization—perhaps more accurately termed a caricature—of Jeff Vogel in this song is not to be taken as criticism. I have the highest admiration for Jeff—hence my loyal patronage of his great games and fine literature—and his current paternal plight has earned him my deepest sympathy. I also admire Richard White's games. Okay, well, Galactic Core. Sort of. Sometimes. And my characterization of him would probably be considered libel if it weren't so utterly ridiculous.

     Also, complaints about Cordelia are not to be taken as comments by myself. I obviously have never met her, but I'm more than willing to rely on Jeff's excellent first-hand accounts, from which her characterization is faithfully drawn. I'm not putting any words in his mouth about her that he hasn't already put there himself!

     I haven't been able to follow the cadence exactly; sometimes a line has a syllable too few or too many. Approximate rhyme has been used perhaps more often than it should. I've also added a few minor stage directions.

     Just be glad I'm not turning this parody into a full operetta.

JEFF [practically falling over in exhaustion]:

Though I (as said before)
My little girl adore—
     She's bawly and crawly,
     And gooey and spewy—
All things that I abhor!
I try with patience great
To complex games create
     Yet this toddling vermin
     Insists on affirmin'
Her selfishness innate!

BOTH [Jeff tiredly, Richard sympathetically]:

An overworked young man!
A sleep-deprived young man!
An over-astringent,
Caffeine-dependent,
     Grouchy and grim young man!

RICHARD WHITE [draws his cape up over his face as he stalks menacingly around the stage]:

My first game, Ocean Bound
It "failed to astound."
     Lost Souls was "okay"
     If your tastes aren't gourmet,
And your world-view most unsound.
And then Galactic Core
Condemned a "dreadful bore."
     But when GC2's done,
     You minds will be won,
Then for more games you'll implore!

BOTH [Jeff looking horrified, Richard leaping about the stage flapping his cape behind him]:

You'll all be White's young men!
All implant-run young men!
Mindless and credulous,
Crazy, impetuous
     "Join the White Cult!" young men!

JEFF [in honest, pensive mood]:

An RPG young man.
An R[b]N[/b]G young man.
     A magic and mythical
     Combat-statistical
Mac-and-PC young man!

RICHARD:

A smiling, warm young man.
A yellow-eyed old man.
     A trendy and culty,
     Trans-metamorphy
Cryptic-and-hid young man!

JEFF:

A Washington State young man.
A live-in-the-basement young man.
     "My games have no equal!"
     "I'm making a sequel,"
"Download-the-demo!" young man!

RICHARD:

A possibly dead young man?
A partially live young man?
     A retro-enacted
     Hyper-extracted
Timelining-shift young man!

ENSEMBLE (each singing their section twice at the same time)

JEFF [brazenly indulging in delusions of grandeur]:

     Conceive me, if you can,
     A best-selling game young man!
A gaudy and glittery, video-flashery
     Sold-in-a-box young man!

RICHARD [finally gone mad, hopping and running around, making strange motions with his hands]:

     Imagine, if you can,
     An ageless-thing young man!
A blood-sucking marathon, pro-Necronomicon,
     Swallow-the-world young man!

[Exeunt omnes]

[ Monday, August 22, 2005 14:24: Message edited by: Icshi ]
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #1
When GC2 comes, you truly deserve to be standing at RW's side while the rest of us are crushed beneath the lowliest ORiS AI.

—Alorael, who is completely in awe in several ways. Only one of them has to do with the tentacles currently invading his left ear.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Shock Trooper
Member # 3898
Profile #2
Ischi wins.

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~Note : The professional newbie's advice should not be taken seriously, or at all.~
LINKAGE
Posts: 364 | Registered: Saturday, January 17 2004 08:00
By Committee
Member # 4233
Profile #3
Icshi, that is scrumtrelescent! :D
Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00
Master
Member # 4614
Profile Homepage #4
You should E-mail that to Jeff. He'd get a kick out of it. Neat. :D

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-ben4808
Posts: 3360 | Registered: Friday, June 25 2004 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #5
Thanks for the kind words, guys—I'm glad you enjoyed it!

And Ben, I thought about emailing it to Jeff, but first I'd have to somehow explain to him that we've turned his friend into a temporally-unstable cult leader hellbent on brainwashing and conquering the world, and who also dabbles in diabolism. I don't see how I could possibly justify doing such a thing, much less explain it all...

I might send him an edited version, containing just his lines, as he'd be sure to understand those.
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #6
Jeff Vogel is responsible for Irony Central, particularly the pre-Cordelia bits. He is still nominally the head of the SEP, though there has been limited action from that party recently. I think he knows exactly how such things can happen and probably what to do about it.

—Alorael, who knows of no evidence that RW is Jeff Vogel's friend. RW published games through Spiderweb, but Jeff apparently only knows of RW's continued life by the fact that checks are cashed. That's hardly a sign of a close relationship.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #7
Those are all excellent points, Alorael. I'll probably send this to him, then, along with a brief explanation and history of the White Cult.

By the way, I edited the song somewhat—I did some minor changes to make it flow better.

It took me over a month to write it all, and you wouldn't believe the number of aborted and rejected lines I have in various text files! I was always finding a better word here, a better combination of ideas there, on and on and on. Jeff's lines were the easiest and most enjoyable to write, and are my favorites. Richard's lines took a lot of slow, agonizing composition, which I'd then totally scrap and try from scratch using a different appraoch.
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Shaper
Member # 5450
Profile Homepage #8
:D That was great, Icshi.

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I'll put a Spring in your step.
:ph34r:
Posts: 2396 | Registered: Saturday, January 29 2005 08:00
Master
Member # 4614
Profile Homepage #9
A month? Wow. Full time? :D

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-ben4808
Posts: 3360 | Registered: Friday, June 25 2004 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #10
Well, I sent off a lengthy email to Jeff along with an HTML page containing the post with the song. I also wrote up an "Exhaustive Short History of the White Cult" for him, so he'd have some idea of what Richard's lines meant.

I'll let you know if and when there's a reply... I have no idea how he'll react to all this. :confused:
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Lifecrafter
Member # 34
Profile Homepage #11
Hot dog. If poems were fish, that would be a barricuda.

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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

'Spiderweb Software' anagrammmed: 'Word-bereft A**wipe'
Posts: 702 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00
By Committee
Member # 4233
Profile #12
Hey, could you post the exhaustive short history, or would that be treasonous?
Posts: 2242 | Registered: Saturday, April 10 2004 07:00
Lack of Vision
Member # 2717
Profile #13
I bow before the new RWG national anthem (anathema?)!

Now we just need to find someone with a lovely singing voice willing to make an actual MP3.

It is interesting how Richard White is far more popular in death than life. Too bad he could live to see this day.

Z

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Pan Lever: Seventeen apple roving mirror moiety. Of turned quorum jaggedly the. Blue?
Posts: 186 | Registered: Thursday, February 27 2003 08:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #14
He did live to see the day today, but not yesterday or the day before. Tomorrow he probably will have lived to see the day after tomorrow, but not today or yesterday.

—Alorael, who recommends an advanced course in Muddled Biochemistry to anyone who is lost and confused at this point. Intelligent design may work in a pinch.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Law Bringer
Member # 2984
Profile Homepage #15
quote:
Originally written by Post Fours:

the fact that checks are cashed.
The fact that there are checks to be cashed, however, is a sign of the times we live in. Doesn't that mean someone is buying his games? :eek:

Oh, and Icshi: That was AWESOME! I'm sure Jeff will post this to Ironycentral.

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EncyclopaediaArchivesMembersRSS [Topic / Forum] • BlogPolarisNaNoWriMo
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
I have a love of woodwind instruments.
Posts: 8752 | Registered: Wednesday, May 14 2003 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #16
I think my email to Jeff went to the wrong address. For some reason I sent it to spidweb@spidweb.com—does anybody know if he still checks this one? What's the email address that IronyCentral stuff should be sent to?

I've also been having trouble lately with outgoing emails, so I was thinking of re-sending it anyway.

...Oh, and thanks for the continued kind comments! If Jeff doesn't put my email up on IronyCentral, then I'll post the "Exhaustive Short History of the White Cult" here.
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Law Bringer
Member # 335
Profile Homepage #17
He checks spidweb@spiderwebsoftware.com, and I think that's equivalent. I don't think he has an Irony Central address. At least not according to this.

—Alorael, who would advise giving some kind of Irony Central notification. Otherwise he'll probably file it as Spiderweb only mail and never post it anywhere, and then everyone here will have to be sad.
Posts: 14579 | Registered: Saturday, December 1 2001 08:00
Nuke and Pave
Member # 24
Profile Homepage #18
This opera is quite amuzing. Maybe you should start writing operas and poetic novels, in addition to your publishing business. Why waste money on royalties, when you can distribute your own work. And if you bundle it with traditional cult propaganda, they'll always come back for more.

Could you also post your Short Version of Exhaustive Summary of Full Extent of Abstract of History of the White Cult.

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Be careful with a word, as you would with a sword,
For it too has the power to kill.
However well placed word, unlike a well placed sword,
Can also have the power to heal.
Posts: 2649 | Registered: Wednesday, October 3 2001 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #19
Thanks for the help, Alo.

I've bunged it off again. I hope he likes it, or at least doesn't mind too much that we've maligned/glorified the name of his "business associate."

EDIT: Thanks for the kind words, Zeviz!

Incidentally, I've retitled the document "An Exhaustive Semi-Chronological Short History of the White Cult." I'll probably make the title longer each time it's revised.

[ Friday, August 26, 2005 13:33: Message edited by: Icshi ]
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Master
Member # 4614
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Not nessecarily. We can just call it the ESCSHWC.

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-ben4808
Posts: 3360 | Registered: Friday, June 25 2004 07:00
Mongolian Barbeque
Member # 1528
Profile #21
Bah. I hate acronyms!

Or, if you prefer:

BIHA!
Posts: 907 | Registered: Monday, July 15 2002 07:00
Master
Member # 1046
Profile Homepage #22
Long acronyms make Wise Man cry.

T_T

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Polaris - owns you.
Undead Theories - double U slash E
Posts: 3323 | Registered: Thursday, April 25 2002 07:00
Master
Member # 4614
Profile Homepage #23
It could be make easier to pronounce, so you don't have to say each letter individually. Like the Esc Showc. And then I see Esc in what's written on that key on the upper left of my keyboard, and the 'c' at the end of 'Showc' degrades it quite a bit, so now we're left with Escape Show. That still doesn't make much sense, so we could calling something like the Escaping Act. That can be abbreviated to EA, but we still need to know that it's a cult song, so The EA Cult Song, or TEACS.

That is pronounced teeks and is a lot eacier to say than my previous acronym. What do you think?

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-ben4808
Posts: 3360 | Registered: Friday, June 25 2004 07:00
Skip to My Lou
Member # 40
Profile Homepage #24
I think that is an annoyingly complicated way to shorten a very nice long title. I think we should call it "An Exhaustive Semi-Chronological Short History of the White Cult."

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